Young People, What Are They Thinking?

Have you noticed how young people act differently to the rest of us ‘oldies’? I am talking about the latter half of the millennials (Gen-Y's) and the beginning of the Pluralists (Gen-Zs). What are they thinking? Lots of things as it turns out.

The brain of a person aged 18 to 25 is going flat out, they are thinking of so many things at one time that they often have difficulty slowing their brain down at night time to get to sleep. Their ability to focus on one topic for an extended period is more difficult than earlier generations. They simply have got lots of other things to think about!

Young people also communicate quite differently. Have you noticed the limited facial expressions? Sometimes it is difficult to read their mood given there is often ‘one face for all emotions’. Their sentences are also much shorter, sharp and to the point.

Why? Technology, pure and simple. Because the majority of their communication is conducted through texts, Instagram, snap chat, etc., they have learned the art of saying a lot in a few words. For example, if they don’t like something they will use just two words, the last word being “it”, “you”, or “off”.

I was fascinated to learn that this group often only hear the first 8 to 10 words of your sentence then only selected words thereafter. Since reading this research over a year ago, I have been trying to debunk it – so far I have had no success.

The problem with this type of communication is that it is far too short to allow the natural healing processes of socialisation to occur. They are fighting thousands of years of talking with others for extended periods which is beneficial for the emotional brain. Altruism, spirituality, and mindfulness are all part of socialisation which we all need in order to stay well. Perhaps that is why suicide is so prevalent among this age group.

They have wonderful ideas, have access to more information than any other generation, are sensitive and caring, are environmentally aware, want to save the planet, and have wonderful problem-solving abilities. They just don’t want to tell you about it.  

It is important for those outside of this group to engage in face-to-face dialogue with them. Just do so in short sentences.

Should We Stop Worrying?

Some say that worry is wasted energy, and for most occasions it probably is just that, a waste of time.

However, don't dismiss worry altogether, simply choose what you worry about. Research tells us that around 50% of worry is hereditary, it comes from our parents. The remainder is you, it is a habit that you have formed. 

For most of us, worry is the brain's way of conducting a risk management process to keep us safe. Our brain is looking ahead at what could go wrong so that we are prepared with contingencies. And that is a good thing, you need this. Your brain will come up with creative solutions to problems you never even thought of.

The problem with worry is that our brain tends to exaggerate the risks, it multiplies the risk and makes everything seem overwhelming. That is when worry becomes troublesome.

Have you ever found yourself worrying about one thing and your brain suddenly launches another thing into your mind for you to worry about? It's simply trying to help. Yeah right! 

If you are someone who worries too much and it has become a nuisance to you, there are two techniques that I have found work to stop me from worrying;

1.    Wear an elastic/rubber band on your wrist and flick it each time you catch yourself worrying. The pain sent to your brain disrupts your thought patterns.

2.    Blink your eyes and say either "Stop" or "No", inside your head. This also works to top your brain from over-thinking at night when you go to bed.

Remember it can take between 60 to 80 days to break a habit, not 21 days.

Finally, if you are a 'worrier', stop worrying about things outside of your control and concentrate on things that you can control. 

Three Things To Lift Your Mood

In today’s fast world, we are sometimes overwhelmed with how 'busy' life can be. Life IS getting faster, the world IS becoming smaller, everything IS instant. Taking time out alone for an hour is a way that will allow you to shut the world out, to think about things, to put issues into perspective and to slow your brain down.

For some of us, we are simply too busy to have the time to spend an hour alone in silence. Sad but true. Isn’t it the case that often the things we should be doing at the time we need to do them is when we least want to. This 'busyness' can sometimes leave us feeling drained and our mood can drop. We feel tired and flat.

There are some immediate things that you can do to lift your mood – talking with others, smiling throughout the day and hugging people will give you an energy boost. (Be careful with the last one, oxytocin is a powerful chemical!).

Another option is to do one thing each day that makes you happy. A walk, going to the movies, a sport, whatever you choose must be something that you want to do.

A combination of all of the above will allow you to keep your head (brain) above water so that you can breathe...

If your mood is a bit lower - in other words you are flatter (sadder) - here is something that research tells us will go you a longer lasting boost in just 20 days. The 20/20/20 method.

The first 20 is twenty minutes of continuous exercise - a medium to fast paced walk is all it takes to burn off the accumulation of adrenalin and cortisol in your body. The second 20 is twenty minutes of laughing or smiling – this needn’t be continuous, across the day will do. The third 20 is twenty minutes of looking forward (in your head) to good things coming up, thinking of happy things, recalling a holiday, visualising a place you like to be at or want to visit, or any other thought that makes you feel happy. You cannot do this continuously; although I challenge you to do so.

For those of you who are really busy, I suppose that you could combine smiling with your exercise thus eliminating twenty minutes from the sixty-minute process.

For the fastest results in lifting your mood, you must combine physiology with psychology. Mind and body. We often focus on the body and forget about the mind, the mind being the most critical part of the process.

What I Learned When Conducting Suicide Intervention

You get to know people very quickly when you come together in times of crisis. Pressure situations tend to create a bond between people like no other and you get to learn a lot about the other person in a very short space of time.

Here's what I found in common with those who I conducted suicide intervention with;

·        The person often does not know how they got to where they are at that immediate moment. Reality is long forgotten, every negative thing in their life is as clear as though it happened just yesterday, their emotions are raw and any seemingly innocuous comment can cause an adverse reaction. 

·        The person's mind does not function as would a reasonable person. You cannot reason with them, you cannot tell them to "Snap out of it" nor to "Shake it off", "Harden up", or "Get on with life". They've tried to do that already.

·        Suicide is an emotional event, not a mental illness. They may have a mental illness which has impacted on their emotional brain and it is important not to confuse the two. They are simply in a state of turmoil from which they can see no escape.

·        The 'emotional brain' is what is driving them to take their own life. Often it is something that has occurred within the last 24 to 48 hours that has caused them to take the ultimate step but know that it is a battle that has been raging in their head for some time.

·        These are very brave people. Brave to want to kill themselves and even braver to hang on. Having battled for long periods, their brain is telling them to take their own life as part of the fight or flight response - "Here's a way to stop the pain". That’s what their brain is telling them. 

·        Suicide is not an act of cowardice or a sign of weakness; the opposite is mostly the case. The person believes that they are hurting others, the ones that they love, and so want to stop the hurt of others as well as themselves.

·        Sometimes the person can't do it, they can’t take the ultimate step, there is something that is holding them back. They are not seeking attention; they want to kill themselves but are confused as to what to do. This may then lead to a sense of embarrassment, a loss of face, even feelings of defeat during an intervention. That is why you must be trained to deal with these situations before attempting to help someone no matter how well-meaning your intentions.

·        I am proud of those who kept going, who waited for the negotiator to arrive, who listened to us, and who came away with us to get help.

·        I am also proud of those who work in this difficult area – most of us have a 100% success rate.

·        You can save a person who wants to kill themselves. They can recover. They can go on to bigger and better things. They just need to work through their pain, through their issues, through their emotions.

Do not judge those who have been suicidal, do not unfairly label them, and never blame them. They are some of the bravest people you are ever likely to meet. They have fought a battle with themselves and won.

For those who took the ultimate step, do not speak ill of them for you know not what they have suffered. 

What I Discovered While in the Mire.

In 1999, while not looking after myself, I went down into a deep hole that a lot of us go into from time to time. Unlike most other times, I went deeper than before and found it was much easier to go down further than it was to climb back up.

Replacing: natural sleep with medicated rest; talking with others to talking with myself (inside my head); looking others in the eye with staring at my feet; talking with my wife with avoiding contact; asking for help with going it alone; and identifying that I was unwell and needing help with 'hardening up'.

Where did that get me, at the bottom of a pit, stuck the mire. Not a nice place to be. So what was I thinking;

·         The longer you stay in the mire the deeper, and faster, you sink.

·         Trying to stop the negative thoughts is overwhelmingly difficult, impossible in fact.

·         My brain told me to do the opposite of what I should do to stay well, 'it' became selfish, therefore so did I.

·         A simple automatic process of breathing became the most difficult thing in the world to do and consumed everything.

·         I could function but did not know what I was actually doing, I was an automaton.

·         Every single negative thing that I had done in my life was as real as though it had happened just yesterday.

·         I kept telling myself that this sort of thing only happens to other people and I just needed to work through it. Keep going, it will get better, you got this. 

·         I was stuck and didn't know what to do and felt that life was going to be like this forever. Why couldn’t I just be normal again?

Of course none of this was 'real', it was all inside my head. But you could never have told me that at the time because rational thought had long disappeared. 

If you had told me at the time that I could recover I would have dismissed you immediately. I can’t, you don’t understand.

I, like many others who end up in this situation, are much stronger than we think that we are. We can get through this, we can recover, we are stronger than we ever could imagine. And it is all up to you.

Heaven forbid you should ever find yourself sinking into the abyss, go and get some help or at least tell someone. You can, and will get through this. Just not by yourself. And asking for help makes you stronger and your recovery faster than simply going it alone.

Let’s not talk more about suicide, let’s talk more about what takes us there and how to avoid it!