Let's look at a few words that would be helpful to avoid during emotional conversations;
- I understand - Try not to use this word with people who are in an emotional state. When you say "I understand" to someone, what they are hearing is "I know how you feel". You sound superior and make the other person feel inferior.
- A good question - Of course it is a good question, that's why I asked it. You may think that you are establishing a rapport but we all know that you are trying to make up for something bad you just said earlier or you are stalling for time .
- Actually - This is another word that implies superiority, particularly so if you use it to start your sentence. "Actually that's not the case".
- Really - It's a wasted word. Either something is large or it is huge, it's not really large. If you use 'really' by itself as an expressive word, it says that you don't believe the person.
- Very - Same as above, it either is or it isn't.
- Just - It's a filler word and if used wrongly will cause anger. 'Just take your time' or 'take your time'. Which sentence do you prefer?
- Stuff - I use it all the time when I can't think of the correct adjective. Worse still I make a joke about it by writing it like this, 'stuff'. I know what I mean, others don't.
- Wait a minute - If you use these words together to interrupt someone you have just destroyed any rapport. Next time you want to say this take your own advice and 'you wait a minute', wait until they have finished.
- No - Adding the word no just infuriates people more. "No I can't" as opposed to "I can't", which sounds better? By the way, if you can't do something say you can't and then explain why.
- Like - These days it is used instead of ums & ahs. "And then like....", it is a word used out of habit so it can be avoided.