Lonely or Alone!

I was recently asked by my wife whether I ever feel lonely when I travel.

I am so fortunate to be able to travel and have work, so I never take it for granted.

My reply - “I’m always alone, but I’m never lonely.”

What I meant was that when I’m travelling, my days are full. There’s always something to do, somewhere to be, someone to engage with.

My busy brain tends to keep me occupied.

But there are times when that changes.

Late at night, lying in a hotel room, trying to get to sleep.

Or on a Sunday evening, travelling while the rest of the world seems to be settling back at home.

That’s when I can feel both alone and lonely.

Not isolated, not disconnected from people, just aware of the absence of real connection in that moment.

I think that’s something many of us experience. Even those with full lives, strong relationships and busy minds like me.

It is possible to be surrounded by people, engaged in meaningful work and still carry a sense of loneliness.

Especially when you’re good at coping, especially when you’re used to being fine.

Finding connection in those moments isn’t easy.

Not because we don’t want it, but because we don’t want to bother others.

So instead, we stay busy, we stay capable, we stay fine.

If any of this feels familiar, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

Often, it just means you’ve learned how to manage, even when part of you would benefit from connection.

Sometimes the most important thing isn’t solving the feeling, it’s simply acknowledging it.

I am lucky to have others to feel disconnected from.

I am not lonely; I am just alone.

Let’s talk!

Managing The Increasing Event-Stress

For many I speak with, it feels like the world is coming apart. Floods, fires, political turmoil, wars.

There’s constant division, outrage and tragedy.

A question many of us are holding - Is everything actually getting worse, or does it just feel that way?

Some global risks are increasing. It’s undeniable.

But what’s also increased even more is our exposure to what is happening.

We were never meant to carry the emotional weight of the entire planet, in real time, every day.

Our brains evolved for localised threats.

Now we’re absorbing global suffering before breakfast.

To add to this, we have a brain wired to focus on danger, algorithms that reward fear, and 24/7 access to everything, everywhere.

It starts to feel like an onslaught. So how do we stay informed without losing ourselves?

Not by switching off, not by endlessly scrolling, but by being deliberate:
🧠 Choose when you consume the news
🧠 Let go of what you cannot influence
🧠 Anchor locally, control things close to home
🧠 Balance exposure with regulation of emotions through movement, nature, breath, and connection
🧠 Remember that history looks chaotic when you’re living it

Control doesn’t come from worrying or trying to stop the storms.

It comes from learning how to stay steady and choosing to show up and control what we can control.

We can 'work at worrying or work on what is worrying us', our brain is going to work regardless of which one we choose to do.

Let’s talk!

We Must Feel & Express Our Emotions

Powering through, toughening up, putting on your professional mask, and pretending that you are fine.

How often do you spend time trying not to feel things?

The reality is that feeling and expressing emotion is one of our greatest strengths, and bottling emotions up inside is bad for us.

Every time we swallow a feeling, our body stores it somewhere - the chest, the gut, the shoulders.

Unfelt emotions accumulate. That’s where burnout, anxiety, and the 'I don’t feel like myself anymore' feelings can sneak in.

Letting emotions move is how our nervous system resets itself. It’s not weak.

Feeling our emotions actually makes us more creative, not less so.

Think about the last time your creative juices flowed. Were you freely able to be yourself, or were you holding an emotion back?

Creativity does not come from a blank mind; it comes from being connected to ourself, our experiences, our curiosity, and even our frustrations.

When we allow emotions to flow, ideas spark, and solutions appear.

If we want to innovate, we’ve got to feel.

So how do we start to express ourselves at work without oversharing?

It's easier than you might think. A simple, 'That was a tough meeting' or 'I was afraid of where that might lead us' can change the whole dynamic.

Here are a few examples:
✔️ Name what you feel (briefly) - “I’m feeling a bit stretched today", or “I’m excited about this.”
✔️ Pair the emotion with purpose - "I’m frustrated because I want us to get this right.”
✔️ Use inclusive language - "Did you feel, Did you notice, or Are you experiencing..."

Start small; these small moments of authenticity build trust over time.

We weren’t designed to be emotionless creatures; we were designed to be deeply feeling and deeply connected to each other.

When we allow ourselves to truly feel, we find clarity, creativity, connection, confidence, and maybe ironically, strength.

Not the brittle kind that cracks, the resilient kind that bends, adapts, and grows. Adaptable.

Be human again, it’s what we’re built for.

Let's talk!

We Feel The Pain Of Loss

Mt Maunganui.

A place of beauty, meaning, and connection for so many.

Today, the maunga carries a scar, a visible reminder of the fragility of our whenua.

That scar also speaks to something deeper.

The fragility of life.

Most of us feel the pain and loss of the families involved.

We grieve with them. We hold space for them.

The response teams have worked, and continue to work, tirelessly - with care, professionalism and heart - to return those lost to their loved ones.

This afternoon, I spent time running workshops with leaders from Tauranga City Council.

They are hurting too. Hurting for the lives lost. Hurting for the families.

Hurting as they see the strain and exhaustion in their people.

And yes, hurting from the extreme rhetoric being directed at Council.

The reality is this: people who work in councils care deeply.

They have big hearts.

They show up every day to serve their communities.

When a small sector of the community redirects their pain and anger toward Council, it is unwanted, unnecessary, and it causes harm.

Before posting, please pause.

You might be hurting too.

And while it helps explain behaviour, we must remember, hurt people may hurt people. But that doesn’t make it right.

Let compassion lead.

The photo is a view of the mountain from the council meal room, a daily reminder of the pain felt by many.

Want To live Longer, Do Difficult Things!

Want to Live Longer? Do Hard Things.

Most of us think that living longer is about eating well, exercising regularly, and having good genes.

Those matter, but there’s something else we can do.

We recently published a post on the importance of getting out of bed when we don’t really want to. It’s those things we don’t want to do that are counterintuitively good for us.

I recently listened to Dr. Andrew Huberman from Stanford University, and what he shared made sense.

Doing hard things, especially things you don’t enjoy but that are good for you, rewires our brains for resilience and longevity.

How does that work? Here’s the neuroscience:
🧠 Deep inside our brain is the anterior midcingulate cortex (aMCC) – the “mental gym” for motivation and persistence.
🧠 Every time you push through something difficult, you strengthen this region.
🧠 Why does that matter? Because the aMCC is critical for maintaining cognitive function as we age.
🧠 The data also suggests this practice may even help us live longer.

Huberman’s advice: do one hard thing every day that benefits you, even if you don’t want to do it.

It could be a workout, making that tough phone call, or tackling a challenging project.

Each time you do, you’re not just building discipline; you are building a stronger, younger brain.

Here’s something else I found fascinating: neurosurgeons have physically stimulated the aMCC during brain surgery to better understand motivation.

When they apply a tiny electrical current, patients often feel a sudden surge of determination, an urge to act.

This shows the aMCC isn’t just theory, it acts as a ‘switch’ for drive and resilience.

In clinical settings, stimulating this area helps treat things like chronic pain and addiction.

So, when you choose to do something hard, you’re giving your brain the same kind of workout neurosurgeons use to boost motivation.

Think about that: every hard thing you do today is an investment in your future self.

What is one hard thing you’ll do today?

Let’s talk!