When Should I Start To Change?

By now, if you have been following my posts, you would know that our brains are reluctant when it comes to making changes in our lives. If we are in a pattern of behaviour, it is very difficult to change because of neural pathways. These have been described as superhighways that funnel all of our thoughts in a single direction making them stronger.

Additionally, because your brain doesn't like to change its pattern of behaviour, it will try and delay you in making any change. How often have you said - "I'll wait until after Christmas", "I'll start on New Year's day", "I'll leave it until my birthday", or "I'll change when..."

You then continue with the unwanted behaviour, now even more so, knowing that you are going to make a change at a set point in the future. When the time to make the change arrives, it is now even more difficult to change because you have increased the strength of the neural pathway.

Our brains are crazy aren't they? Not really, they just want to help keep us safe from the unknown, to look after us.

Significant events such as holidays, festive events, and the beginning of the year are good start-lines to commence change. They focus our thoughts to a single point-in-time, get us mentally prepared for what is coming, and give us motivation on which to leverage off.

How about this for an idea, start right now, today, as soon as you finish reading this post. Wouldn't that be something to surprise our brain with, not knowing what is coming, sneaking up on our stubborn brain. Starting now has one big advantage over delaying the change; by the time the usual milestones of holidays, a new year, birthdays, or other 'when' comes around you will already have a strong start.

Know that your brain will try and trick you at 21 days, it will tell you that you have made the change, achieved your goal, got close enough to it, and to relax. Don't believe it, it's a trick to get you back on the old superhighway. It takes 60 to 80 days to change a habit let alone reach a goal.

While on the subject of goals, always have a goal. If you reach it, then extend it further or set another one. If you don't/can't reach your goal then alter it. Goals are kind of like eating chocolate - you desire them, work hard to get them, feel excited when you get them, feel empty when they are gone, you want more, so you work hard to get more. And the cycle keeps going.

I read somewhere that you should never achieve your goals, if you do there is nothing left so you will die! A bit extreme but mostly right. Goals are what motivates us, keeps us going, excites us, drives us. "There is always another 'mountain' to climb" is a quote to ignore when it comes to goals. Goals are not mountains, mountains are inanimate, set in stone. Goals are flexible, boundless, endless, changeable, renewable.

Don't wait for the 'when', don't wait for the right time, don't procrastinate. The time to change is now, right now. What are you waiting for?

Let's talk!

It's That Time of the Year, Again!

I am not going to wish you all the best this year, hope that you get to spend time with your family, lecture you on not drinking too much or driving after drinking, nor am I going to ask you to take a few minutes to think about those who are less fortunate and won't be celebrating in the same way that you are this season.

I leave that advice for others to give you and for you to decide, after all you will know what is the right thing to do. I am going to ask you to do something different this year, that's all, just do something different this year to what you did last year.

That is the key for me, breaking patterns. Each year we have traditions, and traditions are great because they remind us of good times in the past. It is said that the only positive memories we have long-term are of holidays and significant events so why wouldn't we want to reinforce those?

However, when we get into these traditions, we always expect the same feelings as we had last year. And, as things change it is never the same, we sometimes feel disappointed. Things change, everything changes, so why don't you?

This holiday season I am challenging you to make a change. I'm asking you to do something that you have never done before. I'm asking you to take a risk, to step outside of your comfort zone, to go outside of tradition, to make one change in your life.

Change just one thing this season, introduce something that you have never done before, no matter what it might be. See what happens, see how you feel, see if it challenges your norm, see if it excites you. I bet it does.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Break from tradition, disrupt that neural pathway, get uncomfortable. Make a change this year and watch what happens, the unexpected I suggest.

Happy change everyone.

It's Time To Bring Back Balance!

Life is so busy that 'life' can sneak up on you, so sneaky that you may not be aware it is doing so. If it jumps on you, 'life' can literally, change your life. Not in a good way mind you, in a bad way.

There is so much pressure around us - pressure at work, pressure at home, pressure to eat better, pressure to take on healthy habits, pressure, pressure, pressure. And this pressure builds up over time, slowly but surely.

Work life balance is not a myth, it's just that the scales are often weighted towards work. You can tilt it back.

Here's a simple exercise that you might want to complete that could help you swing the pendulum of 'life' back towards the good side;

1. Write down each aspect of your life that is important to you - family, home, children, work, friends, sport, fitness, car, hobby - one word for each important aspect.
2. Score each aspect - a score of '1' means that you aren't doing as well as you want to, 10 means you no longer have to get any better at it, you've nailed it.
3. Look at the aspect that you scored the highest - then list the factors (what you are doing to make it feel that you are excelling) in that aspect - time, money, energy, enjoyment, passion, research, happiness, etc.
4. What of these factors can you use to increase the score of an aspect in your life that you want to increase, to tilt towards - perhaps you could spend more time at home doing enjoyable things with the family if family is a factor you want to improve on.

A simple exercise like this can help to bring perspective to your life. It might show you that you are doing okay, or perhaps tip the scales back to being balanced if you need to.

Let's talk!

How Far Will You Go?

Looking back on the week that was, it is a constant reminder as to how far we can go if we put our minds to it. 

Being a disbeliever, I never quite got what it was, this thing called the human spirit - the ability to connect with yourself and use determination to take us wherever we want to go - provided of course that we work hard enough.

This week I was proud to present to diverse clients such as; High Performance Sport NZ (HPSNZ), the University of Auckland, October Reign, IAG, and Apata. 

As I head to Northland this afternoon to hopefully help a few people out and to give back for the wonderful journey I have been on, I will reflect on how things can change if we open our hearts and minds to the possibility that it can happen. Don't let your mind take control of you, you control your mind. 

I am again humbled to be where I am and having such fantastic people around me.

We've got this, let's talk! 

Are You Too Weak?

For those who follow my posts will know that I was once in the mire, so much so that I had a suicidal ideation, a thought of taking my own life. Dark times indeed. While still able to function, life was very much like a movie and I was just an actor playing my bit.

Often asked how I got out of the depths of darkness, it was with a little help and lots of determination. While we are all different, and for each of us being in the mire differs, recovery is the one thing we all can do.

We can in fact reach whatever goal we want to, we just need to believe in ourselves and know that we are all stronger then we think we are.

It is important, very important in fact, probably the most important thing you will ever do, is to follow expert advice when unwell. Some need hospitalisation, some need medication, some need therapy. Can I encourage you to seek expert help on every occasion, psychotherapy was my expert.

But, here's the kicker, just doing that won't be enough.

You need to believe in what you are being told to do, you need to follow the plan that has been made for you. Most of all, you need to believe in yourself. Self-belief is an incredible tool. You see, taking a pill, doing breathing exercises, visualisation, and the many other things you will be asked to do won't work unless you have belief in yourself.

I went through the motions when I went for expert help. I sat and visualised, medicated (natural remedy), rested, controlled my thoughts, did all of the right things yet still wasn't getting well.

One day I reached a low point and realised that it was me who had to do something to change. It was in my head and in my heart.

I had to take control, to dig really deep and grab hold of myself and drag myself up out of the dark place. It was at that point that things changed. In days I felt different, literally days.

This post isn't about me, it's about you. You are stronger than you think you are, you must believe that.

I was a weak person, I never had self-belief, I relied on others to help me. If I took the pills and followed the instructions I would be okay, right? Maybe. Yet if I actually believed I could do it, had to do it, there was nothing left but to do it, then perhaps a transformation might occur. It did.

Take it from someone who wondered how people could let themselves get so unwell, who thought that 'they' need to take control of their lives, who once thought meditation was for weak people, who could not fathom how someone would want to end their life.

You are stronger than you think you are, that's the key.

Believe in yourself. Stop relying too much on others, stop waiting for the right time, stop making excuses. Start today, right now, immediately. Make the change, be the change, become whatever you want to become. You've got this inside of you, we all have.

A leopard may not be able to change its spots, but it can believe it has stripes. And if it truly believes it has spots, then no one can change its mind or tell it that it is still a leopard. And what is wrong with that, nothing.

No matter what you want to achieve in life, you can. Every one of us has the ability to make changes in our lives to achieve whatever we want to. You've got what it takes to do whatever you want to, you just need to believe and go and get it. It's yours for the taking, so go and take it.

Let's talk!