We have all heard inspirational stories of people who have gone through extraordinarily tough times to overcome adversity. Many will recount being able to find a new level of strength and determination when they thought they had nothing left to give.
Is it courage, is it 'toughening up', or is it the ability to switch off from reality and focus on something else? It is the latter. People who can work through extreme adversity, to put the pain to one side, to find strength at the depths of despair, are all around us.
Much has been written about the common traits of people who do the seemingly impossible - a powerful inner drive, a tolerance of pain, the ability to visualise a goal, extraordinary self-discipline - and so the list goes on.
We all have the ability to tap into any of these traits. For me, it is one thing: the ability to focus on our hook.
We all have a hook, that one thing that we always think of when times get tough, our sense of purpose, our real strength.
If you focus on your hook – family, faith, fitness, friends, whatever it is for you – when times get tough, you will find the ability to gain unbelievable strength. Focusing on our hook stops our mind from wandering, prevents our inner voice from telling us to give up, and lets us ignore the present pain.
When we focus on our hook, we become energised, driven, and numb to the pain. For our hook is in our heart, and our heart will always overcome what our inner voice is telling us if we truly believe in our hook.
Do not believe your thoughts when times get tough, for they are just that, thoughts. Challenge every thought you have. Is it you, or is it your brain taking the easiest route? Our brain has one purpose: to keep us alive, and it will always tell us to give up. Ignore your voice and hold on to what is in your heart.
Be as patient with yourself as you are with those around you, and hold on to what you love, your hook.
When times get tough, always go with your heart and not your head.
In times of adversity, your heart will always know best.
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Before You Fall Asleep Tonight...
Before you fall asleep tonight, read this.
Think of Recovery in a Different Way.
Five years ago, I fell awkwardly and badly injured my shoulder, a double injury to my rotator cuff.
After the fall, my brain kept replaying the moment, sometimes even in dreams.
You might know that loop yourself - Why did this happen? What was I thinking? This is my fault.
When something negative happens, the brain automatically replays it to learn from it. It’s trying to protect us from it happening again.
Helpful in theory, damn uncomfortable in reality.
If the replay goes on too long, it can lead to acute stress and, at the extreme end, post-traumatic stress.
Post-surgery, I underwent physiotherapy. Physio is painful, tiring and necessary.
In my workshops, I always ask, “Who here has had physio?” Almost everyone has.
Then I point out, “So you’ve all had therapy then – physiotherapy.”
Why is mind therapy treated differently?
Physiotherapists get us talking about the injury, then apply pressure to the painful part to help it release and heal.
Psychologists do the same for emotional injuries; they help us release the emotion that’s been stuck.
Emotions must come out!
If we don’t express emotions, they don’t disappear; they build.
Talking helps the brain process the event so it can finally move forward.
I openly talk about the fall, the fear and the emotions that came with it. No hiding. No pretending.
And the flashbacks are easing.
Showing vulnerability also allows others to open up. Healing becomes something shared.
Talking about emotional pain should be as normal as talking about physical pain.
Seeing a counsellor or psychologist is no different from seeing a GP or physio; both help us recover.
Let’s normalise the conversation.
Let’s talk.
Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone!
I can't remember my first keynote presentation; it was all a blur. I paced the stage, going through a presentation by simply following the slides. Apparently, it went okay, but I couldn't tell.
I got off stage thinking, “How do people do this for a living?” And then the rush of adrenaline wore off, replaced by dopamine and endorphins, which left me feeling elated.
Having always challenged myself to overcome my fears, I saw it now as a challenge to continue keynote speaking alongside the workshops we were running for businesses.
We know now it is important to overcome our fears, or at least do our best to.
I had a fear of heights, which, ironically, led me to take up skydiving. While it didn’t cure my fear, it was an extreme experience that taught me a lot about myself.
Perhaps it was the near-death experience of hurtling towards earth when all you can think about is pulling the ripcord that brings clarity to every sense.
As a crisis negotiator, undertaking suicide interventions was another fear I had to overcome. How will I start the conversation? How will I keep the conversation going? What if I say the wrong thing?
What if they jump?
Fortunately, no one ever jumped. I again learned a great deal about myself, others, and how to engage in a conversation, no matter how intense it might be.
Keynote speaking hasn’t come naturally to me. Even after years of speaking, I still get butterflies before every keynote.
So why do I keep doing it?
Why do I keep putting myself up on stage under pressure? Why don't I just focus on presenting our workshops in a controlled environment?
It is the challenge to overcome my fears that motivates me.
My largest audience to date for a keynote was over 2000 people, where I was the opening address at a conference. I was told I was the opener just before going onstage. Awesome, that little rush of fear produced an amazing presentation.
These days, I am often asked to open or close a conference, which is truly an honour.
I also love the most difficult time for keynotes, the first speaker after lunch! I refer to that slot as the graveyard shift, as most people are recovering from lunch.
There was a time early on when I decided to stop being a keynote presenter. I viewed the nerves as stress rather than what they should have been – a means to be at my best and overcome the challenge.
As soon as I saw it differently, it became easier. Excitement and anxiety are processed in the same part of the brain and share the same physical symptoms. Perhaps I was simply seeing it wrong.
Whilst I still get nervous before every keynote, it is those nerves that keep me focused, at my best, and provide me with humility.
Stepping out of our comfort zone to overcome our fears is a powerful experience; seeing it differently can be even more powerful.
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Relationships Are Important
Relationships matter, in business and in life.
At their best, they are a two-way partnership built on trust, honesty and growth.
I’ve been incredibly fortunate to work with Auckland Transport since 2017.
In 2018, I delivered the first programme for Parking Officers, and I’ve had the privilege of returning every year since – including 2026 and now with the Transport Officers.
What makes this relationship special is going beyond delivery.
Each year we sit down, reflect on the real challenges staff are facing, and design a new programme that responds to people, not just their roles.
That takes time, courage and a willingness to look deeply at learning styles, values, humour, DEI, attention spans and how people engage with each other and the public.
This year, a small sign outside the training room caught my eye: “LANCE TRAINING.”
A simple gesture, but a powerful message – this work matters.
Thank you Auckland Transport for your trust and loyalty.
Mā te mahi ngātahi ka kaha ake tātou – together we grow stronger.
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