Keep Going In Tough Times.

There is little doubt that we live in different times to that of 30 years ago. Things now are faster, shorter, instant, processed, and largely artificial. When things don't go as well as we thought that they should have we tend to give up without a fight.

I get like that at times, wanting to give up on my goals and to move on. Life does get hard at times, often challenging, and it is all too easy to move on to something else because it didn't happen fast enough for us or the way that we hoped it would. 

Those who follow me will know that I post a lot about working hard, to keep going, to strive for what you want to achieve. I also post inspirational quotes each evening on the same topic through FaceBook. These posts and quotes keep me going as does the feedback I receive from those who read them.

When you feel like giving up on something, sit down and assess your goals. Re-evaluate what is important to you and let go of what isn’t. Reset your motivation switch. Most of all, keep going.

After all, what have you go to lose by pushing forward? Much less than if you simply gave up I would suggest. 

Random Facts About Your Brain!

Here's some random facts about your brain that may help explain some things about you;

·        Exercise increases your brain power - throughout evolution we learned new things while continually moving. 

·        Exercise also assists in the aging process - if you don't exercise you will die young hence the term 'survival of the fittest, your brain's neurotransmitters grow when you exercise.

·        The time of day has a strong influence on our brain - it's all about our circadian rhythm. (Notice how you sometimes get tired at 3pm and wake up at 3am?)

·        Believe it or not your brain likes inconsistency and variation - you need excitement in your life to keep your brain engaged and to grow in knowledge.

·        Chronic stress is bad for you - adrenaline can scar your blood vessels which may lead to a heart attack or stroke and the cortisol going to your brain can reduce your ability to learn.

·        Neurons (those things that make your brain work) go through a massive growth and culling stage at the age of two and in our teens - that's why kids become 'challenging' at those ages.

·        You can't multitask - you can only focus well on one thing at a time but you do have the ability to hold three things in your frontal lobe making you think that you are multitasking.

·        Your brain can only concentrate on something for up to 10 minutes unless it is exciting or interesting.

·        We forget 90% of what we learn within 30 days - most of that occurs within the first few hours of leaving the room.

That's probably enough for now, I hope you haven't dropped off already!

People Come Into Your Life For A Reason

Have you ever met someone through circumstance and wondered why you hadn't met them before, or why they have come into your life at this particular time, or perhaps you spoke with someone in your travels and you have an instant synergy?

I have stopped wondering why this occurs and learnt to enjoy the conversation, to enjoy the moment. I have been fortunate enough to meet many wonderful people out of coincidence, happenstance, or serendipity. There is always a reason to meet them, we just often don't see it at the time.

I met such a person yesterday for the second time and now know why we came together. As a former police crisis negotiator, my specialty was suicide intervention. However, I have never spoken to any of those people I helped since the intervention.

Rob Mokaraka was a young man struggling with his demons a few years ago who chose to end his life through suicide-by-police. He was shot in the chest and should have died, he didn't, he survived. And what a blessing for him and for those around him that he did so. And as it turns out, a blessing for me as well.

As someone involved in crisis intervention, I wanted to know why a person would choose such a method of death and met with Rob briefly one day after he had reached out to me through a mutual friend. There was an instant connection between us and we spent the next hour talking about our respective journeys.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending more time with Rob as filming on 'my story' continued for the New Zealand Television One program 'Sunday'. Rob kindly agreed to put on a show for me about his dive into the darkness. Rob wrote a one-man play called "Shot Bro" to explain what went on inside his head to cause him to take such drastic action.

His artistic talent is beyond belief as he took me on a journey of discovery into his intimate life, laughing and on occasion having me crying as he told his story through the play. The rollercoaster ride of emotions was powerful and draining.

Immediately afterwards we talked, shared, laughed, and got a little deep as we revealed to each other how similar we are. How similar we all are as humans in fact when going through tough times. 

People will come into your life for a reason, sometimes it is not always for good, mostly though it is.

When you are struggling, it is important to talk to someone. Know that someone will come into your life to help you at the right time, you simply have to be open to their approach when they do so.

Judge Yee Not!

How often have we looked at someone and put them into 'that box' only to find that it wasn't quite the right box? Or maybe, we hear a person’s voice on the phone and pictured what they looked like only to find they looked nothing like what we envisaged them to look like?

This is your brain going through an often subconscious process of putting people into categories so that we can deal with them according to those who we have previously met. Your brain thinks that it is looking after your own interests by doing so.

The same thing happens when we try to establish a rapport with someone, we make assumptions about them and try to find something that we have in common to talk about. Don’t do it, it doesn't work that way.

If you want to establish a rapport with someone, to stand alongside them, get to know something about the other person first. How do you do this, you ask them. How simple is that?

Instead, focus on them in their current situation, then find out how they got to where they are now, then you have all the information that you need to establish a rapport and to help them with whatever it is they want help with.

When we prejudge someone who we are meeting for the first time, it can lead us to prejudice, making incorrect assumptions that leads us to treat them differently than we normally would do. 

The words we say are also important when getting to know a person. Rather than say "I understand", (because you often don't), say "This is what it was like for me".

Few people do things to upset others. I am sure that most of us do not do or say these things intentionally to put a barrier in the way. It is human nature to want to help each other.

Know that this stuff is going on subconsciously, for the most part any way.

Just Breathe!

Breathing. Such a simple thing that we all do without any thought, in fact it's what we must do just to stay alive. Yet sometimes we forget how to breathe.

As we get busy each day and the stress of the world pushes down on us our breathing becomes fast and shallow. We don't use the full capacity of our lungs. And because of this, the oxygenated blood doesn't circulate adequately through our body to distribute the healthy and helpful benefits. In particular, to our brain.

When oxygenated blood flows through your brain it washes out any cortisol and allows us to think clearer and to relax more. I was surprised at the immediate benefits that just three long breaths can make.

Try it now - breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose and fill your lungs to their capacity. As you breath in push your stomach out to maximise the oxygen intake. As you slowly let the air it out notice how calm you feel. Isn’t that crazy?

There are variations to breathing as well that you can try. The 3-3-3 method is one I use when faced with an emotional person. Breathe in for three seconds, hold for three seconds, then breathe out for three seconds. In meditation, the 5-5-5 method is used to enhance calmness.

Research suggests that the more we do this deep breathing the less likely we are to go into the fight or flight mode, it reduces the need for the amygdala. I have heard that it may even shrink the amygdala, that little part of your brain that is responsible for all of our stress-related problems.

Who would have imagined that we would forget to breath properly!