Thanks, but I'll have to pass on that.
I'm going to need to say no, but thanks!
I can't make it work this time, sorry.
Not today.
No.
I'm not up for that right now, but I appreciate the invite.
I'm going to have to sit this one out, but thanks for thinking of me
No, thank you.
I'd love to, but I'm swamped right now.
I've got a lot on my plate, so I'll have to decline.
Thanks for the offer, but I'm going to have to pass.
Often we don't want to disappoint, so we tend to say "yes' when asked to do something. Unfortunately, this desire to help, or rather not to disappoint, might be detrimental to our well-being - especially at a time of year when many of our plates (and calendars) are full.
Saying "yes" may be important to you, so keep doing so if you can continue without it impacting on you. Remember that you need downtime to do things to relax. Saying "no" can be difficult, especially if you have got into the habit of saying "yes".
Know that saying "no" can also be exhilarating, and your brain will eventually thank you for it.
Let's talk!
Thank You To Those Who Work In Customer Service
It's that time of the year that most of us enjoy, the holiday season .
A time when we prepare to get together with family and friends to celebrate and to relax. A time when we are so busy that we sometimes forget about others.
Things don't always go the way that they should in the lead-up to holiday times and oftentimes we are in a rush to get things done so that we can relax. In this busy time when things don't go the way that we hoped that they would, we get anxious and may say things that we wouldn't ordinarily say.
The bearer of our immediate response is at times the person who can help us the most, the customer service assistant (CSA).
Those who work in the customer service industry - banks, call centres, shops, restaurants, etc. - do so because they enjoy what they do. They are drawn to their vocation because they want to help others.
It is in these busy times that they work harder than ever with no additional reward. Their reward is simply to help as many people as possible.
Know that the person in front of you or who is on the phone is trying their very best to help you with your issue. They don't want things to go wrong for you, they don't want you to be in distress, they didn't set out to make your life hard, and they may just be as overwhelmed as you are.
When things go wrong in these busy times, spare a thought for those who work in the customer service industry.
Let's talk!
Dealing With Angry People?
With many organisations seeing an increase in angry clients and customers, we are regularly asked the question, "How do we talk to an angry person?"
Often, saying nothing or simply agreeing with how they feel can help reduce conflict.
Here are some other tips for dealing with the angry :
Stand tall with your head up, shoulders back, and hands by your side. This shows that you are open and ready to listen.
Listen to what they are saying. When they have finished their 'vent', paraphrase back to them what they said related to the facts of what they are yelling about. (i.e., you are here to talk about .....).
Reduce your eye contact to half of what you would usually do, 30% instead of 60%.
The person will come at you again, repeat the process. Keep your hand movements to a minimum.
If you can, hold something in your hand such as a notebook or pen. This will help relax your facial muscles and give you the feeling of support. (Try it now, stand up with your hands by your side without anything in your hands and then pick something up. Note how you feel more relaxed yet confident).
If you're able to, invite the person to sit down. This will reduce their anger as they won't have a strong foundation on which to rage.
Go through their issue without taking any notes, this is called free recall. Then ask them to go through it again and tell them that this time you will be taking notes. Going through it twice reduces the tension, clarifies the situation, and allows them to tell their story at least twice to ease built-up tension.
If you can, get them to make notes also. When we write words by forming letters we go to our logic brain rather than remain in our emotional brain.
Throughout the conversation, use words such as important. "I can tell this is important to you." They are in a heightened state because this is important to them, and acknowledging this will support them in feeling acknowledged and validated.
Let's talk!
Manage Unwanted Emotions At Christmas.
It's that time of year again, a time where many of us can feel overwhelmed.
Try working any of these into your day to get your emotions out when the silly season feels a little too much:
Me time - aim for 30 minutes a day alone doing something that you get completely lost in. Can't do 30 minutes? Try 15
Smile - the 'feel good' neurotransmitters of dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are released when we smile. Your smile must be as genuine as possible, or at the very least your brain must think that your smile is genuine. If you cannot bring yourself to produce a genuine smile, any smile is at least a start.
Physical exercise - A 30-minute walk is enough to burn off adrenaline and cortisol and dump the feel-good endorphins into our brain.
Feel your feelings - Sit and focus for five minutes on how you feel and what you are experiencing. Get angry, get annoyed, get frustrated, get whatever it takes to explore them all and feel the different sensations until you either run out or the five minutes is up.
Talking - Saving the best for last, talking with others not only helps us express how we are feeling, but also helps to get ideas on how others manage the festive season.
Let's talk!
Managing A Loss.
We fear just one thing in life - loss.
Loss of life, loss of control, loss of dignity, loss of... And when we lose something it can be very painful. The stronger the emotional connection to that loss the stronger the pain we feel.
Additionally, each of us feels loss differently. Some will compartmentalise, some will show their emotion outwardly, some will catastrophise, some will want others to feel the pain that they are feeling by being hurtful, some will look for blame, some will...
Losing anything that is dear to us will leave us feeling lost, hence the two words are related. When we are lost we feel alone, in a void of nothingness. The void will be quickly filled with guilt, regret, remorse, anger, the list is endless.
There is another way to fill that void, rejuvenate positive AND negative memories of the loss to reignite the full memory and strengthen it. A big part of losing a loved one is the fear of losing the memory of them.
Whilst well-meaning, we are told that we should remember the good times we had with that person. This is extremely difficult to do in the immediacy after the loss, and probably more so once we've worked our way through the grief - if we ever in fact are able to do so.
It's like saying when you are having dark thoughts simply think of something happy or when your mood is low think of something joyful to lift your spirits. Some of us might have the capability to do this, but seldom without also changing our breathing.
Sit where you are right now and breathe out very, very slowly. There is no need to breathe in first, just breathe out as slow as you can. By the time you have fully exhaled you will most likely find yourself calmer.
Why should we remember the bad times as well as the good?
A study in April 2023 examined a technique known as Processing of Positive Memories Technique. The study was developed for those with PTSD who often have trouble processing positive memories.
The controlled interventions focused on enhancing the retrieval of both traumatic and positive memories to benefit their overall well-being. The interventions include a range of individual and group discussions as well as practical activities.
Participants reported they felt that discussing past memories promoted gratitude, hope, and positivity about current life-circumstances. Furthermore, they noticed immediate and tangible benefits such as improved mood that lasted even after the session ended.
Recalling past memories provided a helpful perspective on past events by balancing out the positive memories with the negative ones, and how the good and bad interrelated. Participants felt this made their treatment more personal.
Importantly, it helped promote their confidence, their positive emotions, and their safety to allow them to be comfortable in reliving the memories. This made it much easier for PTSD sufferers to transition the techniques into their daily lives.
Simple examples of what you and I can do to refresh memories when suffering a loss include:
Looking through photographs and videos.
Going to places that our loved one would visit with us.
Eating food that you both enjoyed.
Doing activities that you loved doing together.
Most importantly - talk with others more openly and honestly about who you have lost.
Anything that uses our five senses to invoke memories - sight, sound, touch, hearing, or smelling. The olfactory system (smell) is very powerful.
It is okay to remember the bad memories, for these will be balanced out with the positive ones leaving you with a much stronger emotional connection with the loss.
Always remember one thing about our brain - the emotion holds the memory. The stronger the emotion at the time of the experience directly equates to the stronger our memory. Emotion builds synapse connections which are hard to break once in place.
It is not just about the good times after all, it is also about the bad times. For memories are made of them both!
Let's Talk!