What Is The Right Choice?

'Good things come to those who wait', or is it 'Make hay while the sun shines'? Or maybe 'Patience is a virtue', or Good things come to those who wait'. Sayings like this aren't much help when you are pondering a difficult decision.

Most often, you find the correct saying after the event and blame yourself for not following that advice.

When pondering a difficult decision, there are two options to use that work for most people. The first is to write it down. Those who follow me will know that writing something down engages the logic side of your brain, the left side, whereas creativity and worry is on the right side.

Additionally, when we write something down it lodges the thought into our subconscious which keeps working on our problem when we aren't. If you want to, you can also write the pros and cons of the two choices which will increase your logic thought process. If you don't arrive at an answer, forget it, the correct answer will come to you either while you are in the shower or in our creative period, 3 a.m. (That’s one of the reasons why you wake at 3 a.m. by the way).

The second option you have when making choices is to go with gut instinct. This sounds like a weird thing to do but most often it is more accurate than logic if you can get it to work for you. Gut instinct isn't actually your gut, it is a part of your brain that is unaffected by communication (words) and emotion (feelings).

So how do you use it? When we are struggling with a decision there is often two choices to make, one is in the forefront of our mind and appears to be the right thing to do whereas the other sits at the back of our mind niggling at us. It's this one, the niggly one. 

Gut instinct is something that has developed over time. It is innate in us all. Finding it and trusting it is the key to making the right decision. The best saying to follow when struggling to make the right decision is ‘If it feels right, it is’.

I try to follow a simple rule – say what is in your heart and go with your gut. Know that it is actually your head, just not the stupid bit of it.

More Sleep Stuff

Sleep, the one thing that is so important for our wellbeing. Here's a few quick facts that may help you to understand the circadian rhythm and why it is so important to try and maintain regular patterns.

Your body works on a time clock - when it gets light we wake up, when it gets dark we go to sleep. Or so it is supposed to work that way. But your other organs also work on a time clock - your heart, your liver, kidney, stomach, etc. All must have a regular pattern. If you eat at a different time of the day you will change the circadian rhythm.

You should fall asleep within 30 minutes of going to bed. If you don't, it's not the right time for your rhythm. Go to bed 15 minutes later than normal for the first week, then another 15 minutes later the next week until you fall asleep within 30 minutes. That is the start of your sleep cycle. To move it back to the hour that you want to go to sleep, reverse the process.

Here are some more basic rules, courtesy of the latest research;

·       Stick as close as you can to regular patterns. (Shift workers, this is difficult I know)

·       Workout in the morning to boost your serotonin levels – they help you sleep at night.

·       Do most of your thinking at work around mid-morning.

·       Only eat during the day at regular times.

·       Your cave where you sleep needs to be cold and dark, really dark.

Sorry, It Slipped My Mind

While researching for a new program I am developing, I came across some interesting facts and figures that I hope you also find helpful. Or at the very least might explain why we all forget things so quickly.

·        For better memory retention we have to be really interested in the topic. In a coaching session, attention spans vary from 2 to 10 minutes maximum. Therefore, coaches and trainers must vary what they say and do at least every 10 minutes.

·        Engaging the amygdala, the emotional response part of our brain, will greatly boost memory. Playing music, smelling favourable smells, or having a visual stimulus engages the amygdala.

·        To better recall that memory, you need to have the same stimuli involved that you had when you were learning. (Children may indeed learn more with music playing softly in the background but they must have that same music playing to recall the facts, music isn’t allowed come exam time.)

·        The brain cannot multi-task, sorry ladies. What it can do though, and women are definitely better at it than men, is have three things present in the mind which makes us think that we can multi-task. In fact, all of us can only truly focus on one thing at one time.

·        Most people forget 90 per cent of what they learn in a classroom within 30 days. The majority of information is lost within the first few hours. (Now I don't feel so bad, I thought I was just stupid.) To retain information, you must go back over it a few times in the following hours and days.

·        A typical brain can hold seven new pieces of information for about 30 seconds. If it is not accessed or used in some way within that 30 seconds, it will be lost.

·         At first, a memory remains flexible and subject to changing. Hence, if you have a bad experience you should seek help to allow you to change the memory - or reframe it. (Emergency personnel use black humour to do this.)

·        Your brain will change information and insert false information to organise your memory into patterns. Essentially, it makes things up or adds information from somewhere else if the pattern doesn't work adequately for your brain to assimilate.

·        Long-term memory is held in the hippocampus - our hard drive - for about 11 years and then it goes to another part of the brain. (I thought it fell out onto my pillow when I slept.)

Why is all of this important for me, apart from explaining why I can never find something when I don't put it where it should be, to genuinely learn there needs to be stimulation, early use of the new information and continuous reinforcement.

Pride Versus Vanity

Pondering, as you do when you are about to go to the dentist for root canal surgery, on the difference between pride and vanity when it comes to our physical appearance. Are they different and are they acceptable.

Most of us like to look great, don't we? And most of us try to stay fit and healthy. When we are going to a wedding, funeral or formal event we like to look our best. Societal expectations, right or wrong, are that we should dress for the occasion. Shorts and singlet will not suffice at formal events no matter where they are held.

The appearance that I am pondering more on is our physical appearance. No matter what we may look like physically, there are usually parts of us that we might like to change if we had the opportunity to do so. Just to make us look that little bit better.

Perhaps a haircut, nails polished, teeth whitened, a wrinkle or two removed, maybe a bit of surgery to remove unwanted fat deposits around the waistline. Is that pride or is it vanity? In my humble opinion, it is pride. Pride is what we feel about ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I am certain that the majority of us are comfortable with the way that we look. But doesn't it make us feel much better when we do something to enhance our appearance? We look better, feel better, and because of that our mood lifts and we behave better. It is good for our wellbeing.

So, it is okay to take pride in your appearance. Vanity on the other hand is when we obsess about our appearance so much so that it overwhelms us and takes control of our life. You strive to change everything about your looks for the benefit of others.

Is vanity wrong? Again in my humble opinion, no it isn't. Why you might ask. Because each of us is different. What I want, need and feel is probably different to what you want, need and feel. Who are we to judge others simply because we disagree with another's wants, needs, and feelings.  

Be proud of who you are and what you look like. If you wish to, do some things that enhance your appearance that will make you feel great and help you to look at your best. If you want to keep going, do so provided it makes you feel better. Don't let others judge you for doing so, we are all different.

What I learned From My Father

The last in this series of 'What I Learned', here is what I learned from my father. He was a man of few words and raised us how he thought would give us the greatest opportunity in life;

·       "Finish your homework before going out to play" - It is important to get your priorities right. Do the things that you have to do before relaxing, that way you are prepared for the next day and you will be more relaxed.

·       “I told you to help your mother” – Helping others should always be a high priority. Altruism is a reward in itself.

·       “Stop mucking about and get it done” – Procrastination plays on your mind, if you start something make sure that you finish it, and importantly don’t waste your energy on worry or other frivolous things.

·       “Be home by dark” – Timeframes help us set boundaries but timeframes should also be flexible so that you don’t place yourself under pressure.

·       “I told you not to do that and you ignored me” – Often we ignore advice from others because we think that we know best. If you did what you did for the right reasons, then no one has the right to judge you for doing it your own way.

·       “I have to punish you for this” – Every action in life has a consequence, if you get it wrong then there will always be repercussions.  

·       “This is going to hurt me more than it is you” – We sometimes have to hurt the ones that we love for their benefit. If you do have to hurt someone, explaining why will help them to understand and will lessen your pain. Communication is one of life’s most important needs.

·        “Why do you keep doing dumb things?” – Mistakes are made so that we can learn. Sometimes we keep making the same mistakes, that’s because we haven’t learned the lesson, yet.

·       “If you don’t know what you want to do in life, always get a trade first” – When making a plan always have a fall-back strategy, an exit strategy, a way to modify your original plan. Life is built on a solid foundation.  

·       “As long as you did your best I will always be proud of you” – No one can ask anything more of you than giving it your best, ensure that you always do so and you will be rewarded accordingly.

One thing my father never told me was that he loved me. I know that he did, but because he was never told that himself when he was a child then he didn’t know that it had to be said.

Tell your children that you love them, sometimes things do need to be said.