Stop Comparing Across The Generations Because We Are Different, Or Are We?

It seems to me that we spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others as a way of defining how well we are doing or how different we are. Comparisons like this cause us stress, angst and unnecessary concerns.

In my work, I am interested in the way generations interact, particularly the Baby Boomers (BBs) and Millennials (Ms).

As a general guide - BBs were born from 1946 to 1964, Ms were born from 1980 to 2000. These dates aren't fixed in time and there will also be variations to these dates depending upon what website you go to. (Just to clarify, Ms are part of Gen-Ys who were born from mid 1970s to 1995, today they are lumped under the same banner).

BBs are sometimes labelled as self-centred - they received a free education, have a lack of community awareness, don't care about the environment, couldn't care less about others, hold grudges for years, and are bullies.

Ms are said to be narcissistic, entitled, uncommunicative, consumerist, privileged, community oriented and environmentally aware.

I have difficulty with these statements, not because they are incorrect or a generalisation, because both generations are the same to a large extent. More importantly, Ms are the children of BBs.

Let's look at the comparisons and why they might actually be the same;

• BBs are self-centred, but isn't that also what a narcissism is? Moreover, BBs want the very best for their family which makes them seem self-centred. MMs simply take a wider view of what the word 'family' means, they include the community as part of their family.
• While BBs did receive free education, who funds Ms education? Often the parents do in one way or another, either directly or through taxes.
• BBs do care about the environment, it is this very generation who run (and fund) major organisations involved in environmental issues. Ms certainly have a better understanding of the environment because they were taught it in schools, by BBs.
• BBs care about their families and work hard to maintain a lifestyle that they never had themselves. Incidentally, BBs created consumerists in Ms by giving them as much as they could.
• Ms aren't as communicative with BBs as with their own generation, but weren't BBs the same? Yes, BBs did talk to their parents more than Ms talk to their parents, but BBs were never honest with their parents and only talked to get them off their backs. Plus, BBs didn't have the technology to talk with others as Ms now do.
• BBs often say that they started with nothing, "I lived on a mattress in an empty rented house and worked my way up to what I have now over 30 years". True, but BBs parents didn't have that, most of them lived in homes supplied by their employer or the state. And you didn't hear BBs parents saying that BBs expectations were too high, did you?

I could go on but I am sure you get the picture. For me, misunderstandings arise across generations when one generation compares themselves to the other. Things are not as they once were and things will always be different moving forward. But for the most part we are all the same.

BBs, stop comparing your generation to Ms because things will always seem different when comparing the past to the present.

Today, the way we talk is different, the method in which we communicate with others is different and the way we live is different. The way BBs spoke to each other is no longer appropriate, we can now communicate across the world in an instant in many different ways, and we now have the ability to live better than we once did.

MMs, you need to talk more with your parents. Sending electronic messages is not talking nor is using two or three word sentences. No-one can read minds.

Let's talk!

So What Are You Waiting For?

Have you found yourself making excuses as to why you shouldn't start your own business. Often, we tell ourselves, if only this was happening right now, if only I had the right skills, if only I didn't have a mortgage, if only I had more money behind me, if only....

We might sometimes look at a successful person and say to ourselves, "I bet they had money when they started out, I bet they didn't have the same worries as me, I bet they were in the right place at the right time. I bet that they were lucky.

Secretly we might be saying to ourselves "I wish I was like them but I could never be!"

You could be like them if you wanted to, seriously. I have read many examples of people just like you and I who started with nothing and now are where they want to be. They had the same negative thoughts as us, the same self-doubt, the same procrastination. But they did it regardless.

Want to know their single secret to success, passion.

They found something that were passionate about and that drove them to succeed. Passion will generate determination and overcome obstacles. Passion will overcome self-doubt. Passion will overcome procrastination.

However, passion may not always overcome negative thinking, and that's a good thing. Negative thinking can work in our favour if we use it wisely to foresee danger or obstacles. Negative thinking in a business sense allows us to manage risk, to find solutions before they arise.

If you have been thinking about starting your own business but have been waiting for the right time, here's a couple of tips;

1. Find something that you are passionate about that is unique - it need not be new, just 'different'.
2. Have a plan - not too technical, cover off the 'what and how'.
3. Forget the 40-hour week - there is no such thing as standard hours in your own business.
4. Make lists - have a spreadsheet of contacts, a list of tasks, a set of goals. These lists remain alive, they change as you move forward.
5. Get familiar with being uncomfortable - always say yes, never say no, work on the edge, push yourself to the extremes, go beyond your previous limits.

Don't wait for the right time, because that never arrives. The right time is now, what are you waiting for?

I'm Sorry!

I'm sorry for the hurt that I have caused, I'm sorry for the bad things I've done, I'm sorry for the pain, the grief, the distrust, and all of the other things that I was responsible for that were wrong.

Without question, all of us have done something that we later regret. A bad word, a hurtful comment, spreading rumours, continuing a stream of gossip, maybe something said in the heat of the moment. Aren't we all guilty of an event that we regret at some point in our lives and now we feel guilty about?

Our 'go to' word when we want to make amends is always sorry.

And for the most part, is is a word we say because we mean it. If we could take back all of the hurt, grief, distrust, and other negative effects that we caused by our actions, we would. But we can't, it's done, there's nothing more that we can do except use a simple word, sorry.

Or is there? What if we could do more than just utter a single word, what if we could use two or three words, maybe even a sentence to show how sorry we are. What if we added the words 'so' and 'causing' and 'I'm' and perhaps those other words to describe what we caused by our ill-considered actions. What if we said "I'm so sorry for all of the pain and hurt I caused you", and added another sentence to show that we really meant it?

In the end, they are all just words, simple words.

And for some of us, words will never be able to make amends for what we have done. Maybe we need to take action, maybe we need to show the ones who we hurt that we really are genuine with the words we now use to apologise and we showed how sorry we were by changing our behaviour. Wouldn't that be something?

There are some things that we would love to say sorry for and to take back or rectify what did or said, but we can't for whatever reason. What then? Well, how about working hard so that others don't make the same mistakes as you by showing them your mistakes? Is that not another way of saying sorry?

Can't do that, then why not do as much good as you can in the world to balance the scales back the other way?

There is always more that we can do than simply saying that we are sorry. Find your way of doing something positive to balance the scales. It will help make amends and possibly avoid the self-loathing trap that guilt and regret brings to us every day for what we did.

Remember that you are only human, you have many flaws, we all do. It's how we deal with those flaws that also makes us human, because we care. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others, be as kind as you can, just be kind.

If none of this resonates or works for you then go back to the top of this post, say sorry. It's a start.

Let's talk!

Leave Me Alone, I Am Happy!

Have you heard these words before, probably from your teenager? Facial expressions have disappeared these days, due in most part to the lack of face-to-face social interaction across all generations. As a result, we do not know if our teenagers are happy.

Before social media arrived, we communicated for the most part, face-to-face. Sure, we had telephones as well to talk with each other, but the majority of our conversations were held in person. While chatting, we watched each others facial expressions and body language and unconsciously mirrored each other throughout the encounter.

These days we don't interact with each other as much as we once did therefore the younger generations are losing the skills that the older generations grew up with, how to interact using facial expressions and body language.

Younger generations do become animated when they are with their friends, not so much when they interact with others outside of their close circle of friends or with older generations.

The smile has now gone from the faces of our children!

Us 'older people' learned the art of smiling and the many benefits that a smile brings to ourselves and to others. This is not the case for the younger ones, (I'm sounding ancient now aren't I?). They do not display expressions of happiness as much as we do. They might be happy, they just don't show it outwardly.

Not only is it hard to tell if our teenage children are happy, they are missing out on the personal benefits a smile brings which may add to their feelings of despondency. When we genuinely smile, we engage unique muscles in the face that tell our brain that we are happy, regardless of whether we are or not.

A genuine smile works in reverse, smile with a broad smile and your brain will 'think' that you are happy.

And as parents, we see our child not smiling and ask with all sincerity "Is everything okay?" "Yes" comes back the retort. "But you're not smiling" we say. "I don't have to smile to be happy" they immediately come back with. And that's the dilemma we are faced with. Our teenage children do have to smile to not only tell us that they are happy but to also get the internal benefits a smile brings.

In my work, I have met young people who actually believe that they are smiling despite the fact that they aren't. And if they work in the customer service industry, not smiling has a negative impact on those they assist.

Try to get angry with someone who is smiling at you as you walk up to a service counter, it's damn hard.

Encourage your teenagers to smile if you can, but don't pester them about it, you will only drive them away from smiling altogether. They won't smile just to bug you. And most importantly, talk with them as much as they will allow you to.

Lastly, don't judge them, try to fix them, or attempt to change them too much. We live under a different set of rules these days, our values are not their values because our values may no longer be relevant. Just talk about 'stuff'.

Let's talk!

EVOLVE Wellness - An Exciting New Venture

I am very proud and privileged to announce an additional venture for WARN International Ltd, we are partnering with Lee-Anne Wann - Lee-Anne Wann - and Paul Walsh - Group Q Security to bring an innovative, informative and enjoyable program to organisations.

EVOLVE Wellness provides you with the important skills necessary to face life’s challenges. Learning how to reduce stress, energise the body, and keeping yourself free of danger are the three essential skills necessary to live a fruitful life in today’s hectic world.

This fun packed, fast paced presentation will keep you on the edge of your seat as we take you on an evolutionary journey with three of New Zealand’s leading experts in their respective fields who have themselves faced many adversities.

Real stories from real people who have real solutions. 

Fuel for the body, an acute awareness of surroundings, and self-control of the mind – these are the key messages of our holistic programme.

EVOLVE Wellness brings together;

LEE-ANNE WANN

Refreshingly different, Lee-Anne Wann is New Zealand’s most trusted health, fitness & nutrition expert.

She runs a health and fitness consultancy company, providing organisations with health and fitness solutions. She also runs a private nutrition practice where she works with many athletes, celebrities, individuals and corporates helping them achieve optimal health, wellness and vitality. Lee-Anne is:

• The New Zealand Vodafone Warriors National Rugby league team nutritionist, looking after over 100 athletes
• A regular columnist for many publications, including the New Zealand Herald
• Proud to be an Ambassador for Men’s Health Trust New Zealand and September supporting the New Zealand Cerebral Palsy Society.

As well as a television host, celebrity trainer and author of three health and fitness books, Lee-Anne is a regular speaker at corporate conferences, company workshops and executive retreats.

Lee-Anne has extensive accreditations in health and fitness. She is constantly updating and refreshing her knowledge to ensure she is up-to-date with the latest ideas and scientific research. Her approach recognises that our lives are complicated and busy.

Lee-Anne is upfront, honest and a straight talker, with a fun-loving, inspirational approach. She inspires people to believe in themselves by focussing on changes that truly make a difference.

PAUL WALSH - QSM

Paul Walsh QSM has a fascinating story to tell. From the elite special tactics group to international security consultancy, he has worked in critical situations all over the world. He has been involved in many high-risk operations – some of them still classified.

• He was part of the team that rescued baby Kahu.
• He helped guard Israeli Olympic athletes as part of a counter-terrorism project.
• He has served alongside the US Secret Service.

From a man-hunt in the Solomon Islands to a helicopter crash in Afghanistan, life has never been dull. One-day safeguarding VIPs in Kabul, 36 hours later providing close protection to Metallica in Argentina.

These experiences have given him a unique view on the value of life around the world, and the need for individuals to be able to manage risk in fast-changing situations.

Today he shares his knowledge with the private and corporate sector, to educate and empower. He teaches an understanding of how risk exists all around us – and how we can manage that risk to achieve successful outcomes.

Paul will thrill you with his life story and NZ case studies, whilst providing valuable insights on keeping safe in an unsafe world.

LANCE BURDETT

Lance was New Zealand’s top police crisis negotiator. He has worked with elite tactical teams within the military, police and corrections, he makes regular media appearances, and recently published his memoir which quickly became a bestseller – Behind The Tape.

Having trained in NZ, Australia and with the FBI, Lance acquired the essential skills to successfully engage with people at the very limit of their emotions. He specialised in suicide intervention and handled many high-risk negotiations, including the Napier Siege and the Paremoremo prison hostage situation involving George Baker.

Lance also worked at the highest level in the police 111 call centre, where his communications and resilience programme became mandatory training for all emergency call centre staff.

Lance is now consulting and coaching on reducing stress-related issues in the workplace, with a focus on communication in challenging situations. His sessions are informative and delivered with humour to ensure an entertaining presentation.

For more information, please visit our website or message us at info@evolvewellness.com.