How can we diffuse emotions in difficult conversations? 🧐The secret is to never let an emotion pass without acknowledging it in some way.
Here’s how we acknowledge emotions in crisis communications, and how you can start implementing it in your conversations.
In crisis intervention, we say "You sound..." and then describe the emotion. For example, you would say "You sound angry" to a person who is yelling.
While this works in crisis situations, it is too extreme for everyday communications.
👉 Phrases such as “This sounds important to you, I can hear that”, or “I can hear that you are frustrated” are good emotion labels for angry people.
If someone tells us about a tragic event, many of us say “I’m sorry for your loss”. This works, but when we use the word sorry, it can have an impact on us personally - sorry is very much a personal word.
💡 It might be better to say “I can’t imagine what that is like” or “Would you like to take a minute?” or perhaps “How can I make this easier for you?” You are still acknowledging the emotion (sadness) but keeping it at arm's length.
Don’t worry if you don’t get the emotion correct; the person will soon tell you 🫢. They might say "Angry, you have no idea!" or "I'm not angry, I am just damn well frustrated".
You might reply, "Tell me more about what happened," to angry people, or "Let's get this sorted quickly for you" to those who are sad.
Remember that it is all about them, not you. Focus on their needs first, and your reward will follow.
Let's talk!
Tears Bond Us!
Last week I was interviewed by a journalist; we've spoken several times over the years, and I value his professionalism.
Eighteen months ago, one conversation we had took an unexpected turn.
We stopped talking about the story and began talking about life and the trials many of us have had.
The journalist shared that he had lost a sibling to suicide.
I spoke about my own battle with depression during my police years. Before long, two people were sitting opposite each other with tears running down their cheeks.
No cameras, no interview, no professional roles.
Just two human beings sharing the pain of love and loss.
More recently, at the end of every conversation, this journalist always thanks me for taking the time to talk.
Yesterday, without thinking, I said something that surprised even me.
"No need to thank me; we are brothers now."
He looked puzzled.
I said, "Because we've shed tears together, and tears are closer than blood."
It stopped the conversation.
The older I get, the more I realise that some of the strongest bonds in life are not formed through genetics, titles, rank, wealth, or status.
They are formed in moments of vulnerability.
When someone trusts you enough to let you see their pain, when masks come off, when human beings stop performing and start connecting.
That moment of sharing and caring builds and strengthens bonds.
Maybe that's why so many people feel lonely today. We're surrounded by people but starving for connection.
Perhaps what we need isn't more followers, friends, or contacts. Perhaps we simply need more courage to let someone see our tears.
Sometimes tears don't make us weaker; sometimes they make us family.
Let’s talk!
The Great Dilemma!
A dilemma.
In business we constantly make difficult decisions, this one has me perplexed.
When demolishing our old kitchen we uncovered a solid floor safe.
The decision I have to make is: should we use an expert to try and open it; try to unlock it ourselves as we've often watched on TV; or should we dig it out and use an angle grinder and hope for the best.
Our HSW manager says that I am not allowed to use explosives, such a killjoy.
The dilemma, if we get an expert or try to open it ourselves in the conventional manner, there are only three opportunities to open it before the failsafe activates meaning it can never be opened using the tumbler!
Perhaps we should just cover it back over and let somebody else make the decision. It wouldn't be the first time decisions are left for someone else to make.
However, if we leave it for someone else we might always wonder what, if anything, was inside the safe.
The newest member of the WARN team wants to have a go before any decision is made. To be honest, he's probably more qualified than we are given digging up treasure is in his DNA.
UPDATE - after four brokenn drill bits, managed to view the contents = Newspaper!
When In Doubt.....
As a crisis negotiator, there’s a moment I’ll never forget: the long, lonely walk towards someone standing on the wrong side of a bridge’s handrail, contemplating whether to jump.
That walk is desperately lonely. Every step is filled with fear: wondering what to say, what if I say the wrong thing, what if it doesn’t go well, what if they jump, will I be blamed?
Add to this the fact that I was living with depression myself, with at least one serious ideation in my past.
The thing is - many of us have that same long, lonely walk.
It might not have been on a bridge. It could be as simple as heading into a difficult meeting at work.
These situations, and so many more, create that same lonely, agonising feeling.
It doesn’t have to be a matter of life and death. The long, lonely walk can arrive at any time our brain thinks we need to be on high alert.
The stomach ties itself in knots, so tight that it hurts. The heart pounds so hard it feels like it might break through your chest. Our mouth goes so dry that you fear you won’t be able to speak.
We’ve all had that feeling, the feeling of extreme fear in what is otherwise everyday life.
So, how do we control those unnecessary thoughts?
How do we bring our heart rate down, loosen the knot in our stomach, and steady our voice?
Start by breathing out!
When we’re anxious, we tend to hold our breath or breathe shallowly. This activates our sympathetic nervous system and puts us on high alert.
A long, slow exhale signals to the brain that we’re safe, activating the parasympathetic nervous system, our natural ‘calm down’ switch.
Then, breathe in and out as slowly as possible. Forget counting; your brain will remain active if you count.
The long, lonely walk is part of being human. You don’t have to walk it alone, and you don’t have to be ruled by fear.
With a few simple tools, you can steady yourself. Ready to receive the news, ready to do the right thing, ready to accept change, and maybe even feel a spark of hope for what comes next.
When in doubt, simply breathe out. Try it right now.
Let’s talk!
Inductions Are Important.
Our newest employee, Wally, has been completing his induction training 🐾
There has been a few minor Health & Safety incidents in the form of scratches and bites, but we’re confident he’ll get the hang of workplace safety soon 😂
He can also get a little distracted, but he’s off to a great start!