We watched a movie last night about Tourette’s called ‘I Swear.’
It moved me to tears, reflecting on how life can be so challenging for some of us.
We all spend our lives searching for direction, meaning, and something that feels like it's ours.
Some discoveries arrive by accident, some because someone told us, and some appear exactly when we’re ready.
The ones that land hardest seem to be the discoveries we make ourselves.
For me, life has never been about trial and error, although it often felt that way at the time.
It has always been trial and trial. A trial of managing something I never knew I had and trialling new ways of dealing with it.
Nothing is ever truly an error if it teaches me something. And everything teaches me something.
As I’ve aged – yes, I know I shouldn’t be talking about ageing – people sometimes say I am wise.
Yet wisdom doesn’t arrive with birthdays.
Wisdom arrives when you start using what you’ve lived through. Every challenge I’ve faced has brought something new to learn.
Every setback has offered another piece of the puzzle.
Every confusing, painful, uncertain moment has nudged me forward. Even when I didn’t realise it at the time, such as not learning to learn until I was aged 35.
Life, I’ve learned, is not a series of problems to solve. Life is a series of lessons to integrate.
The more I stay curious, the more I try, the more I experiment, the more life reveals what I’m meant to know and when I’m meant to know it.
If you’re feeling stuck, lost, overwhelmed, or behind – maybe you’re not behind at all.
Maybe you’re right on time.
Continue learning and discovering your way. Not someone else’s way.
The most powerful wisdom you will ever hold is the wisdom you earn by living your own life.
Let’s talk!
Hit By A Double Whammy!
I was hit with a double whammy: an accumulation of stressful situations at work, along with numerous leave applications being declined. When leave was granted, I would study. I have never been one to rest.
It was not that I was working too hard, or that I was working long hours, or that I never took time to rest; it was because I had lost all sense of control over my work.
For me, burnout crept in gradually, almost unnoticed. Looking back, the signs were there, but they were easy to miss.
If the signs were obvious, we’d all be better at preventing it.
When I was younger, I would keep busy and by the age of 11 was mowing lawns and delivering newspapers for money. Weekends were filled with work around the home and in the garden.
Hard work provided a sense of solitude, offering a break from my constantly overthinking mind. The feeling of accomplishment, coupled with the praise from others that followed, became a reward in itself.
Fast forward to a police career 24 years later - I was doing the same thing, working hard to progress through the ranks.
Known causes of burnout at work include a heavy workload with long hours, struggling with a work-life balance, a mismatch of values, unfair treatment, and insufficient autonomy, all leaving the person with a feeling of having little or no control.
The first realisation that something was wrong was when I began self-medicating, firstly to get a better night's sleep, and latterly throughout the day. Anything to stop the onslaught of negative self-talk.
It wasn't until a suicidal ideation that I truly knew I needed help urgently. A diagnosis of accumulated stress disorder led to both psychological support and the journey of self-discovery.
The initial diagnosis was emotionally overwhelming, but also brought a sense of relief - knowing that others had faced and overcome a similar challenge.
Regardless of how determined, strong, or powerful we think we might be, there is always a risk of burnout if we do not maintain control over what we do.
Fast forward further to today.
Although I've never worked harder as a business owner, now, the inability to say no is my choice. That's how I'm now able to maintain a sense of control.
Each of us is different, and we must find our own way of managing our workloads.
If you wish to prevent burnout, it's crucial to maintain control of your life in a way that allows balance - on your terms.
How do you maintain balance and a sense of control in your life?
Let's talk!
Follow Your Heart!
We have all heard inspirational stories of people who have gone through extraordinarily tough times to overcome adversity. Many will recount being able to find a new level of strength and determination when they thought they had nothing left to give.
Is it courage, is it 'toughening up', or is it the ability to switch off from reality and focus on something else? It is the latter. People who can work through extreme adversity, to put the pain to one side, to find strength at the depths of despair, are all around us.
Much has been written about the common traits of people who do the seemingly impossible - a powerful inner drive, a tolerance of pain, the ability to visualise a goal, extraordinary self-discipline - and so the list goes on.
We all have the ability to tap into any of these traits. For me, it is one thing: the ability to focus on our hook.
We all have a hook, that one thing that we always think of when times get tough, our sense of purpose, our real strength.
If you focus on your hook – family, faith, fitness, friends, whatever it is for you – when times get tough, you will find the ability to gain unbelievable strength. Focusing on our hook stops our mind from wandering, prevents our inner voice from telling us to give up, and lets us ignore the present pain.
When we focus on our hook, we become energised, driven, and numb to the pain. For our hook is in our heart, and our heart will always overcome what our inner voice is telling us if we truly believe in our hook.
Do not believe your thoughts when times get tough, for they are just that, thoughts. Challenge every thought you have. Is it you, or is it your brain taking the easiest route? Our brain has one purpose: to keep us alive, and it will always tell us to give up. Ignore your voice and hold on to what is in your heart.
Be as patient with yourself as you are with those around you, and hold on to what you love, your hook.
When times get tough, always go with your heart and not your head.
In times of adversity, your heart will always know best.
Let's talk!
Before You Fall Asleep Tonight...
Before you fall asleep tonight, read this.
Think of Recovery in a Different Way.
Five years ago, I fell awkwardly and badly injured my shoulder, a double injury to my rotator cuff.
After the fall, my brain kept replaying the moment, sometimes even in dreams.
You might know that loop yourself - Why did this happen? What was I thinking? This is my fault.
When something negative happens, the brain automatically replays it to learn from it. It’s trying to protect us from it happening again.
Helpful in theory, damn uncomfortable in reality.
If the replay goes on too long, it can lead to acute stress and, at the extreme end, post-traumatic stress.
Post-surgery, I underwent physiotherapy. Physio is painful, tiring and necessary.
In my workshops, I always ask, “Who here has had physio?” Almost everyone has.
Then I point out, “So you’ve all had therapy then – physiotherapy.”
Why is mind therapy treated differently?
Physiotherapists get us talking about the injury, then apply pressure to the painful part to help it release and heal.
Psychologists do the same for emotional injuries; they help us release the emotion that’s been stuck.
Emotions must come out!
If we don’t express emotions, they don’t disappear; they build.
Talking helps the brain process the event so it can finally move forward.
I openly talk about the fall, the fear and the emotions that came with it. No hiding. No pretending.
And the flashbacks are easing.
Showing vulnerability also allows others to open up. Healing becomes something shared.
Talking about emotional pain should be as normal as talking about physical pain.
Seeing a counsellor or psychologist is no different from seeing a GP or physio; both help us recover.
Let’s normalise the conversation.
Let’s talk.