The other day, I overheard someone say, “No is a complete sentence.”
As a communication specialist, I was intrigued...
Our brains are wired for connection and understanding.
When we communicate, we naturally break things into three parts: what we’re saying, why we’re saying it, and what comes next.
This structure helps our brains process information, reduces uncertainty and builds trust.
But here’s something fascinating from neuroscience: the way we say something is five times more important than the words we use.
Our tone, facial expressions, and body language all send powerful signals to the brain, often louder than the words themselves.
A gentle “no” can feel supportive, while a harsh “no” can trigger a stress response.
So, is “no” truly enough?
On the one hand, “no” is clear and concise. It sets a boundary. Neuroscience tells us that clarity reduces anxiety by calming us when things are unambiguous.
Unclear messages cause a heightened state of awareness and can lead to overthinking.
But “no” can also feel abrupt, even harsh. It offers no explanation, no empathy, no path forward.
“No” can trigger discomfort in both the speaker and the listener.
That’s why I prefer to expand “no” into three parts:
State your position - “I’m unable to do that…”
Give a reason - “…because of (reason)…”
Offer an option - “…but what you might want to do is (alternative).”
This approach satisfies the brain’s craving for context and connection. It turns a closed door into an immediate conversation.
But sometimes, “no” really is all that’s needed. It’s a boundary, a full stop, a moment of self-care. And yes, it is a complete sentence, just not always a complete conversation.
It got me thinking: what other single words carry this kind of weight? Here are a few alternatives to “no” that can set boundaries while keeping the conversation open:
“Enough.”
“Pause.”
“Stop.”
“Wait.”
“Sorry.” (when appropriate)
“Help.” (when you need support)
Each of these, delivered with the right tone and intention can be powerful, self-contained messages.
So, is “no” a complete sentence? Absolutely.
But as communicators, and as humans, we can choose when to use it and when to offer a little more.
And remember – how we say something matters even more than what we say.
Let’s talk!
The Long Lonely Walk!
As a crisis negotiator, there’s a moment I’ll never forget: the long, lonely walk towards someone standing on the wrong side of a bridge’s handrail, contemplating whether to jump.
That walk is desperately lonely. Every step is filled with fear; wondering what to say, what if I say the wrong thing, what if it doesn’t go well, what if they jump, will I be blamed?
Add to this the fact that I was living with depression myself, with at least one serious ideation in my past.
The voice in my head would sometimes urge me to “go higher” to ease the pain. It’s a desperate time.
But here’s the thing: many of us have that same long, lonely walk.
It might not have been on a bridge. It could be wanting to tell your partner the relationship is over, waiting for the doctor to give you the diagnosis you’ve feared, or being called to the boss’s office, knowing your job no longer exists.
All of these situations, and so many more, create that same lonely agonising feeling.
It doesn’t have to be a matter of life and death. The long, lonely walk can arrive at any time our brain thinks we need to be on high alert.
The stomach ties itself in knots, so tight that it hurts. The heart pounds so hard it feels like it might break through your chest. Our mouth goes so dry that you fear you won’t be able to speak.
We’ve all had that feeling, the feeling of extreme fear in what is otherwise everyday life.
So, how do we control those unnecessary thoughts?
How do we bring our heart rate down, loosen the knot in our stomach, and steady our voice?
Start by breathing out!
When we’re anxious, we tend to hold our breath or breathe shallowly. This activates our sympathetic nervous system, putting us on high alert.
A long, slow exhale signals to the brain that we’re safe, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, our natural ‘calm down’ switch.
Then, breathe in and out as slowly as possible. Forget counting, your brain will remain active if you count.
The long, lonely walk is part of being human. But you don’t have to walk it alone, and you don’t have to be ruled by fear.
With a few simple tools, you can steady yourself. Ready to receive the news, ready to do the right thing, ready to accept change, and maybe even feel a spark of hope for what comes next.
When in doubt, simply breathe out. Try it right now.
Let’s talk!
Anger is a Secondary Emotion
Is it anger you are feeling ...or could it be grief, sadness, confusion, stress, frustration or even hunger (hangry)?
Keep this in mind next time you see someone angry, or if you are experiencing anger yourself!
Workplace Violence!
When I first heard the term workplace violence, I thought it meant violence between colleagues. That’s just how my brain works; I take things literally.
But it’s not that.
Workplace violence is violence against staff from the public. And it’s happening more often than we care to admit.
Let’s be clear - workplace violence is unnecessary, it’s unacceptable, it’s abhorrent, and it must be eliminated.
We all get angry at times. We all feel aggrieved on occasion. But most of us don’t resolve our frustrations with violence.
We talk, we listen, we find a way through.
Yet for some reason, when violence happens in a workplace, particularly to frontline workers, people say, “It’s just part of their job.”
It isn’t!
Adding the word workplace doesn’t soften the blow. It doesn’t make it okay.
Violence is violence, and it must be called out, addressed, and dealt with appropriately and legally.
In the work we do at WARN International, we support those who face the public every day – local and district council staff, government employees, emergency responders, health workers, social service teams, road crews, and many more.
Yes, some people only know one way to express themselves, through aggression. While a reason, it’s not an excuse.
We all must:
* Educate the public about respectful engagement.
* Empower staff to report incidents without fear.
* Support leaders to take action, not just file a report.
* Involve the police - because violence is a crime and not a workplace hazard.
Psychological safety starts with physical safety, and physical safety starts with zero tolerance for violence.
Every person deserves to feel safe at work.
Let’s talk!
How To Lift Your Mood!
The other day, after four intense days of work, I found myself sitting in my car, mentally preparing for a full day with the Timaru District Council.
I was tired, so incredibly tired. But I have a process I go through to lift myself to bring full energy and motivation.
A few slow, deep diaphragmatic breaths, a shift in mindset by imagining the feeling of engaging with the audience, and a reminder to always bring my best for every event.
As I stepped out of the vehicle, someone spotted me across the car park. He walked over, beaming.
I remembered him from my last visit; he was always smiling. Radiating boundless energy.
We chatted, and I asked him, “Where does all that energy come from? You are always so happy?”
He simply said, “There’s always something to be happy about if you look for it.” As simple as that!
Our conversation lifted my energy levels more than any motivational technique ever could.
What struck me during both workshops that day was how my own energy was now boundless.
I felt genuinely happy and at times, even moved to tears when recounting heartwarming anecdotes.
It made me wonder: What’s happening in our brains when we experience these moments?
When we are happy, are we more emotional, more energised, more positive.
Here’s what neuroscience tells us:
🧠 Emotions are processed in the limbic system. While the amygdala is often associated with fear and threat, it also lights up with positive emotions such as joy, gratitude, and connection.
🧠 Positive emotions trigger the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals don’t just make us feel good – they enhance our focus, creativity and even our immune system.
🧠 When we experience genuine happiness, our brains become more sensitive to all emotions. The amygdala also heightens our awareness of joy, empathy, and can bring tears to our eyes from that joy.
🧠 Connection is contagious. When someone shares their positive energy, our mirror neurons fire, allowing us to feel and catch their mood. One person’s smile can literally change the chemistry of another’s brain.
Yes, without a doubt, when we choose to look for the good, we’re not only changing our mindset, but we are also rewiring our brains.
We are boosting our energy and opening ourselves up to deeper, more meaningful experiences.
To the person who reminded me that “there’s always something to be happy about”, thank you.
You didn’t just lift my spirits, you reminded me of the incredible power we all have to change someone’s day - and potentially their brain, all with a single moment of kindness.
Let’s talk!