Thanks to those who have asked for alternative words from my earlier posting. I was going to string it out until tomorrow but that would be against the principles of resiliency....
The 10 words to avoid are again listed here to jog your memory, with the alternatives provided for you to try;
- I understand - Try using something like "That's helpful", "I take your point", "And because of that you are angry/sad/frustrated", "This is important", "I had something similar event happen to me, it's terrible/sad/difficult isn't it?"
- A good question - Just answer the question immediately. If it is a good question and you want to acknowledge it, then say "I've not been asked that before". This shows the questioner that you are genuine in your reaction to their question and may excuse you if you can't answer the question immediately.
- Actually - Don't use this or any similar word as it's makes you sound superior. Or you might say "What I found was..." If you are suggesting an alternative point or you might say "An alternate view is...."
- Really - Don't use any other word to replace the word really. Either something is large or it is huge, it's not really large. If you use 'really' by itself as an expressive word, it says that you don't believe the person so instead say "That happened?", or "That incredible/unbelievable/fantastic".
- Very - Same as above, it either is or it isn't. It is okay to say "Very much so" if you agree with someone as this adds emphasis to what they have said which helps to gain empathy.
- Just - This word can be used as an adjective or adverb. Compare these two sentences - 'Just don't use it to add emphasis to a point!' or 'Don't use it to add emphasis to a point!' The same message, one word less.
- Stuff - Say what you mean; objects, junk, articles, goods, etc. Use a noun, call it for what it is.
- Wait a minute - Or sometimes we say "Just wait a minute". If you must interrupt someone say "I have an important question", or "An alternative you may wish to consider which could help....", then make your statement. Remember to then wait until they have finished what they are saying, if you try and interrupt a second time it will cause conflict.
- No - Always use two or three words rather than a single word for the angry people; "I am unable to... because....", "I will try however....", "It may not be possible because....", "I am restricted from doing this because...." Always explain why - I like to say, the reason for the reason.
- Like - If this word is used as a filler, just don't say anything. If you are using it for comparison purposes, say "It is similar/comparable/equal to..." If you like something, then use a verb - fond/enjoy/admire.
Please remember that these 10 words are to be avoided only for those people who are in an emotional state. You will find that I use most of them in my postings, hopefully you aren't angry at the time you read them.