Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It’s what allows us to connect, to care, and to comfort.
Being empathetic means listening without judgment, offering support without needing to fix, and simply being present with someone in their pain or joy.
But being an empath goes deeper.
An empath doesn’t just understand emotions; they feel them deeply and are sometimes overwhelmed by them.
Empaths absorb the energy around them, sensing sadness, anger, happiness, or pain even when it’s unspoken.
It’s not a choice; it is part of you that you cannot hide from.
Five years on from lockdown, many people are still fragile. Mood swings, anger, tears, and overwhelm are common.
Our emotions are heightened because we’ve been through a collective trauma. We’re still healing, and empaths feel this more than most.
I’ve always felt different from other people as early as I can remember.
I thought I was soft. I thought I was afraid. I thought I was weak. I certainly wasn’t what many would call – masculine.
I couldn’t bear cruelty, I couldn’t face helping people who were injured, and then I became a police officer.
I struggled with the pain I saw, and I buried my emotions. I pushed my family away and found comfort in alcohol.
It worked, or so I thought. Then I experienced depression!
Over the past two years, I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery. I now know that I’m an empath and understand why I became a crisis negotiator.
I know why I can walk into a room and instantly see those who are struggling.
If you’re wondering whether you’re an empath, apart from what’s written above, here are some signs:
- You feel others’ emotions as if they’re your own.
- You’re deeply affected by cruelty or injustice.
- You want to help others more than you want to help yourself.
- You feel drained in crowded or emotionally intense environments.
- You cry easily – not out of weakness, but because you care deeply.
- You sense when someone is hurting, even if they say they’re fine.
If this sounds like you, don’t hide from it. Don’t run from it. And certainly, don’t bury it.
Embrace it. For you are a special person, and the world needs people just like you now more than ever.
Let’s Talk!
Why We Should Cry More!!
I was humbled and honoured to be asked to return for a fourth year to provide a keynote at the United Fire Brigades Association annual conference.
This is a huge event for firefighters in New Zealand, and for those privileged to present. Hundreds filled the room, with thousands more joining online.
Of course, I was nervous. It was a presentation I’d never done before, built around the theme “Responding to Tomorrow”, with my focus on “Does Technology Affect Our Performance?”
What I shared was simple: when people are in need, they don’t look for technology, they look for humanity.
A gentle hand on the shoulder, a touch on the arm, the holding of a hand when all feels lost.
It’s the people that matter – those in need, and those who help them.
One message resonated deeply: those with big hearts often feel they’re too sensitive.
They hope to toughen up, or they build a protective shell to show strength on the outside while pushing away emotions that make them want to cry.
We’re quick to show laughter and anger, the extremes of the emotional spectrum. Yet sadness, tears? Many of us hold those back.
Why? Neuroscience tells us that crying is not weakness; it helps us regulate our emotions.
Emotional tears activate the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body and releasing oxytocin and endorphins - our natural painkillers and bonding chemicals.
Yet many of us suppress tears. Historically, crying has been stigmatised, particularly for men. We’ve been taught that strength means silence.
But suppression doesn’t erase the emotion; it stores it deep inside. And what’s stored eventually surfaces, often appearing as anxiety, depression, or displaced anger.
Long-term research shows that crying:
✔️ Flushes stress hormones like cortisol.
✔️ Regulates our mood and nervous system.
✔️ Builds emotional resilience.
✔️ Strengthens social connection through empathy
Crying is a release valve. It’s how we metabolise grief, sadness, and feelings of being overwhelmed.
So, if you feel like crying, cry. Behind every strong exterior is a heart that feels deeply.
Let’s talk!
Be Your Best You!
Those who follow my posts know I’ve been on a long journey of self-discovery, from childhood through to today, piecing together the jigsaw puzzle of my life to understand why I behaved the way I did.
The truth is, I was angry. Deeply angry. At everything and at everyone.
That anger often exploded into fits of rage. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop.
I tried alcohol, medication, drugs – nothing worked.
I felt possessed, evil even, knowing that this wasn’t the real me.
I blamed my father. I blamed my education. I blamed the unfair world. Rarely, did I blame myself.
And yes, I have regrets. All of them were tied to one thing: anger.
Yet, something started to change.
My anger began to fade. It still flickers now and then, but I’ve learned to turn it into humour, to let it go more easily than before.
And, as things started to go right in my life, I found myself asking: Why do I deserve this peace, this contentment, this ease with the world?
The answer came when I stopped fighting and started understanding. Understanding me!
I am neurodivergent. I think differently. I feel differently. I am different.
My struggle was about trying to fit in when I was never meant to.
I was trying to be someone else instead of embracing who I truly am.
Being different is not a flaw, it’s a truth.
When we stop fighting that truth and start working with it, everything changes. Your relationships, your sense of purpose, and how you view the world.
So, I ask you to consider - do you know who you truly are?
If not, start exploring. Find your difference, be your difference, and embrace it. For that is your true self.
You deserve to be happy, to be content, to have good things happen to you, too.
Let’s talk!
What Is Empathy, Truly?
According to 2025 neuroscience, empathy is the ability to recognise and share the emotions of others, driven by a complex interplay of brain systems.
The word ‘recognise’ in this context means being able to perceive and understand what someone else is feeling by reading facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and context.
The word ‘share’ is about the emotional feeling that we get when we know that someone is sad or happy. This comes from mirror neurons.
Emotional empathy activates the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and insula, mirroring others’ pain as if it were our own.
Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, involves mentalising networks that help us infer what others are thinking or feeling.
Empathy forms through emotional learning. When we feel rewarded by someone else’s happiness, our brain begins to treat them like a favourite. This emotional association builds empathy, even in the absence of direct rewards.
Empathy shapes our behaviour, decisions, and relationships. It drives prosocial actions, deepens connection, and even influences how we respond to distress.
When we witness someone in pain, the same neural pathways light up as if we were experiencing it ourselves. This “affect sharing” is essential for social bonding and survival.
The challenge is that empathy can shut down. Stress, burnout, and emotional overload can hijack our empathic circuits.
Neuroscience shows that empathy and compassion activate different brain networks. Empathy can lead to distress and fatigue, while compassion engages reward and motivation centres.
Without compassion, empathy can overwhelm us. What gets in the way - emotional exhaustion, disconnection from others, competitive environments, digital overload, and reduced face-to-face interaction.
Now we can see why empathy drifts into the background in our very busy world.
Empathy is not just a trait; it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be trained, strengthened, and protected.
Let’s talk!
We Need To Cry As much As We Laugh!
As we recover from the emotional toll of lockdowns and disrupted routines, many of us are still carrying the weight of unexpressed emotions.
Frustration often bubbles up as anger, but beneath that lies sadness, vulnerability, and longing for connection.
During those uncertain times, we learned to suppress our emotions. Many of us said nothing, or, on the contrary, we lashed out.
Our brains, wired for survival, adapted by shielding us from emotional exposure. But in doing so, we lost touch with our natural selves.
Crying is not a weakness; it’s neuroscience. Emotional tears activate the limbic system, especially the amygdala and hypothalamus, which regulate our emotional responses.
Crying triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us shift from fight-or-flight into rest and repair. Tears release cortisol, prolactin, and endorphins, reducing stress and bringing emotional relief.
Crying is also evolutionary.
It’s a call for help, a display of vulnerability, and a way to strengthen bonds. Evolutionary biologists suggest that tears blur our vision to lower defences, signalling submission and a need for connection.
And we are wired to laugh.
Laughter, like crying, is deeply rooted in our biology. It evolved from play signals in early mammals and became a tool for survival, helping us form alliances, reduce tension, and signal safety.
Laughter activates brain regions tied to joy and social bonding. It’s contagious, healing, and profoundly human.
I’ve found myself crying more in recent years. Not just in moments of personal highs and lows, but also when someone says something deeply emotional, when I’m triggered by a past experience, or when I feel the hurt of someone else.
It’s not uncommon for me to well up. And I’ve come to see this not as a weakness, but as a strength, a sign that I’m connected, present, and human.
So what if we allowed ourselves to be more natural? To cry when we’re hurting, to laugh when we’re joyful, to express emotions in ways that are respectful, authentic, and human.
There is great dignity in crying, there is great power in laughter, and there is a deep connection in both.
Don’t be afraid to show your true feelings.
Let’s talk!