For years we've been told that anger is bad and being nice is good.
Hold on to your hat - recent research paints a more interesting picture.
Studies published over the past couple of years suggest that anger, when understood and channelled well, can actually be useful.
Researchers found that anger can increase motivation, persistence and action - particularly when we're facing obstacles or unfair situations.
In challenging circumstances, people experiencing anger were often more likely to push forward and work towards their goals.
Anger is information. It tells us that something matters, a boundary may have been crossed, a value may have been violated, or that a situation needs attention.
The emotion itself isn't the problem; it’s what we do with it that is.
At the same time, research is highlighting a downside to being endlessly nice, agreeable and accommodating.
People who constantly prioritise harmony over honesty can find themselves exhausted, resentful, stressed and disconnected from their own needs.
Chronic people-pleasing has been linked to burnout, poorer wellbeing, reduced authenticity and difficulties setting healthy boundaries.
Being respectful is important, being kind is important, yet being agreeable at all costs comes with a price.
Sometimes the most respectful thing we can do is have the difficult conversation, the kindest thing we can do is say no, and the healthiest thing we can do is listen to our anger rather than suppress it.
Perhaps emotional intelligence is about understanding what anger is trying to tell us.
This isn't permission to treat others poorly; it's simply an invitation to better understand ourselves.
Sometimes anger is highlighting something we need to notice, not something we need to act out.
Let’s talk!
Is Anger Bad?