With many organisations seeing an increase in angry clients and customers, we are regularly asked the question, "How do we talk to an angry person?"
Often, saying nothing or simply agreeing with how they feel can help reduce conflict.
Here are some other tips for dealing with the angry:
👉 Stand tall with your head up, shoulders back, and hands by your side. This shows that you are open and ready to listen.
👉 Listen to what they are saying. When they have finished their 'vent', paraphrase back to them what they said related to the facts of what they are yelling about. (i.e., you are here to talk about .....).
👉 Reduce your eye contact to half of what you would usually do, 30% instead of 60%.
👉 The person will come at you again, repeat the process. Keep your hand movements to a minimum.
👉 If you can, hold something in your hand, such as a notebook or pen. This will help relax your facial muscles and give you the feeling of support. (Try it now, stand up with your hands by your side without anything in your hands and then pick something up. Note how you feel more relaxed yet confident.
👉 If you're able to, invite the person to sit down. This will reduce their anger, as they won't have a strong foundation on which to base their rage.
👉 Go through their issue without taking any notes; this is called free recall. Then ask them to go through it again and tell them that this time you will be taking notes. Going through it twice clarifies the situation and allows them to tell their story at least twice, easing built-up tension.
👉 If you can, get them to make notes also. When we write words by forming letters, we switch to our logic brain, rather than staying in our emotional brain.
👉 Throughout the conversation, use words such as important. "I can tell this is important to you." They are in a heightened state because this is important to them, and acknowledging this will support them in feeling acknowledged and validated.
Have you noticed an increase in angry clients and customers?
Let's talk!
The Power of Wisdom!
We watched a movie last night about Tourette’s called ‘I Swear.’
It moved me to tears, reflecting on how life can be so challenging for some of us.
We all spend our lives searching for direction, meaning, and something that feels like it's ours.
Some discoveries arrive by accident, some because someone told us, and some appear exactly when we’re ready.
The ones that land hardest seem to be the discoveries we make ourselves.
For me, life has never been about trial and error, although it often felt that way at the time.
It has always been trial and trial. A trial of managing something I never knew I had and trialling new ways of dealing with it.
Nothing is ever truly an error if it teaches me something. And everything teaches me something.
As I’ve aged – yes, I know I shouldn’t be talking about ageing – people sometimes say I am wise.
Yet wisdom doesn’t arrive with birthdays.
Wisdom arrives when you start using what you’ve lived through. Every challenge I’ve faced has brought something new to learn.
Every setback has offered another piece of the puzzle.
Every confusing, painful, uncertain moment has nudged me forward. Even when I didn’t realise it at the time, such as not learning to learn until I was aged 35.
Life, I’ve learned, is not a series of problems to solve. Life is a series of lessons to integrate.
The more I stay curious, the more I try, the more I experiment, the more life reveals what I’m meant to know and when I’m meant to know it.
If you’re feeling stuck, lost, overwhelmed, or behind – maybe you’re not behind at all.
Maybe you’re right on time.
Continue learning and discovering your way. Not someone else’s way.
The most powerful wisdom you will ever hold is the wisdom you earn by living your own life.
Let’s talk!
Hit By A Double Whammy!
I was hit with a double whammy: an accumulation of stressful situations at work, along with numerous leave applications being declined. When leave was granted, I would study. I have never been one to rest.
It was not that I was working too hard, or that I was working long hours, or that I never took time to rest; it was because I had lost all sense of control over my work.
For me, burnout crept in gradually, almost unnoticed. Looking back, the signs were there, but they were easy to miss.
If the signs were obvious, we’d all be better at preventing it.
When I was younger, I would keep busy and by the age of 11 was mowing lawns and delivering newspapers for money. Weekends were filled with work around the home and in the garden.
Hard work provided a sense of solitude, offering a break from my constantly overthinking mind. The feeling of accomplishment, coupled with the praise from others that followed, became a reward in itself.
Fast forward to a police career 24 years later - I was doing the same thing, working hard to progress through the ranks.
Known causes of burnout at work include a heavy workload with long hours, struggling with a work-life balance, a mismatch of values, unfair treatment, and insufficient autonomy, all leaving the person with a feeling of having little or no control.
The first realisation that something was wrong was when I began self-medicating, firstly to get a better night's sleep, and latterly throughout the day. Anything to stop the onslaught of negative self-talk.
It wasn't until a suicidal ideation that I truly knew I needed help urgently. A diagnosis of accumulated stress disorder led to both psychological support and the journey of self-discovery.
The initial diagnosis was emotionally overwhelming, but also brought a sense of relief - knowing that others had faced and overcome a similar challenge.
Regardless of how determined, strong, or powerful we think we might be, there is always a risk of burnout if we do not maintain control over what we do.
Fast forward further to today.
Although I've never worked harder as a business owner, now, the inability to say no is my choice. That's how I'm now able to maintain a sense of control.
Each of us is different, and we must find our own way of managing our workloads.
If you wish to prevent burnout, it's crucial to maintain control of your life in a way that allows balance - on your terms.
How do you maintain balance and a sense of control in your life?
Let's talk!
Follow Your Heart!
We have all heard inspirational stories of people who have gone through extraordinarily tough times to overcome adversity. Many will recount being able to find a new level of strength and determination when they thought they had nothing left to give.
Is it courage, is it 'toughening up', or is it the ability to switch off from reality and focus on something else? It is the latter. People who can work through extreme adversity, to put the pain to one side, to find strength at the depths of despair, are all around us.
Much has been written about the common traits of people who do the seemingly impossible - a powerful inner drive, a tolerance of pain, the ability to visualise a goal, extraordinary self-discipline - and so the list goes on.
We all have the ability to tap into any of these traits. For me, it is one thing: the ability to focus on our hook.
We all have a hook, that one thing that we always think of when times get tough, our sense of purpose, our real strength.
If you focus on your hook – family, faith, fitness, friends, whatever it is for you – when times get tough, you will find the ability to gain unbelievable strength. Focusing on our hook stops our mind from wandering, prevents our inner voice from telling us to give up, and lets us ignore the present pain.
When we focus on our hook, we become energised, driven, and numb to the pain. For our hook is in our heart, and our heart will always overcome what our inner voice is telling us if we truly believe in our hook.
Do not believe your thoughts when times get tough, for they are just that, thoughts. Challenge every thought you have. Is it you, or is it your brain taking the easiest route? Our brain has one purpose: to keep us alive, and it will always tell us to give up. Ignore your voice and hold on to what is in your heart.
Be as patient with yourself as you are with those around you, and hold on to what you love, your hook.
When times get tough, always go with your heart and not your head.
In times of adversity, your heart will always know best.
Let's talk!
Before You Fall Asleep Tonight...
Before you fall asleep tonight, read this.