When I joined the police, our training sergeant congratulated us. He told us we had beaten thousands of other applicants to get there.
Then he said something I have never forgotten:
"You have spent years trying to get into the police; the police will spend the rest of your career trying to get rid of you."
It sounded harsh, and I was taken aback.
What he really meant was that we will be watched. Every decision, every action, every mistake, every complaint.
If you get it wrong, you will be held accountable.
After 22 years in policing, I am yet to meet an officer who hasn't been investigated at some point in their career. Most complaints never result in any finding of wrongdoing, but they are still part of the reality of the job.
When I left the police, something interesting happened. I started seeing things differently about my police career.
I began questioning some of the decisions we had made, some of the things we had been asked to do, some of the situations where we believed we were doing the right thing based on the information we had at the time.
At first, my reaction was: How could that have happened?
Then I realised something important: policing was never just about enforcing the law.
Police officers are expected to be counsellors, mediators, social workers, crisis negotiators, mental health responders, mentors, protectors, investigators, and sometimes - simply the person who turns up when nobody else will.
Most receive little formal training for many of these roles. Instead, they rely on experience, judgement, values and their own life stories to help guide difficult decisions.
Human beings, no matter how well-intentioned, do not always get those decisions right.
The older I get, the less interested I am in judging organisations from a distance. Instead, I find myself asking different questions.
Were the people well selected? Were they trained adequately? Did they have the tools and support they needed? Were they encouraged to think critically? Were they supported when they made difficult judgement calls?
Perhaps most importantly, what happened when things didn't go according to plan?
Organisations do not make decisions; people do.
People operate within systems, policies, expectations, pressures, and often incomplete information.
That doesn't remove accountability. It does, however, add understanding.
Today, I still see policing as a numbers game. The number of people helped, not the number of people arrested.
The problem is there is no box on a timesheet for the teenager you put back on track. No performance measure for the victim who finally felt heard. No code for the family who slept a little easier because someone cared enough to listen.
Before we pass judgement on any organisation, perhaps we should first understand the people within it.
Walk a mile in their shoes by understanding their training, understanding their pressures, and understanding their choices.
Let’s talk!
Motivation Is Close By.
For years I convinced myself alcohol was helping me.
It relaxed me, it helped me think, it made me more creative, it slowed my very busy brain down.
What I now realise is that it was creating silence, not clarity.
One day at the airport before a holiday, I offered my wife a glass of champagne.
She replied: No thanks. I'm going to stop drinking.
That single sentence changed my life.
The truth is, I'd wanted to stop for years; I just needed someone to prompt me.
I will always be grateful to my wife for that moment.
Giving up alcohol wasn't as hard as I expected. For decades, I had built a story around why I needed it.
Drinking helped me relax, drinking helped me cope, drinking helped me be my best.
I was wrong. Stopping alcohol did change my life forever.
I manage stress differently, my anger has reduced, I connect more deeply with people, I take on bigger challenges, and I'm learning better ways to work with my crazy brain.
Coincidence or not, business improved too.
One thing I don't miss is what I call the post-dining blues. That feeling after a night out where you're a little flat, a little foggy and not quite yourself.
Now, going out is about good conversation, connection, a clear head and waking up ready for the next day.
This isn't so much a post about giving up alcohol as it is about challenging the stories we tell ourselves.
Sometimes the motivation to change isn't found in a book or seminar; oftentimes, it's sitting right beside you at an airport saying: I'm not going to do this anymore.
Let’s talk!
A few years ago, I had the privilege of meeting Nigel Latta when we were both speaking at the same conference.
I will always remember him talking to me afterwards about the breathwork I had used in my presentation. He was fascinated by the practical application of it and how something so simple could have such a powerful effect on people.
What struck me most wasn't his intelligence or reputation, although both were obvious; it was his presence.
Over the years we'd often bump into each other at airports. Like me, Nigel usually had his head buried in work, reading something interesting, or watching a video.
Yet whenever we saw each other, he would immediately put everything aside, stop what he was doing and spend time catching up.
No distractions, just genuine interest in another person. In a world that constantly competes for our attention, that is a rare gift.
Nigel spent much of his career helping New Zealanders better understand themselves, their behaviours, their relationships, and what it means to live a meaningful life.
His work translated psychology into something practical, relatable, and human.
I was fortunate to be involved in episode two of the documentary series inspired by his final book, Lessons on Living.
Exactly 12 months after his passing that I recieved an email from the producers, Ruckus Media, advising the publication of this project.
During what felt like a very long interview, John Aiken somehow managed to get me emotional not once, but twice.
The series explores three simple but powerful ideas over three episodes:
Drive the Bus
The space between what happens to us and how we choose to respond.
Focus on the Things You Can Control
Where our attention and energy are best directed when life feels overwhelming.
Teamwork
Belonging, vulnerability, kindness, connection, and ultimately Nigel's belief that the meaning of life comes back to love.
As Nigel often demonstrated through his work, the most important lessons in life are rarely complicated. They are simply difficult to remember when life gets busy, stressful, or uncertain.
Looking back, what I remember most isn't what Nigel knew, it's how he made time for people and how he made them feel.
Perhaps, that was one of the greatest lessons he taught us all.
Lessons on Living launches at 8.30 pm on Wednesday 14 October 2026 on Sky Open, Sky Go, ThreeNow, and Neon.
Thank you, Nigel. New Zealand is better for the conversations you started and for the understanding you helped create.
Let’s talk!
Get It Out Of Your Head!
For years, I thought it was just me.
I'd climb into bed, turn off the light, and then suddenly my brain would decide it was the perfect time to replay the day's events.
A conversation from work, something I should have said, something I shouldn't have said, a problem I hadn't solved, or a situation that felt unfinished.
As someone with undiagnosed ADHD, I assumed this nightly movie marathon was just part of the package. It turns out there's some fascinating research behind it.
Psychologists talk about our tendency to keep thinking about things that feel unresolved. The brain dislikes unfinished business.
When we finally slow down at night, those unfinished thoughts often reappear in one of three forms:
🧠 Rumination - "Why did I say that?"
🧠 Problem Solving - "What should I do tomorrow?"
🧠 Threat Monitoring - "What if this goes wrong?"
The challenge is that our brain doesn't always know the difference between preparing us for tomorrow and keeping us awake until midnight.
Over the years, I've found one simple strategy helps more than almost anything else - get it out of your head before you go to bed.
Talk about it, write about it, read about it or make a plan about it. Don't let it bounce around inside your skull all evening!
When you write things down or talk them through, you're sending your brain an important message: I've noticed this. I've thought about it. I've got a plan. You can stop reminding me now.
Here’s a way of doing it if none of the three earlier solutions worked for you. Answer these three questions:
✅ What happened?
✅ What did you do well?
✅ What would I do next time in the same situation?
✅ Is there anything I can do to minimise what occurred?
Once those questions are answered, the issue moves from being an emotional burden to becoming a task with a plan.
Of course, my brain occasionally ignores all this advice.
At 3 am it still likes to remind me about a conversation I had in 2014 that nobody else remembers, yet at least now I know it's not a personal flaw.
It's just my brain trying very hard to protect me, solve my problems, and prepare me for tomorrow.
The trick is helping it (my brain) realise that tomorrow will still be there after a good night's sleep.
Sometimes the best sleep strategy isn't clearing your mind; it's emptying it out of your head onto paper first.
Let’s talk!
Should I Rest More?
I've spent most of my life believing relaxation was something other people did.
Me, I've got stuff to do.
I've never been known for sitting still. I've always been what I call an active relaxer. Even during a movie, I'll usually get up and find something to do.
I've been around long enough to remember when computers arrived in the workplace, when mobile phones came with battery packs the size of a small suitcase, when colour TV was a novelty, and when our home phone was a party line shared with the neighbours.
For most of those years, my attitude was simple: I'll rest when the job is done.
The problem is that the job is never done.
Recently, though, I've started noticing I may not be as invincible as I once thought.
Then along came our new kitten. For a couple of hours, he tears around the house, creating absolute chaos.
Then, without a hint of guilt, he stretches out and falls fast asleep. A little later, he's fully recharged and ready to do it all again.
Watching that kitten got me thinking.
Why are humans so determined to keep going when every other creature seems to understand the importance of recovery?
Neuroscience suggests that short breaks during the day reduce fatigue and increase energy.
Research has also shown that when we stop focusing on a task, the brain switches into a different mode that helps us process experiences, reflect, and connect ideas. In other words, the brain doesn't stop working when we rest. It simply does different work.
Then there's the power nap.
One well-known NASA study found that pilots who took a short nap improved alertness by 54% and performance by 34%.
For years, many of us have treated recovery as a reward, but the evidence suggests it's actually a requirement.
So perhaps the question isn't: Do I have time to rest? Maybe it's: Can I afford not to?
As for me, I'm still learning!
But now and then I look over at our newest member of the WARN International team, asleep on the office floor after another exhausting morning of being completely unhelpful, and I wonder if the kitten understands performance psychology better than I do.
What about you? Do you rest naturally, or do you need to give yourself permission to slow down?
Let’s talk!