I'm Scared of the Media

Media interviews can be very stressful, more so if the interview is conducted live. During media training I was taught to have three key messages and stick to them no matter what.  Politicians do this when being questioned by reporters.

The problem with following this advice is that you try to stick to those three key messages and when asked questions on them your voice sounds artificial and disingenuous. You should have three key messages but then you have to be prepared to answer probing questions.

A technique that I have found useful is to utilise the 'strand' approach that negotiators use. Write out your three key messages then think about what three questions might be asked from each key message. By doing this you now have nine statements which is more than enough for a television or radio interview yet you are still adhering to your three key messages.

You can prepare for work presentations and job interviews in the same way. How often have you prepared for a job interview by listing loads of questions that might be asked of you and not one of them were asked in the interview?  Nonetheless, you still managed to answer the questions with ease. That’s because your brain likes to be prepared to defend you from attack and works best if it is allowed warm up first, a bit like running a race.

Speaking of warming up, a journalist may ask you a few questions early in the interview to relax you and then they will ask you what they really want to know. Be careful that the early questions aren’t there just to lull you into a sense of false security because you may be asked some difficult questions which you answer but may later regret doing so. Worse still, you look like a bit of a fool stammering over your reply because you weren't prepared.

Keep in mind that those who work in the media industry are just like you and I, people doing their job.  They are talented professionals who want to do the best that they can, often under difficult circumstances.  They are not to be feared, quite the opposite in fact.  

I Can Sell Anything to Anyone

To gain a sale it is important to establish a rapport because it is always difficult to say no to a 'friend'. There are many things that we do during a conversation that can be detrimental to building a rapport. For example, how many times have you been thinking of your next question while the other person is still talking or perhaps need to change what you were going to say because the conversation wasn’t going in the direction you though it might?

More annoying for the other person is when you interrupt them because you think that you know what they are going to say, finish off their sentences, or perhaps encourage them to talk faster by talking faster yourself to get them to follow. Sometimes your thoughts may wander off if the other person talks for longer than 10 seconds. These habits show a lack of patience on your part.

Etiquette is very important in communication, your turn, my turn. When you think that the other person has finished their sentence, take a short breath to ensure that they have. This avoids over talking and shows a genuine interest in what they have to say.

It may be that you ask a question and then listen just for the answer that you want to hear, or perhaps start talking without really knowing what you are going to say. This is because you are focussed more on your own agenda. Other signs of this are losing eye contact because you are disinterested in what the other person is saying or worse you do most of the talking.

While on the subject of talking, do you raise your voice or stand up when you want the other person to stop and listen to you, or does your voice change to sound arrogant when you know that you are right. These are things that that we must eliminate if we are to truly engage with customers.

For sales representatives, get the other person to talk about themselves before you do anything else. A great initiative if you have the time is to find out about the customer and their business (if they have one), then talk about that as an introduction to your product or service. Ask an open ended question such as “How is business going?” That will get them talking.

Remember not to talk for more than 60 seconds and do is in 20 second sound bites. Another tip from past days is to get the person to say the word ‘yes’ three times in a row. This encourages the customer to form a pattern and will make it easier to make a sale.

Remember also that everyone wants to know “What’s in it for me?” Always link your service or product to an outcome that meets their lifestyle or needs. This means you need to know your product well and how it will help them. Encourage the customer to ask questions which will gain their interest but please don’t say “That’s a great question” when you are thinking of an answer.  If you don’t understand their question or want more time to think about it, try “If I have understood you correctly, you are saying that ….”, or “Are you asking…”

Price is always an issue for all of us these days. If price is a stumbling block for the sale then break it down to something easily understood such as “That’s just the price of a cup of coffee each day”. Always provide your customer with choices then ask “Which option would suit you best?” This again gives them control and ownership of the decision. Finally, under-promise and over-deliver.  Never say you can do something unless you are absolutely certain of it.

Stop Criticising Me, I Hate It.

I have been asked to provide my perspective on accepting criticism. I'm happy to do so but I’m probably not the best person as I dislike (hate) it when people tell me something that they don't like about me or my work. “If you don’t like it, say nothing” I tell myself.

I first need to differentiate criticism from feedback. Feedback is about providing positive and negative comments in a way that is non-confrontational. Criticism is about passing judgement and fault finding.  Criticism is not something you should ever do nor should you ever accept. I am going to talk about negative feedback.

Members of Toastmasters provide negative feedback that adheres to the strict rules of that organisation.  The praise sandwich is a way of providing negative feedback without offending - here's what I like about what you said, here's where you can do better, here's another good thing about what you have said. This method of feedback is colloquially termed the sh*t sandwich. While it suits that organisation it is unsuitable in the workplace.

When I provide presentations and services to organisations, I always seek feedback to ensure that I am meeting the needs of the company and of the attendees.  I take on board some of the suggestions to improve my programme. Unfortunately I have a tendency to always go to the negative comments first rather than focus on what I did well.

I know why I do this, we all do it. We want to know what bad things people are saying about us and if it is negative we want to make excuses as to why it occurred.  I still cannot read negative feedback without it affecting me in some way. My amygdala sends signals to my brain and the brain says ‘defend yourself’. My heart races, adrenaline pumps through my veins and I just want to get revenge on the person who wrote the feedback. Don’t do it!   

All of us have the desire to do our best, to be the best, and importantly to please everyone. The only way to be the best and to improve yourself is to read the negative feedback and take what we can and modify what we do.  It's not easy though is it? 

I find the easiest way to accept criticism is to read it once then leave it. My brain does a few backflips as I reflect on what an idiot that person must be, then I go back and read the feedback again. Guess what, it is not as bad as I first thought it was and there are a couple of good suggestions that I could use to develop myself.

A wise man once told me, “Remember, it is just their opinion”. One organisation I work for operates on an 80% rule, provided 80% of the attendees like what I do then they are happy. Not a bad rule although I would like to be up around 90%!

The next time you receive negative feedback, read it once, leave it, come back to it, and look to see what you can change.  Only change something if it does not interfere with your own values and remember it is just one person’s opinion.

I'm Just Different

Having only been around running my own business for less than a year, I still wonder if I have made the right decision to start a company at my stage in life.  After all, I have worked for someone else for the last 40 years.

Should I just go and get a real job. Am I rushing into things too quickly, are the risks too great, what happens if I fail, will the sun still rise tomorrow. I have friends who have gone through the same thing as I have and they always encourage me to keep going.  Self-doubt is normal I know, but who wants to be a failure.

At every presentation I have given, at every workshop I have run, at every meeting I have been to, I am told that I am different and almost everyone agrees that they want to see more of what I do. There will always be a few that I can't engage with, that think I'm not very good, that don't want to hear what I have to say.  As difficult as it is, I ignore their comments.

The other day I had to present in front of a group of lawyers, doctors, and social workers.  Wow, what a tough gig. How do you engage with this crowd? Nothing different was my answer. Have faith that people want to know what you have to say. Sure, some aren't going to enjoy your presentation. You can't please everyone right. But the majority will like what you do because you are different.

We all suffer from a bit of navel gazing at times, lots of pondering as to whether we are doing the right thing or not. The important thing is to keep going. Why? Because you are different.  We all are, and that is what makes us unique. 

I have a few more gigs on the radar that I will be wondering the same thing. I have been engaged to talk to academics at a university. The very people who taught me things during my studies. I now know that not all in the room will enjoy my presentation but the majority will.

How do I know this, because I will find why I am different and use that to engage the audience. "Hands up who has talked to a murderer while he held a knife to another prisoners throat" I will say for my opening line.  I doubt that a hand will be raised.  Got you, my point of difference.

You may have similar roles to others, similar traits, similar looks, but you are unique. That is what you need to hang on to, to promote more of. You.

Don't Be Afraid

They say that making a speech is one of the most frightening things that you can do, and I agree. There was a time when just the thought of speaking in front of an audience made me break out in a sweat and butterflies would dance around inside my stomach. That’s not very good for someone who has spent the last 15 years speaking in front of people. I was always fearful of standing in front of others and became very aware of how I would panic as I was talking and would often forget what I was about to say.  

So how did I overcome this fear that most of us have? (To be honest, you never actually overcome the fear, it’s just become a little easier.) Practice, practice, practice. Just as psychologists use immersion therapy to help their clients overcome fears and medical specialists use desensitisation to get their patients accustomed to something they have an adverse reaction to, you can use the same technique. The more you do, the easier it becomes.

When you have a speech to make, write it out in at least 14 size font and in 1.5 paragraph spacing. This makes it easy to read when you are under pressure. Next start to memorise the important points of the speech so that when you lose your place, and you will, you can find it much easier. Plus you will have the opportunity to look at the audience more often if you know what you are about to say. Next, use a highlighter pen to make the important words stand out more. Again this is helpful to find your place if you become flustered.  

If there is a lectern available, stand firmly behind it with your hands gripping either side. This will stop you from moving about and the audience won't see your hands shaking. Don’t grip it too tight as you don’t want the audience to see white knuckles. When it comes time to turn the page of your speech, don't hide it, make it obvious and take your time in doing so. Periodically, look up just above the heads of your audience as you are talking. The more that you do this the more relaxed you will become.

The way in which we hear or own voice is sometimes off-putting. We tend to hear every little squeak or waver. Don't worry about this, ignore it as others won't hear it. If you are worried about how you sound then record your voice and play it back and correct whatever it is that you want to. Another way is to download a software programme that allows you to hear the sound of your own voice while you are talking. Standing in front of a mirror as you practice your speech is another good way to practice.

I wish that I had done some of these things early on in my speech-making days, I didn't. If I had perhaps it would have saved me a lot of worry.