I Delivered My Best Ever Presentation on Brain Fog, I Just Wasn’t There For It.
Last weekend I was due to present to Cancer Support New Zealand, something I volunteer to do as a charity close to my heart.
The topic? Brain fog.
What causes it, what it feels like, what we can do about it.
There was just one small problem: I completely forgot to turn up myself!
No reminder, no ‘I’d better check the time,’ no last-minute nerves before going online.
Just, well, nothing.
Now, in my defence, your honour, I’ve spent years talking about how busy minds get overloaded. How stress, fatigue, and emotional load can quietly hijack our thinking.
Even I had to laugh at the irony - a talk about brain fog lost in brain fog.
Brain fog isn’t a lack of intelligence; it’s a lack of bandwidth.
When your brain is overloaded, whether from stress, trauma, illness, or (in this case) life, it starts dropping non-essential files.
Unfortunately, sometimes those non-essential files are, well, an entire presentation.
If brain fog ever pays you a visit, here are a few things that actually help:
🧠 Externalise Your Brain - Don't trust your head to hold it. If it’s not written on a giant sticky note, put in your digital calendar with three loud alarms, or shouted at a smart speaker, it doesn't exist.
🧠 The ‘One Thing’ Rule - When you have a million things spinning, your brain freezes. Pick one micro-task. Clear one email. Fold three shirts. Total focus on a small win restarts the engine.
🧠 Change the Sensory Channel - If you're staring blankly at a screen, your brain is stuck in a loop. Break it physically. Splash ice-cold water on your face, step outside for brisk fresh air, or blast a song. Shock the nervous system out of the fog.
🧠 Be Kind to Yourself - Stress makes cognitive fatigue worse. Beating yourself up just locks the fog in place. Laugh, apologise, and reset. In my case, I went for a run shuffle.
Despite decades of work in crisis negotiation and years in mental health and resilience, I’m still human.
Sometimes being human looks like missing your own session on brain fog.
To Cancer Support New Zealand, thank you for your understanding (and your humour about it). I promise next time I’ll be there.
Vulnerability!
I’ve sat with people on what they believed might be their last day.
I could feel their words.
The heartbreak, the exhaustion, the surrender that can creep in when life feels too heavy.
I’ve learned that most people are searching for just one thing to hold on to. One reason, one person, one moment, one breath that leads to the next.
Not long after stepping into that role, I found myself there, too - vulnerable.
Not as the negotiator, as the person trying to survive.
It felt like being locked in a straitjacket and thrown into the sea, fighting to stay afloat, gasping between waves, not thinking about tomorrow. Just trying to keep breathing, second by second.
We often say, “Just reach out, help is there.”
When you’re in that space, reaching out can feel impossible. All of your energy is spent on surviving the moment you’re in.
From the outside, it can look like withdrawal, anger, silence, or even resistance.
On the inside - it’s a battle between strength and fragility.
Strength because they’re still here, still fighting, still breathing.
Fragility because it’s a second-by-second existence.
It’s said that the measure of a society is how we treat our most vulnerable.
But before we can support them, we must first understand them.
When we do, we don’t just respond better, we connect and steady the waves.
In doing so, we might just become the reason they hold on for one more breath.
Let’s talk!
Managing Tough Economic Times
The cost of living is hitting hard right now!
People are feeling it at the supermarket and at the fuel pump, along with that low-level pressure that never seems to switch off.
Working in the community as we do, it’s not just a financial problem.
When pressure increases, the brain shifts into threat mode.
When that happens, we tend to focus on what’s wrong. We start to feel overwhelmed, we often avoid what feels hard, and we make short-term decisions just to make life feel easier.
This is because the brain is trying to protect us. That same system that’s trying to protect us by pointing out the danger can work against us.
We can’t think clearly when we are overloaded, we can’t plan well when everything feels urgent, and it becomes hard to stay disciplined.
Before we talk about money, we need to talk about you! Managing the cost of living starts with managing your state.
Research shows that putting problems, like changing patterns or things you can’t easily say out loud, onto paper helps us gain clarity.
The moment you do that, you move from emotion back into thinking.
Then we focus on what we can control. Not everything all at once, just the immediate problem.
In the case of finances - what’s coming in, what’s going out, what small changes can we make?
Small changes done consistently compound to make the biggest difference.
When you focus your attention on practical action, you feel more in control, your stress reduces, and you make better decisions.
Attention drives behaviour and behaviour drives outcomes.
You can’t control the economy, but you can control where your attention goes.
If you’re feeling it, you’re not alone, and you’re also not stuck.
Find one small thing to reduce your expenditure, and then another, and then another.
This will provide you with real change and real outcomes.
Let’s talk.
Thank You Kapiti Coast DC.
They’re the first.
Kāpiti Coast District Council is the 42nd council we work with and has just become the first council in New Zealand to undertake our 2-day Train the Trainer programme in de-escalation and personal safety.
Every day, staff across our communities are dealing with heightened emotion, frustration and unpredictable behaviour.
The question is no longer whether these moments happen; it’s how prepared we are when they do.
When your own people become your trainers:
The learning becomes relevant.
The response becomes consistent.
The impact becomes sustainable.
From understanding the brain’s negativity bias to using voice, tone, and structured communication techniques like the Triple A©, Triple Sentence©, and Triple Support© to safely manage threats and recognise when someone is truly struggling.
The techniques are simple to use under pressure and are built on powerful neuroscience and proven behavioural strategies.
Every element is designed for one purpose - to reduce risk without increasing conflict.
Highly practical, highly engaging and highly effective.
Delivered over two days with ongoing requalification to keep skills sharp and current.
A huge acknowledgement to Kapiti Coast District Council for leading the way.
Let’s talk!
We All See The World From Our Own Eyes!
We talk a lot about vulnerability, but very few people truly understand what it feels like.
From the outside, vulnerability can look simple. That view comes from a place of safety.
We all see the world through our own eyes, through our own experiences, through what hasn’t happened to us.
That creates a gap between those who feel safe enough to be vulnerable and those who’ve learned that vulnerability comes at a cost.
For some people, being vulnerable doesn’t feel freeing; it feels dangerous.
Their experience has taught them:
If I show this, I’ll be judged.
If I speak up, I won’t be heard.
If I’m honest, it will be used against me.
So, they adapt, they harden, they withdraw, they suppress.
Not because they don’t want connection, often it’s because they’ve learned survival first.
Unless you’ve been there, or you’ve sat alongside people who have, it’s hard to truly understand.
It’s hard to feel what it’s like to be unheard, what it’s like to feel less than, what it’s like to live in a system that doesn’t reflect you. So, we interpret behaviour through our lens.
We might see silence as disinterest, anger as aggression, and withdrawal as laziness. When sometimes, it’s protection - years of pressure with nowhere safe to go.
To truly understand someone, we must step back from our own perspective and ask, ‘What might this feel like from where they’re standing?’
The impact we have on others is measured by how it lands, no matter the intention.
If we want better conversations, stronger communities and less disconnection, we must start by making it safe enough so that people feel they can open up.
Let’s talk!