Have you ever lay in bed in the early hours of the morning replaying the number of times that you failed at something? Your brain becomes a highlight reel of every awkward moment, failure, or thing you wish you’d done differently.
It is very common, and I call it - shoulda, coulda, gonna, wanna.
I should have done this...
I could have done that...
I’m going to do this...
I want to do that...
Whenever our brain decides that we haven’t done as well as ‘it’ thinks we should have, it will replay what happened as a way of improving for next time.
More lately, for me, these negative thoughts have dived into darker thoughts. I have a strong inner critic.
Dark thoughts can be distressing and can include feelings of hopelessness, sadness, or anxiety.
These thoughts may feel overwhelming thus making it difficult to focus on the positive aspects of what occurred.
It is important to remember that experiencing negative or dark thoughts doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. It is our brain’s way of keeping us safe.
Seeking support from trained professionals is very helpful in managing and overcoming them.
Cognitive reframing is an option you might try if you cannot get immediate professional help.
Cognitive reframing involves identifying negative thought patterns and consciously replacing them with more balanced and constructive perspectives. This process can help rewire the brain to think more positively.
1. Thought Records – Keep a journal and write down your negative thoughts, the situations that triggered them, and the emotions you felt. Then, challenge these thoughts by looking for evidence that supports or contradicts them.
2. Positive Reframing – Find a positive angle in a negative situation. For example, if you make a mistake at work, instead of thinking "I'm a failure," reframe it as "This is an opportunity to improve my skills".
3. Perspective-Taking – Imagine how someone else might view the same situation. This can help you see things more objectively and reduce the emotional impact.
4. De-catastrophising – When you find yourself thinking about the worst-case scenario, ask yourself how likely it is to happen and what you would do if it did.
5. Reattribution – Instead of blaming yourself entirely for a negative outcome, consider other factors that may have contributed.
Neuroscience shows that we can retrain our brain from the original hard wiring of our stem. Methods that we were gifted in early times to keep us safe like worry, overthinking and catastrophising.
Know that if you are having shoulda, coulda, gonna, wanna thoughts - you are not strange, you are not crazy, and you are not alone.
We are all unique, yet none of us are different.
Let’s talk!
Dark Thoughts!