Sleep, Why Can't I Just Sleep?

We all know that sleep is one of the most important things that you need to survive. Sleep improves memory, increases life span, reduces blood pressure, enhances creativity, the list goes on.

If you do not fall asleep within 30 minutes of going to bed, then your circadian rhythm is out of synch. For shift workers, this will always be out.

Sleep operates on three main factors – time, temperature, and light. The cave where you sleep needs to be dark and cold and you need to go to bed at the same time each night.

It is recommended that you get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. If you want to know how much sleep you need, on your days off note down the amount of sleep you get over 10 or so days and average the figure – that’s how much sleep you need.

I was once the worst sleeper ever. If I had 4 hours sleep a night I was ecstatic. So I read lots and lots and lots of books and tried lots of different things. Here’s what works for most people I know who had trouble sleeping;

·       Exercise every day – a 30-minute walk is the recommended minimum; I try to get to the gym most days.

·       Restrict coffee to two cups per day and never after 3 pm.

·       Don’t use a smart phone or tablet within three hours of bedtime.

·       Have a hot shower one hour before bed.

·       Have dinner at least four hours before bedtime and don’t eat too much.

·       Have a small piece of protein right on bedtime to help stop you waking at 3 am.

·       Try to go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each day – this forms a sleep pattern.

·       Get into bed and stay there – don’t get back up if you can’t sleep because you will wake up again (try getting out of bed if you can’t sleep to reset your brain).

·       Think about one thing and one thing only. Concentrate on that one thing – a happy place, an inanimate object, something that stops other thoughts coming into your head.

·       Relax – know that you will get to sleep eventually and that you won’t be as tired the following day as you think you might be.

Try to stick to the same pattern every night. Any changes to your pattern will influence your brain and you will have to restart the pattern.

If you are someone who really struggles with sleep, I have constructed a document that you may find helpful. Go to WARNInternational.com and I will send it to you.

Happy dreams.

Shut Up!

Silence is a tool to use if you want to deescalate an angry person, increase dialogue with someone who is reluctant to talk, or to send a signal that you are wary of what the other person said. 

Angry People

When someone is yelling at you, let them. As long as the person isn’t swearing at you or throwing things, they are just expressing an emotion and once expressed, the emotion is disarmed.

When people get angry there are three stages – yelling, then swearing, followed by violence (throwing objects or punching). If you try to stop someone from yelling they are more likely to start swearing which makes you more determined to stop them which frustrates the other person even more which leads to even greater frustration which leads to….. You get the picture.

Listen to what the person is saying then once they have finished you will probably have all of the information that you require to know how they feel and how to help them.

If you are on the phone with the person, nothing changes. If the caller asks “Are you there”, come back with “Yes I am and this is helpful information” or “Yes, and I am listening.”   

Increase Dialogue

As humans, we dislike silence when we are with others. Inherently we feel the need to communicate hence the reason our good friend Abraham Maslow identified socialisation as a strong human need.

If the other person is reluctant to talk, use long pauses to encourage them to fill the silence. Maintain eye contact with them during the silence to send a signal that you are there and want to listen to what they have to say.

Liars

If you think that someone is being untruthful, leave a 10 second gap in your conversation and then say “This is an important point that you make, I want to make sure that I have got it correct.” “Can you go over that again for me?” This will signal to them that they are being scrutinised.

Another option after the pause is to paraphrase back to them in your words what they have just told you.

If you believe that they are still lying or that you have information that is different to what they have just told you again, say “I have been told/have it recorded as…” and go over what you think is the truth. This again is a chance for the other person to amend what they have told you.

Silence is a powerful tool, use it wisely and everyone will benefit.

Why Wait!

Have you noticed how our brain tries to trick us into waiting for the right moment? "When I get some money I will give more to charity". "When I have more time I will become a coach". 

Or perhaps you might tell yourself I will just wait until X happens before I start doing Y such as; “I will get fit once Christmas is over”. Or maybe you make excuses like "They can afford to do that, I would do the same if I was in his or her position". 

Procrastination is one thing, making excuses to postpone something is quite different.

Timing is never going to be perfect, ask any winning athlete and they will say that they had a lot of injuries to overcome and weren't as fit as they had hoped but nevertheless they won their competition. They probably surprised themselves.

Instead of waiting, start it now. An idea comes into your head for a reason so act on it. It’s never going to be perfect timing therefore you have to make it so.

Should I Say Sorry?

It is always good to say "sorry" in certain situations, in fact I recommend doing so. In my opinion, the word sorry should only be used in two situations;

1.      When you have made a mistake.

2.     When you have a personal relationship with someone and they tell you about something bad that happened to them.

The downside of using the word sorry is that your brain registers it as something meaningful to you and plays on your mind. I bet that when you have said sorry to someone you would have thought about the situation later in the day. Why, because sorry is such a personal word.

To overcome this dilemma, here are two strategies that you may wish to consider when use of the word sorry.

Mistakes

If you make a mistake, by all means use the word sorry. It is more personal and if said immediately with sincerity it will gain rapport. If someone else has made a mistake, try using the word apologise.

The word apology is more formal and your brain does not register the situation as personal to you therefore you won't think about the situation negatively when reflecting later in the day.

Sad News

If someone tells you sad news, such as they have lost a loved one, and you do not have a close relationship with that person, try to avoid using the word sorry by itself such as "I'm so sorry" or “I’m so sorry to hear that”. Extend your sentence by saying "I'm so sorry for your loss", or "I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you". That way your brain knows that it is not something personal to you.

If you wish to, you can also acknowledge their emotion by saying something like "That must have been/be hard for you", or "How can I make this easier for you", or perhaps "Thanks for sharing that with me". 

If the person is overcome with grief or emotion, start asking short questions that they find easy to answer and will allow them to regain self-control. Ask questions such as "Would you like to take a break", "Would you like to call me back", "What time would you like to call back", or "Is there someone that I can call for you". 

The word sorry is a powerful word and saying sorry is a good thing, but use the word wisely otherwise it becomes meaningless and will negatively impact on you.

Routine Vs Rut

For me, having a daily routine is a good thing as it has many benefits; it gets my day off to a good start, my day is pretty much planned for me, I know what to expect and when to expect it, a routine forms a pattern of behaviour.

Unfortunately, there are down sides to a routine; there is no unpredictability in my day and if the unpredictable does come along I get frustrated at the interference. Additionally, there is no excitement about a routine which can lead to feelings of being stuck in a rut.

I find that I enjoy a pattern of work when I am not travelling – I get up at 6:00, write a post, take a shower, have breakfast, check my emails, make some phone calls, have lunch, attend meetings, make some more calls, check my emails (again), go to the gym, eat dinner, check my emails (yep, again), take a shower, watch a bit of television and go to bed. 

Sometimes it can seem like 'ground hog' day doing the same thing the same way. The way that I have found to gain the benefits of having a routine and introducing unpredictability in my day is to change how I do things. 

So, to keep to a routine yet make each day different I will break the routine by doing whatever pops into my mind at the time of each task. The routine tasks remain in the same order, I simply introduce impulse to each task – I will post on whatever comes to mind when I sit down, I will eat something different at each meal, I never workout the same way across the week, I do something different to break the habitual cycle.

By doing this, when the unpredictable does come along and break my routine I embrace it for what it is, excitement in my day.

If you can't change what you do, change the way that you do it.