Go With Your gut

You have heard it said many times "Go with your gut instinct." And there is truth to this adage. 

The human stomach is sometimes referred to as the second brain, it is the only organ have its own independent nervous system consisting of 100 million neurons embedded in the gut wall. We are born with sterile stomachs but over time, everyone's gut develops a brew of bacterial species. Some of this bacteria produces hundreds of neurochemicals that the brain uses to regulate basic physiological processes as well as mental processes such as learning, memory and mood.

But its not just your gut, it is also the limbic system of your brain which is coming into play. The limbic system is centered deep in the right side of your brain and is unaffected by communication but is where your feelings are also controlled. Both your brain and your gut are linked.  

So here are some ways to use your gut instinct;

1. If it doesn't 'feel' right, then it isn't. Go with your first impressions.
2. Similarly, if it feels right, it is. If you are doing something or have an idea and it just 'feels' right, go with it.
3. If you perceive danger, listen to it. This comes from early times when we sensed danger because there was nothing else to go on.
4. Go with your gut. If you struggling with a decision, what is your gut telling you?
5. If you have a nervous stomach, find out why. To do so start thinking about what has been worrying you over the last day or so, when you come across the thing that is upsetting your stomach, that feeling will become stronger when you think about the cause.

Lastly, never say the first thing that comes into your head when you are emotional because it will always be the wrong thing. Don't follow your head, follow you gut.

What's Your Problem?

Problems, they come in many forms. Some we can solve in our heads while others seem to drag us down. There has been plenty written about how to solve problems, here's what works for me that is a little bit different;

1. Write it down - We must write something down to engage our subconscious brain, that person inside our heads we talk to all of the time . This stems from early days when we painted drawings on the cave wall.
2. Look at the options - If you need to, write down the options and list the pros & cons of each solution. Again this supports our subconscious brain.
3. Concentrate - Really engage your brain by thinking hard about your problem. When we do this we are telling our brain that this problem is important and you need to start working on it.
4. Forget about it - This is the part of the exercise that most people don't tell you about. Several things happen when you take a break - Your brain relaxes, chemicals are released which assists with problem solving, you engage the creative part of your brain, and your subconscious keeps working on the problem while your conscious brain doesn't.
5. Do something else - To make sure that you don't keep using your 'master' brain which will interfere with your subconscious brain, go and mow the lawns, vacuum the house, wash the car, anything to stop your conscious brain from working on the problem.
6. Take a shower - Research tells us that the creative chemical I spoke of earlier is released when we have a shower. It is also the time that most of us relax, that's why we tend to sing in the shower. A lot of problems are also solved in the shower.
7. Go to sleep - If the shower didn't work, go to sleep. Our subconscious keeps working when we are asleep, particularly during REM sleep when our brain 'defrags' the days events.
8. It will come - The answer to your problem will come to you within 24 hours. If it doesn't, and it is rare that it doesn't work, go over the process again.

Happy problem solving!

Why Me?

Yesterday was one of those days when I asked myself, "why me". Why, when I work so hard do things not go right for me? And as quick as that thought came, I dismissed it. You see, it's not about me, you, or anyone else. It just is, and you need to trust that these things happen for a reason.

My day started early with a business meeting scheduled for 7:30 am across the other side of town. Up at 5:30, drove through traffic without having eaten to arrive early. I get a call, the person that I was meeting with had an urgent meeting. No problems, let's reschedule.

I go to my next meeting, wait for half on hour, then go to his office when he doesn't arrive as agreed. They don't know where he is. 0 for 2, I can live with that. Stuff happens.

I go to my third meeting and, you guessed it, another no-show. As I walked back to my car, dressed in a suit and tie with the sun beating down on me making me sweat profusely, I wondered why me, what am I doing wrong? Go and get a real job like everyone else I thought. Then I had another thought, you teach this stuff, take some of your own medicine. Keep going and see what happens.

I went to meet with the person that I was suppose to meet at 7:30 am. It was now 12:30. She was so apologetic that I felt terrible about having that selfish attitude. It wasn't her fault, she was called to a very urgent meeting that both of us had no control over. Her day had been disrupted as has mine.  Our meeting went well and I also got to talk to two other people whom I knew from my previous career. Had the 7:30 am meeting not been postponed I wouldn't have met them.

I got a call from the third person I was to meet. She had placed our appointment in her calendar while overseas where it was two hours behind our country. We chatted, I got some great guidance from her and we will meet next week close to where I live instead of me having to travel across town. Bonus time.

My fourth meeting went well. It was 2:30 pm and I hadn't eaten, there was food here! I met some wonderful people and we finished the meeting with a glass of wine. Bonus again.

Once back home 12 hours after my day started, I was advised that the person I was suppose to meet for the second appointment had been terribly ill. Now I felt really bad. We are now going to meet when he has recovered and I bet that this new meeting will go exceptionally well because I won't be so rushed. Plus he is buying the coffee. Bonus three.

Things do happen to us.  Sometimes they are so bad that I cannot explain why. But when little things happen like that which occurred to me yesterday, just go with the flow and see what happens. You see, it's not about you or me, it just is and you never know what may happen because of it.

Ways To Lose That Sale

If you want to destroy that much needed rapport that you have taken time to build and lose that sale, try some of these:

• Tell the person to "Calm down", "Take a deep breath" or say that you "Understand how they are feeling".
• Start thinking of your next question while the other person is still talking.
• Change the topic because the conversation wasn't going in the direction you wanted it to.
• Interrupt them mid-sentence because you think that you know what they are going to say.
• Finish off their sentences for them.
• Encourage them to talk faster by talking faster yourself. 
• Let your thoughts wander off if the other person talks for longer than 10 seconds.  
• You could try asking a question and then listening just for the answer that you want to hear.
• Or perhaps start talking without really knowing what you are going to say.  
• Maybe you could keep losing eye contact because you are disinterested in what the other person is saying.
• Try doing most of the talking if the other suggestions aren't working.
• Raising your voice or standing up when you want the person to stop and listen to you is a good one.
• Change the tone of your voice to sound arrogant when you know that you are right.  

However, if you want to maintain rapport and make that sale, do the opposite of all the suggestions listed above and also add these:

• Get the other person to talk about themselves first.
• Use their name in the first sentence.  
• A great thing to do if you have the time beforehand is to find out about the customer and their business, then talk about that as an introduction. 
• Ask an open ended question such as “How is business going?”  That will definitely get them talking. 
• Remember not to talk for longer than 60 seconds and do this in 20 second sound bites. 
• Another tip from past days is to get the person to say the word ‘yes’ three times in a row.  This encourages them to form a pattern and make it easier to make the sale.
• Remember also that everyone wants to know “What’s in it for me?”  Always link your service or product to an outcome that meets their lifestyle or needs.  
• Price is always an issue for most.  If it is a stumbling block then break the cost down to something easily understood such as “That’s just the price of a cup of coffee each day”. 
• Always provide your customer with choices then ask “Which option would suit you best?”  This again gives them control and ownership of the decision. 
• Finally, under-promise and over-deliver. Never say that you can do something unless you are absolutely certain you can.

Body Language to De-escalate

Here are some quick tips on how to use your body language to reduce tension in an emotional conversation with someone who is angry;

• Hold eye contact for around 60% of the time. Be careful not to hold direct eye contact for too long with overly aggressive people as they will take this as a sign you are looking for a confrontation.
• If standing, stand straight and tall. This shows that you aren't afraid and is also a neutral position which means it cannot be misread.
• If seated, sit upright. Lean just slightly forward which you will find is actually straight.
• Men - Keep your arms at your sides with your hands open. Do not clench your fists which is what we will want to do.
• Women - Have your arms in front with one hand clutching the wrist of the opposite arm, this is a sign that the other person is safe. You can also move your thumb slowly back and forward as a sign of reassurance.
• Keep the right distance, about 1.5 metres apart. Don't get too close as to crowd the other person or that you are placing yourself in danger.
• Mirror some of their body language when the person has calmed. If you mirror body language when someone is aggressive it has the same effect as glaring at them.

Some other things that you can do at the same time;

• Use their name early in the conversation to show that you are listening and you are an actual person. Plus, we all like to hear our own name being spoken by others.
• Always be polite no matter how rude the other person may be. Words such as “please” and “thank you” will gain you important brownie points when talking with those from the baby boomer generation.
• Respect their point of view. You may disagree but also know that your view may not be right.
• Ask for their permission if you need to go away and do something. This makes the person feel important because you have sought their permission. Ensure that you tell them what you are going to do as they will be suspicious.
• Use the word “important” when appropriate. This plays to their ego.