Why Include Communication for Personal Resilience.

I am often asked why include effective communications as part of a wider personal resilience support programme?  When you think about it, what is the most difficult part of your work day?  I bet it has to do with communicating.

Most of the stress that we face at work involves difficult communication in some form or another.  We aren’t so worried about how we do things because we all do our job pretty well.  We tend to worry more about how we communicate what we are doing and what others might think of us if we communicate it poorly.

Whether it is communicating with challenging customers, handling difficult colleagues, running meetings, or presenting to a large audience, all of these things involve communicating.  Do it badly and it makes our life less than favourable.

To have good communication skills you not only need reasonable grammatical knowledge (and I don't so I rely heavily on professor Google) but you you also need to control your emotions during these types of communications.

To control your emotions you need to control your thoughts. That is what I learned to do effectively and efficiently as a crisis negotiator.  To control my thoughts which controlled my emotions so that I could quickly and successfully engage with a person in crisis.

A few quick tips for you;

• Don't say the first thing that comes into your head when emotional because it will always be wrong.
• Take a long, slow, deep, quiet breath to control your adrenaline before meetings and during difficult encounters.
• Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Slow things down so that you remain calm and in control.
• Don't ever send an email when you are emotional. Walk away and come back to it when you have calmed yourself.
• Don't joke - Jokes are for movies and stand-up comedy, not for your correspondence. 
• Read your emails and speeches at least three times, our brain works in threes and you will pick up on errors at each reading.
• Be quick to apologise if you made an error of judgment in something that you said or sent.
• Be respectful and humble in your communications.

You Need To Change, Now

A lot of my work these days is focused on assisting organisations with change.  Not change management in the traditional sense, there's plenty of people better than I who can do this.  My focus is on how to manage and handle change from a fixed mind-set perspective, changing the way we think about change.

Change is the only consistent aspect of business these days. Change is here to stay.  Ever heard of companies such as Xerox, Kodak, Motorola, and Pan Am?  Those of you who are more 'experienced' (older) would have.  They were world leaders in their fields who failed to adapt, they failed to change. 

Communication and personal resilience is my interest so I focus on these aspects in my work. Communication has changed dramatically in the last two decades; our attention span for a single topic has shortened therefore we need to keep our sentences much shorter and move on quickly to the next topic, we now have four generations in the workplace so we need to change our style so that we address all four different communication styles, and as technology advances the way in which we communicate must also advance. So don’t follow this last paragraph if you want to engage people, look to the next paragraphs.

Resisting change won't benefit anyone, especially yourself. I recall years ago as the chair of a school board of trustees saying that we didn't need computers in classrooms. They were just a passing fad I said.  I'm an idiot! I didn't want to change, I didn’t like change, I couldn't see the benefit of change. I resisted.

Gen-Ys and Millennials enjoy change, they grew up with it. Without change they become bored. Baby boomers on the other hand are the reluctant ones, particularly the matriarchs and patriarchs of your company.

Resistance is futile to coin a well-known phrase.  And it is. The easiest way to accept change is just that, to accept it as an on-going part of your work. Respond positively and your brain will follow. Look for opportunities to exploit the change for your own benefit, become the workplace change champion.

If you are still struggling, control what you can control and take it one step at a time. Break big changes into small pieces by learning one new thing each week. When you learn something new, share it with others.  If in doubt, always ask and never guess.    

By following these simple rules your brain will become accustomed to change and will actually start looking for change. You will find yourself adapting much faster and learning becomes much easier. Your resilience will improve as a result.

Talk to Me, Please.

We don't talk enough.  Socialisation is third on our list of 'must dos' after sleep and exercise.  These three things will keep us mentally well. Coincidentally, socialisation is also third on our hierarchy of needs.  Talking to others has many benefits; sharing a problem, finding out what's going on, distracting you from your worries, the list goes on.

Socialisation is not sitting in a chair posting messages on Facebook or Twitter. I’m sorry, you actually have to get out and talk to people. Real people with real conversations. When we use e-devices to speak with others we will often say things that we don’t mean, there is no venting involved, and emotions aren’t portrayed in the communication. All these things are part of a genuine conversation.

Socialisation is about getting out of the house and talking to others about your work, your worries, and your life. It is also about learning social skills, how to interact with others, understanding manners in conversation, and interacting with the community.

Meet with a group of friends that you work with so that you can debrief all the challenges of your workplace.  But remember to also have a group of friends from outside of your work so that you aren't always talking about work stuff.  

It is said that attitude plays an important part in how we feel. Sometimes when I wake up I feel myself feeling a bit down. When this happens I ask myself “so what’s changed?” Usually nothing has changed, it’s just my thoughts. My brain is either tired or looking for something to worry about. Changing your thoughts changes your attitude which changes your emotions.

Getting out and talking to people can change your attitude. Talk with people you enjoy being around, the ones that make you laugh. Positive conversations result in positive emotions. Never talk to those who speak in a negative language as this will also influence your attitude, in a bad way.

When we are feeling down we don't like to meet with others, we want to shut ourselves off from the world. That is the wrong thing to do as we will just become even more withdrawn. Get out there and distract your thoughts and change your emotions with engaged conversation.

Who Do You Think You Are?

Opinions, we all have them.  Me, I am an ex-negotiator and an ex-cop so I have plenty of them.  Sometimes I think that my opinions matter the most.  They don't, and nor do yours.

Opinions are just that, what one person believes based on many things; how they were raised, what they learned, who their friends were, how they were treated, and endless other factors.  Opinions are loosely based on fact but are seldom accurate.

Opinions are also linked to our emotions.  If someone's opinion is different to our own we don't like it.  If the other person tells us that our opinion is wrong then we feel hurt and may take offence at what was said.  Be careful not to confuse opinions with criticism, they are quite different. 

If you disagree with an opinion then it is okay to say so but do it without being hurtful yourself.  Don't say anything that resembles "Who do you think you are" as it will not end well.  Just say, "that is a great thought", followed up with your own opinion.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as are you.  Just don't confuse opinions with fact and certainly don't be offended by them.

I'm Mental!

"You're a mental!"  A sentence said in jest by me growing up as a child of the Baby Boomer generation.  As children, we seldom know what we are saying. As adults, we should know better. The words you use in jest can bully, humiliate, hurt, and ultimately destroy another person.

I'm a mental, a person who has had a mental illness. Those words 'mental illness' conjure up all sorts of things. I use to fear people with a mental illness. Perhaps I may not have had there been a better term to use such as 'brain sickness'. I am a person who has had a brain sickness.

Brain sickness comes in many forms, from totally debilitating to those controlled with medication, to those who have recovered. Note I did not say fully recovered. Just like when you break a bone there is always a weak point where the bone has repaired itself.  The same happens with your brain, there is always a weakness that you have to be careful with.

Some people carry a prejudice towards those who have had depression. Again, I did not say 'suffered' from depression because for me it was a gift. It's not a gift I would want to receive again thanks all the same nor give as a present to others.  I also use to think that all you needed to do to get over depression was to harden up, get on with things. Not so these days!

Generally, any prejudice held towards those who have had depression is due to a lack of understanding about the brain sickness and perhaps for some it is from fear of the unknown.  To get over this prejudice just think of depression as 'brain flu'. It can be helped just like any other flu. Or at the very least controlled with medication.

If you have had a serious broken bone you may be left with continual pain that has to be managed by medication.  Why is it then that it is okay to take medication for the pain of a bone injury but there is still a stigma if you take medication to manage your brain pain? I am lucky, I do not have to take medication.  But I do have to ensure I get enough sleep, exercise, and socialisation so that I do not get sick again.

There are many great people I know who have been to see the black dog and returned to be much wiser.  Not stronger, wiser. Some of those people love to share their gift with others so that other people don't have to go through the same thing. Listen to these and you will learn a lot.