I was hit with a double whammy: an accumulation of stressful situations at work, along with numerous leave applications being declined. When leave was granted, I would study. I have never been one to rest.
It was not that I was working too hard, or that I was working long hours, or that I never took time to rest; it was because I had lost all sense of control over my work.
For me, burnout crept in gradually, almost unnoticed. Looking back, the signs were there, but they were easy to miss.
If the signs were obvious, we’d all be better at preventing it.
When I was younger, I would keep busy and by the age of 11 was mowing lawns and delivering newspapers for money. Weekends were filled with work around the home and in the garden.
Hard work provided a sense of solitude, offering a break from my constantly overthinking mind. The feeling of accomplishment, coupled with the praise from others that followed, became a reward in itself.
Fast forward to a police career 24 years later - I was doing the same thing, working hard to progress through the ranks.
Known causes of burnout at work include a heavy workload with long hours, struggling with a work-life balance, a mismatch of values, unfair treatment, and insufficient autonomy, all leaving the person with a feeling of having little or no control.
The first realisation that something was wrong was when I began self-medicating, firstly to get a better night's sleep, and latterly throughout the day. Anything to stop the onslaught of negative self-talk.
It wasn't until a suicidal ideation that I truly knew I needed help urgently. A diagnosis of accumulated stress disorder led to both psychological support and the journey of self-discovery.
The initial diagnosis was emotionally overwhelming, but also brought a sense of relief - knowing that others had faced and overcome a similar challenge.
Regardless of how determined, strong, or powerful we think we might be, there is always a risk of burnout if we do not maintain control over what we do.
Fast forward further to today.
Although I've never worked harder as a business owner, now, the inability to say no is my choice. That's how I'm now able to maintain a sense of control.
Each of us is different, and we must find our own way of managing our workloads.
If you wish to prevent burnout, it's crucial to maintain control of your life in a way that allows balance - on your terms.
How do you maintain balance and a sense of control in your life?
Let's talk!
Follow Your Heart!
We have all heard inspirational stories of people who have gone through extraordinarily tough times to overcome adversity. Many will recount being able to find a new level of strength and determination when they thought they had nothing left to give.
Is it courage, is it 'toughening up', or is it the ability to switch off from reality and focus on something else? It is the latter. People who can work through extreme adversity, to put the pain to one side, to find strength at the depths of despair, are all around us.
Much has been written about the common traits of people who do the seemingly impossible - a powerful inner drive, a tolerance of pain, the ability to visualise a goal, extraordinary self-discipline - and so the list goes on.
We all have the ability to tap into any of these traits. For me, it is one thing: the ability to focus on our hook.
We all have a hook, that one thing that we always think of when times get tough, our sense of purpose, our real strength.
If you focus on your hook – family, faith, fitness, friends, whatever it is for you – when times get tough, you will find the ability to gain unbelievable strength. Focusing on our hook stops our mind from wandering, prevents our inner voice from telling us to give up, and lets us ignore the present pain.
When we focus on our hook, we become energised, driven, and numb to the pain. For our hook is in our heart, and our heart will always overcome what our inner voice is telling us if we truly believe in our hook.
Do not believe your thoughts when times get tough, for they are just that, thoughts. Challenge every thought you have. Is it you, or is it your brain taking the easiest route? Our brain has one purpose: to keep us alive, and it will always tell us to give up. Ignore your voice and hold on to what is in your heart.
Be as patient with yourself as you are with those around you, and hold on to what you love, your hook.
When times get tough, always go with your heart and not your head.
In times of adversity, your heart will always know best.
Let's talk!
Before You Fall Asleep Tonight...
Before you fall asleep tonight, read this.
Think of Recovery in a Different Way.
Five years ago, I fell awkwardly and badly injured my shoulder, a double injury to my rotator cuff.
After the fall, my brain kept replaying the moment, sometimes even in dreams.
You might know that loop yourself - Why did this happen? What was I thinking? This is my fault.
When something negative happens, the brain automatically replays it to learn from it. It’s trying to protect us from it happening again.
Helpful in theory, damn uncomfortable in reality.
If the replay goes on too long, it can lead to acute stress and, at the extreme end, post-traumatic stress.
Post-surgery, I underwent physiotherapy. Physio is painful, tiring and necessary.
In my workshops, I always ask, “Who here has had physio?” Almost everyone has.
Then I point out, “So you’ve all had therapy then – physiotherapy.”
Why is mind therapy treated differently?
Physiotherapists get us talking about the injury, then apply pressure to the painful part to help it release and heal.
Psychologists do the same for emotional injuries; they help us release the emotion that’s been stuck.
Emotions must come out!
If we don’t express emotions, they don’t disappear; they build.
Talking helps the brain process the event so it can finally move forward.
I openly talk about the fall, the fear and the emotions that came with it. No hiding. No pretending.
And the flashbacks are easing.
Showing vulnerability also allows others to open up. Healing becomes something shared.
Talking about emotional pain should be as normal as talking about physical pain.
Seeing a counsellor or psychologist is no different from seeing a GP or physio; both help us recover.
Let’s normalise the conversation.
Let’s talk.
Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone!
I can't remember my first keynote presentation; it was all a blur. I paced the stage, going through a presentation by simply following the slides. Apparently, it went okay, but I couldn't tell.
I got off stage thinking, “How do people do this for a living?” And then the rush of adrenaline wore off, replaced by dopamine and endorphins, which left me feeling elated.
Having always challenged myself to overcome my fears, I saw it now as a challenge to continue keynote speaking alongside the workshops we were running for businesses.
We know now it is important to overcome our fears, or at least do our best to.
I had a fear of heights, which, ironically, led me to take up skydiving. While it didn’t cure my fear, it was an extreme experience that taught me a lot about myself.
Perhaps it was the near-death experience of hurtling towards earth when all you can think about is pulling the ripcord that brings clarity to every sense.
As a crisis negotiator, undertaking suicide interventions was another fear I had to overcome. How will I start the conversation? How will I keep the conversation going? What if I say the wrong thing?
What if they jump?
Fortunately, no one ever jumped. I again learned a great deal about myself, others, and how to engage in a conversation, no matter how intense it might be.
Keynote speaking hasn’t come naturally to me. Even after years of speaking, I still get butterflies before every keynote.
So why do I keep doing it?
Why do I keep putting myself up on stage under pressure? Why don't I just focus on presenting our workshops in a controlled environment?
It is the challenge to overcome my fears that motivates me.
My largest audience to date for a keynote was over 2000 people, where I was the opening address at a conference. I was told I was the opener just before going onstage. Awesome, that little rush of fear produced an amazing presentation.
These days, I am often asked to open or close a conference, which is truly an honour.
I also love the most difficult time for keynotes, the first speaker after lunch! I refer to that slot as the graveyard shift, as most people are recovering from lunch.
There was a time early on when I decided to stop being a keynote presenter. I viewed the nerves as stress rather than what they should have been – a means to be at my best and overcome the challenge.
As soon as I saw it differently, it became easier. Excitement and anxiety are processed in the same part of the brain and share the same physical symptoms. Perhaps I was simply seeing it wrong.
Whilst I still get nervous before every keynote, it is those nerves that keep me focused, at my best, and provide me with humility.
Stepping out of our comfort zone to overcome our fears is a powerful experience; seeing it differently can be even more powerful.
Let's talk!