Relationships Are Important

Relationships matter, in business and in life.

At their best, they are a two-way partnership built on trust, honesty and growth.

I’ve been incredibly fortunate to work with Auckland Transport since 2017.

In 2018, I delivered the first programme for Parking Officers, and I’ve had the privilege of returning every year since – including 2026 and now with the Transport Officers.

What makes this relationship special is going beyond delivery.

Each year we sit down, reflect on the real challenges staff are facing, and design a new programme that responds to people, not just their roles.

That takes time, courage and a willingness to look deeply at learning styles, values, humour, DEI, attention spans and how people engage with each other and the public.

This year, a small sign outside the training room caught my eye: “LANCE TRAINING.”

A simple gesture, but a powerful message – this work matters.

Thank you Auckland Transport for your trust and loyalty.

Mā te mahi ngātahi ka kaha ake tātou – together we grow stronger.

Let's talk!

A Smile Says It All!

Currently, the world is feeling brittle and vulnerable. There are things happening globally that many of us are feeling the impact of.

There is one thing we can control, ourselves.

A smile can change how we feel, even if you force one.

Be someone else's joy by smiling at them and it will lift you; it's called a reward smile.

YET!

"Yet" carries a lot of weight because of its ability to transform a statement from finality to possibility, and from possibility to certainty.

The power of a word depends on its context and how it is used.

"Yet" is incredibly empowering for personal growth and overcoming our challenges.

"Yet" provides us with motivation when we are striving to achieve a goal. It suggests that while something hasn’t happened at this time, it still has the potential to happen.

“Yet” can turn a negative statement into a positive one, filled with optimism and hope. Rather than saying, "I can't get through this," we can add the word "yet" at the end: "I can't get through this, yet."

Adding "yet" to a statement can also shift our mindset from a fixed one to a growth one. It’s a reminder that we’re constantly evolving and that our current state is not our final destination.

The word "yet" is a great tool for keeping conversations positive and forward-looking.

You can use the word “yet” in many situations:
1. Self-improvement:
🧠 "I haven't learned to do this, yet."
🧠 "I can't solve this, yet."
🧠 “I haven’t got out of this rut, yet.”
🧠 "I am not where I want to be yet, but I'm working on it."

2. Encouragement to others:
🧠 "You haven't mastered this skill yet, but you're well on the way."
🧠 "We haven't reached our goal yet, but we're along the path."

3. Future Plans:
🧠 "I haven't been there yet, but it's on my list."
🧠 "I haven’t reached my full potential, yet”

4. Handling Workplace Challenges:
🧠 "I haven't figured out the solution yet, and I will."
🧠 "This project isn't complete; yet we are finding ways forward."

Adding the word "yet" to our vocabulary can truly make a difference in how we perceive our challenges. It turns the impossible into the possible, the unreachable into the reachable, the goal into an ongoing opportunity.

Success is not about what you can achieve right now; it's about the potential you haven't unlocked - yet.

Let’s talk!

Navigating Grief.

When grief comes, it doesn’t ask permission. We’re often told to stay strong, to hold it together, to be positive.

I believed that for years, until life taught me a deeper lesson: feelings don’t disappear when we ignore them; they just go quiet and go inward.

In my TEDx talk, I shared how suppressing emotions can pile stress onto the body and brain.

It can look like fatigue we can’t shake, irritability we can’t explain, or numbness that creeps into the best parts of our lives.

In grief, I’ve learned from two people I deeply respect: Dr Lucy Hone and Dr Denise Quinlan.

Their work doesn’t offer quick fixes. It offers something better – permission.

Permission to honour your pain and to keep living alongside it.

Denise facilitated my Diploma in Positive Psychology and Wellbeing; her presence modelled compassion in action.

I have admired Lucy’s work for many years, which I try to emulate – practical, kind and real.

There is no right way to grieve, only your way.

Some people speak. Some write. Some move, garden, pray, surf, build, sit quietly, or cry loudly.

The point isn’t to perform resilience; the point is to practice it.

As a family, we have been through tremendous grief, as have we all.

Sharing emotions hasn’t made the grief vanish. It has made room for love to keep breathing.

If you’re reading this in the thick of it, here’s what I hope you hear today:
❤️‍🩹 Your way of grieving is valid.
❤️‍🩹 You can let your feelings out slowly.
❤️‍🩹 You don’t have to be okay to be loved.
❤️‍🩹 Help is a strength, not a verdict.

If you have the capacity, check in on someone quietly carrying a heavy load. Not with solutions, just with presence. Ask one kind question and stay for the answer.

Thank you, Dr Lucy Hone and Dr Denise Quinlan, for your practical, compassionate wisdom.

And to anyone navigating loss, we are with you.

Let’s talk!

Why Does This Always Happen To Me?

How many times have you said, "Why does this always happen to me?!"

As my dear departed Mum used to say, "It's not all about you, son".

She was right.

Often, things just happen for no particular reason. It is these adversities that make us who we are, not the adversity itself. In some ways, our response to these events is more important.

There is a saying that goes something like this: 'It's not how we fall, it's how we get back up again.'

I prefer to say, "It's not that we fell, it's that we got back up".

We can believe ourselves, or believe IN ourselves.

As we go through life and negative events happen, our brain places a marker in our memory as a point of reference for the future, mainly so we can avoid similar situations in the future. The problem is that the marker doesn't clarify the cause or how we got through the event; it simply records the part of the event where our emotion was at its highest.

Generally, we repeat our behaviours because our brain prefers to stick to patterns of behaviour, known as habits, which are based on neural pathways. These pathways are there to keep us safe.

Our brain is a dumb tool designed for simpler times, and although our world has developed, our brain hasn't kept pace. Sure, the brain has developed from the basic stem to one now that is more complex, yet the fundamentals remain since the earliest of times - fight, flight, or freeze.

We learn by doing, and until we have experienced something several times, we might not get things right on the first, second, or even third occasion.

Do we learn from our past, yes, but only if we go back and examine what took place to change it.
A simple technique is to start by looking for similarities:
👉 Write a list of the occasions where the same event has happened.
👉 Next, write down beside each event what was similar about each one and see if you can identify a common theme or single causal factor about them, apart from the fact that you are involved.
Was it a choice that you made, or were you drawn to the similarity for a reason? Was your judgment clouded by emotional attraction? Is there one common action that you can now learn from and change? This is how we learn: looking back, opening it up, and examining the events.
👉 To complete the process, and this is a very necessary part, look for the differences in each event. These are often more difficult to find because we are all consumed with the commonalities, the 'why me' factor.

It is the differences in each event that we realise it was not necessarily us that was the cause. It was the situation, the emotion, or it just ‘was'.

It is better to do this technique with someone else to provide perspective. Coming together with others makes us feel safer knowing that we are all very similar, knowing others have faced similar events, and knowing we are not alone.

It is what it is because it was what it was; it's what you do now that matters - I have this tattooed on my chest as a reminder.

Let's talk!