Am I Stressed?

I am often asked by my audience, "How do you know if you are stressed?" Well, it varies for everyone but there are some generalisations that can be made. Know that if you are feeling stressed then you may need to get some professional help, sooner rather than later.

What is stress? There is a saying 'If you think that you are stressed, you are'. And for most of us that is very true. Stress comes from your internal reaction to continued external pressure. When you become overwhelmed, there is a reaction in your body stemming from your fight or flight response whereby there are physical, mental and emotional changes. The emotional ones are the ones you need to control.

I was once diagnosed with accumulated stress disorder, continually thinking that I was stressed. I even used to say "I am so stressed", a lot. I wasn't stressed. I was under pressure and suffered burn out which lead to dark thoughts and suffering inside my head.

Many other situations can set off the same response - buying a home, a difficult boss, divorce, separation, traffic jams, the fear of something, etc. That is, if you let your thoughts wander down that 'stress' road. 

What are the symptoms of being stressed? There are over 50 of them and include diarrhoea, headaches, constant anxiousness and agitation, quick to react negatively, inability to sleep or to quiet your mind, aches and pains aligned with the spine, etc.

A common misconception is that shingles is a sign of stress. Shingles is a virus that lies dormant in the nervous system after the onset of chickenpox and usually occurs when you are run down or your immunity is low.  

So how do you stop yourself from getting stressed? There are several things that you can do that will ensure that you manage pressure so that is doesn't lead to stress? The three best things that you can do for yourself are;

·       Sleep – 7 to 8 hours is the recommended dose, unaided of course.

·       Exercise – 30-minute medium to fast paced walk every day.

·       Socialisation – Get out and talk to people, in person.

Other things that can also help include;

·       Managing your workload.

·       Resting for 10 minutes every 50 minutes.

·       Eating well – carbos for breakfast and protein every other meal.

·       Avoid sugars and processed food.

·       Control your thoughts, avoid thinking negatively.

What Is The Right Choice?

'Good things come to those who wait', or is it 'Make hay while the sun shines'? Or maybe 'Patience is a virtue', or Good things come to those who wait'. Sayings like this aren't much help when you are pondering a difficult decision.

Most often, you find the correct saying after the event and blame yourself for not following that advice.

When pondering a difficult decision, there are two options to use that work for most people. The first is to write it down. Those who follow me will know that writing something down engages the logic side of your brain, the left side, whereas creativity and worry is on the right side.

Additionally, when we write something down it lodges the thought into our subconscious which keeps working on our problem when we aren't. If you want to, you can also write the pros and cons of the two choices which will increase your logic thought process. If you don't arrive at an answer, forget it, the correct answer will come to you either while you are in the shower or in our creative period, 3 a.m. (That’s one of the reasons why you wake at 3 a.m. by the way).

The second option you have when making choices is to go with gut instinct. This sounds like a weird thing to do but most often it is more accurate than logic if you can get it to work for you. Gut instinct isn't actually your gut, it is a part of your brain that is unaffected by communication (words) and emotion (feelings).

So how do you use it? When we are struggling with a decision there is often two choices to make, one is in the forefront of our mind and appears to be the right thing to do whereas the other sits at the back of our mind niggling at us. It's this one, the niggly one. 

Gut instinct is something that has developed over time. It is innate in us all. Finding it and trusting it is the key to making the right decision. The best saying to follow when struggling to make the right decision is ‘If it feels right, it is’.

I try to follow a simple rule – say what is in your heart and go with your gut. Know that it is actually your head, just not the stupid bit of it.

More Sleep Stuff

Sleep, the one thing that is so important for our wellbeing. Here's a few quick facts that may help you to understand the circadian rhythm and why it is so important to try and maintain regular patterns.

Your body works on a time clock - when it gets light we wake up, when it gets dark we go to sleep. Or so it is supposed to work that way. But your other organs also work on a time clock - your heart, your liver, kidney, stomach, etc. All must have a regular pattern. If you eat at a different time of the day you will change the circadian rhythm.

You should fall asleep within 30 minutes of going to bed. If you don't, it's not the right time for your rhythm. Go to bed 15 minutes later than normal for the first week, then another 15 minutes later the next week until you fall asleep within 30 minutes. That is the start of your sleep cycle. To move it back to the hour that you want to go to sleep, reverse the process.

Here are some more basic rules, courtesy of the latest research;

·       Stick as close as you can to regular patterns. (Shift workers, this is difficult I know)

·       Workout in the morning to boost your serotonin levels – they help you sleep at night.

·       Do most of your thinking at work around mid-morning.

·       Only eat during the day at regular times.

·       Your cave where you sleep needs to be cold and dark, really dark.

Sorry, It Slipped My Mind

While researching for a new program I am developing, I came across some interesting facts and figures that I hope you also find helpful. Or at the very least might explain why we all forget things so quickly.

·        For better memory retention we have to be really interested in the topic. In a coaching session, attention spans vary from 2 to 10 minutes maximum. Therefore, coaches and trainers must vary what they say and do at least every 10 minutes.

·        Engaging the amygdala, the emotional response part of our brain, will greatly boost memory. Playing music, smelling favourable smells, or having a visual stimulus engages the amygdala.

·        To better recall that memory, you need to have the same stimuli involved that you had when you were learning. (Children may indeed learn more with music playing softly in the background but they must have that same music playing to recall the facts, music isn’t allowed come exam time.)

·        The brain cannot multi-task, sorry ladies. What it can do though, and women are definitely better at it than men, is have three things present in the mind which makes us think that we can multi-task. In fact, all of us can only truly focus on one thing at one time.

·        Most people forget 90 per cent of what they learn in a classroom within 30 days. The majority of information is lost within the first few hours. (Now I don't feel so bad, I thought I was just stupid.) To retain information, you must go back over it a few times in the following hours and days.

·        A typical brain can hold seven new pieces of information for about 30 seconds. If it is not accessed or used in some way within that 30 seconds, it will be lost.

·         At first, a memory remains flexible and subject to changing. Hence, if you have a bad experience you should seek help to allow you to change the memory - or reframe it. (Emergency personnel use black humour to do this.)

·        Your brain will change information and insert false information to organise your memory into patterns. Essentially, it makes things up or adds information from somewhere else if the pattern doesn't work adequately for your brain to assimilate.

·        Long-term memory is held in the hippocampus - our hard drive - for about 11 years and then it goes to another part of the brain. (I thought it fell out onto my pillow when I slept.)

Why is all of this important for me, apart from explaining why I can never find something when I don't put it where it should be, to genuinely learn there needs to be stimulation, early use of the new information and continuous reinforcement.

Pride Versus Vanity

Pondering, as you do when you are about to go to the dentist for root canal surgery, on the difference between pride and vanity when it comes to our physical appearance. Are they different and are they acceptable.

Most of us like to look great, don't we? And most of us try to stay fit and healthy. When we are going to a wedding, funeral or formal event we like to look our best. Societal expectations, right or wrong, are that we should dress for the occasion. Shorts and singlet will not suffice at formal events no matter where they are held.

The appearance that I am pondering more on is our physical appearance. No matter what we may look like physically, there are usually parts of us that we might like to change if we had the opportunity to do so. Just to make us look that little bit better.

Perhaps a haircut, nails polished, teeth whitened, a wrinkle or two removed, maybe a bit of surgery to remove unwanted fat deposits around the waistline. Is that pride or is it vanity? In my humble opinion, it is pride. Pride is what we feel about ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I am certain that the majority of us are comfortable with the way that we look. But doesn't it make us feel much better when we do something to enhance our appearance? We look better, feel better, and because of that our mood lifts and we behave better. It is good for our wellbeing.

So, it is okay to take pride in your appearance. Vanity on the other hand is when we obsess about our appearance so much so that it overwhelms us and takes control of our life. You strive to change everything about your looks for the benefit of others.

Is vanity wrong? Again in my humble opinion, no it isn't. Why you might ask. Because each of us is different. What I want, need and feel is probably different to what you want, need and feel. Who are we to judge others simply because we disagree with another's wants, needs, and feelings.  

Be proud of who you are and what you look like. If you wish to, do some things that enhance your appearance that will make you feel great and help you to look at your best. If you want to keep going, do so provided it makes you feel better. Don't let others judge you for doing so, we are all different.