Have you ever lay in bed in the early hours of the morning replaying the number of times that you failed at something? Your brain becomes a highlight reel of every awkward moment, failure, or thing you wish you’d done differently.
It is very common, and I call it - shoulda, coulda, gonna, wanna.
I should have done this...
I could have done that...
I’m going to do this...
I want to do that...
Whenever our brain decides that we haven’t done as well as ‘it’ thinks we should have, it will replay what happened as a way of improving for next time.
More lately, for me, these negative thoughts have dived into darker thoughts. I have a strong inner critic.
Dark thoughts can be distressing and can include feelings of hopelessness, sadness, or anxiety.
These thoughts may feel overwhelming thus making it difficult to focus on the positive aspects of what occurred.
It is important to remember that experiencing negative or dark thoughts doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. It is our brain’s way of keeping us safe.
Seeking support from trained professionals is very helpful in managing and overcoming them.
Cognitive reframing is an option you might try if you cannot get immediate professional help.
Cognitive reframing involves identifying negative thought patterns and consciously replacing them with more balanced and constructive perspectives. This process can help rewire the brain to think more positively.
1. Thought Records – Keep a journal and write down your negative thoughts, the situations that triggered them, and the emotions you felt. Then, challenge these thoughts by looking for evidence that supports or contradicts them.
2. Positive Reframing – Find a positive angle in a negative situation. For example, if you make a mistake at work, instead of thinking "I'm a failure," reframe it as "This is an opportunity to improve my skills".
3. Perspective-Taking – Imagine how someone else might view the same situation. This can help you see things more objectively and reduce the emotional impact.
4. De-catastrophising – When you find yourself thinking about the worst-case scenario, ask yourself how likely it is to happen and what you would do if it did.
5. Reattribution – Instead of blaming yourself entirely for a negative outcome, consider other factors that may have contributed.
Neuroscience shows that we can retrain our brain from the original hard wiring of our stem. Methods that we were gifted in early times to keep us safe like worry, overthinking and catastrophising.
Know that if you are having shoulda, coulda, gonna, wanna thoughts - you are not strange, you are not crazy, and you are not alone.
We are all unique, yet none of us are different.
Let’s talk!
I meet very few people who say they have a balanced life and wouldn't change a thing.
For most, there is an ongoing struggle between work and home where one seems to overpower the other. A lot of this struggle has to do with the unfair demands that we place on ourselves.
Who are we trying to keep up with, and is it worth it?
When you look at it all laid out in a graphic like this, it’s no wonder we feel stretched. Perhaps the real challenge isn’t just the juggling act, but the quiet pressure we put on ourselves to carry it all. The expectations we carry (many of them self-imposed) don’t leave much room to just be.
Maybe it’s less about doing more, and more about being honest with what’s truly sustainable?
Let’s talk!
Anxiety is a Worry!
A selfish post about my third book – Anxiety is a Worry
Anxiety can feel like a storm raging inside, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
It's that constant knot in our stomach, the racing thoughts that won't let us rest with the fear of the unknown that keeps us on edge.
Anxiety is waking up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, unable to catch our breath. It's the weight on our chest that makes it hard to move, to think, to breathe!
Amid the chaos, it’s worth remembering: we’re not alone. So many others are fighting the same battles, even when it feels like we’re the only one.
They say that it's okay to feel this way.
That it's okay to ask for help.
That it's okay to take a step back and breathe.
There are moments of light, of peace, of strength. Remember those moments, you can if you try.
Anxiety impacts in several ways:
❤️🩹 Physical Symptoms – There can be a constant feeling of restlessness or being, on edge and sometimes even muscle tension or headaches.
❤️🩹Mental Strain: Our mind is in overdrive, constantly worrying about the future or replaying past events.
❤️🩹Emotional Turmoil: We feel a range of intense emotions, from fear and dread to irritability and frustration. There might be moments of overwhelming sadness.
❤️🩹Social Impact: Socialising can be daunting, worrying excessively about what others think of you or fear of judgment and rejection.
❤️🩹Daily Challenges: Simple tasks can feel monumental. Getting out of bed, showering, going to school or work all seem too much.
❤️🩹Sleep Disturbances: We have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restless nights filled with vivid dreams or nightmares.
You will get through this; you can overcome this and there are many ways of doing so.
The first step is seeking professional help. Then, it is a matter of finding what works for you through trial, after trial, after trial.
We are all stronger than we think we are - if we learn to silence the chatter and calm our minds.
Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one breath at a time. It all adds up.
Let’s talk!
Bring Certainty to an Uncertain World.
Life feels overwhelming for many of us currently, myself included. There is so much uncertainty which plays on our minds. Our brain prefers certainty and it’s currently not there.
Money is the biggest worry for most people, there is never enough. Housing, education, our health and well-being, safety and the environment. All are big topics that also consume our thoughts.
I often talk about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how important it is to focus on the basics to bring certainty to our life – food, water, shelter, air and sleep.
Focusing on these essentials will bring certainty and ground us. What if this is not enough to reduce our worry?
In our fast-paced and often unpredictable world, finding other ways to bring certainty and reduce worry can be incredibly valuable.
Here are a few strategies that might help:
1. Establish routines – Having a daily routine can provide a sense of stability and predictability through structure.
2. Stay informed, but limit news consumption – Being informed about our world is essential, but too much, especially negative news, can increase worry. Find a balance that keeps you informed without overwhelming you.
3. Practice mindfulness – Breathing practices can help you stay in the present moment and reduce anxiety about the future. Breathing in & out at 6-second intervals for 2 minutes is enough.
4. Set realistic goals – Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. This makes tasks feel less daunting and provides a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step.
5. Build a support network – Surround yourself with supportive friends and/or family. Talking about our worries with someone we trust can provide relief and perspective.
6. Focus on what you can control – Many things in life are beyond our control, focusing on what we can control and taking proactive steps in those areas can reduce feelings of helplessness.
7. Engage in physical activity – Regular exercise can reduce stress and improve your mood. It doesn't have to be intense; even a daily walk can be beneficial.
Remember, it's okay to feel worried sometimes, but taking small proactive steps to manage that worry will help you feel more in control through certainty.
Let's talk!
I Can't Sleep!
For years, I was the worst sleeper. If I got four hours, I was ecstatic. I tried everything - reading countless books, testing every trick, and tweaking my routine over and over.
Eventually, I figured out what makes the biggest difference.
Three factors have a significant impact on sleep – time, temperature, and light. The cave where you sleep needs to be dark and cold and you need to go to bed at the same time each night. These tips won't work for everyone, but here are the basics of what works for the majority;
👉 Exercise every day – a 30-minute walk is the recommended minimum; at the end of the day is great for sleep as it helps us burn off the built-up stress from the day
👉 Coffee: Try to stick to just two cups per day and never after 3 pm.
👉 Don’t use a smartphone or tablet within 1 hour of bedtime.
👉 Have a hot shower one hour before bed - as the brain cools, it sends a signal that it is night-time.
👉 Have dinner at least four hours before bedtime and don’t eat too much.
👉 Have a small piece of protein right at bedtime to help stop you from waking at 3 am.
👉 Try to go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each day – this forms a sleep pattern.
👉 Think about one thing and one thing only. Concentrate on that one thing – a happy place, an inanimate object, something that stops other thoughts coming into your head.
👉 Easy to say but hard to do - relax in knowing that you will get to sleep eventually and that you won’t be as tired the following day as you think you might be.
👉 Try to stick to the same pattern every night. Any changes to your pattern will influence your brain and you will have to restart the pattern.
Lastly, it takes a while for your body and brain to adapt to change so don't do something different every night - it is the smallest changes done consistently that make the biggest difference.
If you are someone who really struggles with sleep and needs a few more tips to try, we have constructed a document that you may find helpful.
Head to our website, scroll down and hit the sleep tips button and we'll send you back our sleep tips document, free of charge, no catches.