Five years ago, I fell awkwardly and badly injured my shoulder, a double injury to my rotator cuff.
After the fall, my brain kept replaying the moment, sometimes even in dreams.
You might know that loop yourself - Why did this happen? What was I thinking? This is my fault.
When something negative happens, the brain automatically replays it to learn from it. It’s trying to protect us from it happening again.
Helpful in theory, damn uncomfortable in reality.
If the replay goes on too long, it can lead to acute stress and, at the extreme end, post-traumatic stress.
Post-surgery, I underwent physiotherapy. Physio is painful, tiring and necessary.
In my workshops, I always ask, “Who here has had physio?” Almost everyone has.
Then I point out, “So you’ve all had therapy then – physiotherapy.”
Why is mind therapy treated differently?
Physiotherapists get us talking about the injury, then apply pressure to the painful part to help it release and heal.
Psychologists do the same for emotional injuries; they help us release the emotion that’s been stuck.
Emotions must come out!
If we don’t express emotions, they don’t disappear; they build.
Talking helps the brain process the event so it can finally move forward.
I openly talk about the fall, the fear and the emotions that came with it. No hiding. No pretending.
And the flashbacks are easing.
Showing vulnerability also allows others to open up. Healing becomes something shared.
Talking about emotional pain should be as normal as talking about physical pain.
Seeing a counsellor or psychologist is no different from seeing a GP or physio; both help us recover.
Let’s normalise the conversation.
Let’s talk.
Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone!
I can't remember my first keynote presentation; it was all a blur. I paced the stage, going through a presentation by simply following the slides. Apparently, it went okay, but I couldn't tell.
I got off stage thinking, “How do people do this for a living?” And then the rush of adrenaline wore off, replaced by dopamine and endorphins, which left me feeling elated.
Having always challenged myself to overcome my fears, I saw it now as a challenge to continue keynote speaking alongside the workshops we were running for businesses.
We know now it is important to overcome our fears, or at least do our best to.
I had a fear of heights, which, ironically, led me to take up skydiving. While it didn’t cure my fear, it was an extreme experience that taught me a lot about myself.
Perhaps it was the near-death experience of hurtling towards earth when all you can think about is pulling the ripcord that brings clarity to every sense.
As a crisis negotiator, undertaking suicide interventions was another fear I had to overcome. How will I start the conversation? How will I keep the conversation going? What if I say the wrong thing?
What if they jump?
Fortunately, no one ever jumped. I again learned a great deal about myself, others, and how to engage in a conversation, no matter how intense it might be.
Keynote speaking hasn’t come naturally to me. Even after years of speaking, I still get butterflies before every keynote.
So why do I keep doing it?
Why do I keep putting myself up on stage under pressure? Why don't I just focus on presenting our workshops in a controlled environment?
It is the challenge to overcome my fears that motivates me.
My largest audience to date for a keynote was over 2000 people, where I was the opening address at a conference. I was told I was the opener just before going onstage. Awesome, that little rush of fear produced an amazing presentation.
These days, I am often asked to open or close a conference, which is truly an honour.
I also love the most difficult time for keynotes, the first speaker after lunch! I refer to that slot as the graveyard shift, as most people are recovering from lunch.
There was a time early on when I decided to stop being a keynote presenter. I viewed the nerves as stress rather than what they should have been – a means to be at my best and overcome the challenge.
As soon as I saw it differently, it became easier. Excitement and anxiety are processed in the same part of the brain and share the same physical symptoms. Perhaps I was simply seeing it wrong.
Whilst I still get nervous before every keynote, it is those nerves that keep me focused, at my best, and provide me with humility.
Stepping out of our comfort zone to overcome our fears is a powerful experience; seeing it differently can be even more powerful.
Let's talk!
Relationships Are Important
Relationships matter, in business and in life.
At their best, they are a two-way partnership built on trust, honesty and growth.
I’ve been incredibly fortunate to work with Auckland Transport since 2017.
In 2018, I delivered the first programme for Parking Officers, and I’ve had the privilege of returning every year since – including 2026 and now with the Transport Officers.
What makes this relationship special is going beyond delivery.
Each year we sit down, reflect on the real challenges staff are facing, and design a new programme that responds to people, not just their roles.
That takes time, courage and a willingness to look deeply at learning styles, values, humour, DEI, attention spans and how people engage with each other and the public.
This year, a small sign outside the training room caught my eye: “LANCE TRAINING.”
A simple gesture, but a powerful message – this work matters.
Thank you Auckland Transport for your trust and loyalty.
Mā te mahi ngātahi ka kaha ake tātou – together we grow stronger.
Let's talk!
A Smile Says It All!
Currently, the world is feeling brittle and vulnerable. There are things happening globally that many of us are feeling the impact of.
There is one thing we can control, ourselves.
A smile can change how we feel, even if you force one.
Be someone else's joy by smiling at them and it will lift you; it's called a reward smile.
YET!
"Yet" carries a lot of weight because of its ability to transform a statement from finality to possibility, and from possibility to certainty.
The power of a word depends on its context and how it is used.
"Yet" is incredibly empowering for personal growth and overcoming our challenges.
"Yet" provides us with motivation when we are striving to achieve a goal. It suggests that while something hasn’t happened at this time, it still has the potential to happen.
“Yet” can turn a negative statement into a positive one, filled with optimism and hope. Rather than saying, "I can't get through this," we can add the word "yet" at the end: "I can't get through this, yet."
Adding "yet" to a statement can also shift our mindset from a fixed one to a growth one. It’s a reminder that we’re constantly evolving and that our current state is not our final destination.
The word "yet" is a great tool for keeping conversations positive and forward-looking.
You can use the word “yet” in many situations:
1. Self-improvement:
🧠 "I haven't learned to do this, yet."
🧠 "I can't solve this, yet."
🧠 “I haven’t got out of this rut, yet.”
🧠 "I am not where I want to be yet, but I'm working on it."
2. Encouragement to others:
🧠 "You haven't mastered this skill yet, but you're well on the way."
🧠 "We haven't reached our goal yet, but we're along the path."
3. Future Plans:
🧠 "I haven't been there yet, but it's on my list."
🧠 "I haven’t reached my full potential, yet”
4. Handling Workplace Challenges:
🧠 "I haven't figured out the solution yet, and I will."
🧠 "This project isn't complete; yet we are finding ways forward."
Adding the word "yet" to our vocabulary can truly make a difference in how we perceive our challenges. It turns the impossible into the possible, the unreachable into the reachable, the goal into an ongoing opportunity.
Success is not about what you can achieve right now; it's about the potential you haven't unlocked - yet.
Let’s talk!