Do we really learn from our past?
I have spent my whole life trying to explain my bad decisions and poor behaviours; it is exhausting.
As a kid, it was always ‘I don’t know why.’ As an adult, not much has changed except I’m much better at creative excuses.
It is often said that we’re able to learn from our mistakes; I'm not sure that's accurate. At least not that it’s automatic.
I've made mistakes, repeated them, then repeated them again. In fact, some mistakes I’m very good at.
I've done things, promised myself I'd never do them again, then found myself doing exactly the same thing months later.
Even after being involved in a recent road rage incident (not from my mistake), I can't honestly say I have become a better driver.
The more I've learned about neuroscience and human behaviour, the more I've realised that experience doesn't always teach us, but reflection does.
Reflecting is learning from the event, whereas replaying is reliving the event. They should not be confused.
Research suggests our brains are wired to take shortcuts. We fall back into familiar patterns, even when those patterns have let us down.
This may explain why so many of us find ourselves having the same arguments, making the same decisions, choosing the same habits, or reacting to the same triggers over and over again.
Maybe it's because being human is messy.
Maybe wisdom comes from our willingness to ask ourselves, "What can I learn from this?"
The lesson is in the reflection.
What Can I Learn From This?