Trauma doesn’t always visit us during the day. Sometimes, it waits until we sleep.
Some nights, we wake with a jolt. A dream, vivid and painful, has pulled us back into a moment we thought we’d left behind.
It might not seem like it, but our brain is trying to help. Neuroscience shows that dreaming plays an active role in emotional memory processing.
When we dream, especially after emotionally charged experiences, our brain prioritises those memories to help us transform them.
Our mind is saying, “Let me hold this for you, but let me soften the edges.”
Studies reveal that dreaming about trauma can reduce its emotional sting, helping us integrate it into our story and support us in healing our past.
In Japan, they see this differently - dreams are spiritual messages.
Shinto tradition teaches us that dreams are communications from kami, divine spirits offering guidance and transformation.
Even traumatic dreams are seen as opportunities for growth.
In ancient Japan, people would sleep at sacred shrines to receive meaningful dreams. They believed that even the darkest visions could carry light, a message, a lesson, a path forward.
So the next time trauma visits you in your sleep, pause before pushing it away.
Maybe it’s your brain, or maybe it is something deeper, something spiritual, saying - “You are ready to face this, and you are not alone.”
If you have a bad dream about your trauma, reflect on it when you wake. Do you see your dream through the lens of neuroscience, as your brain trying to help? Or do you view it as spiritual, a message from something greater?
Either way, it’s a sign you’re healing.
Let’s talk!
I Was Not A Nice Person!
I’ve never considered myself a good person.
As a child, I was the one in the sandpit who wanted all the toys.
In the classroom, I made people laugh. Not out of kindness, but because I had few friends.
As a teenager, I was self-centred. As an adult, I was a dictator.
I was, well, never a good person. I still don’t consider myself one, just a work in progress.
In the last two years, I have made substantial changes. Still not perfect, I never will be - it is an ongoing journey.
But I’ve come to understand that most of what I did in life felt more wrong than right.
And the turning point came when writing my last book - I looked back on my own life to understand.
Was it poor parenting? Childhood trauma? Being the only son? Born stupid? Lacking empathy? Being self-centred?
Anger was my default setting. Behind every behaviour is a reason. When I found mine, everything fell into place.
I was angry, angry at the world, angry at anything and everything. Just plain angry.
Alcohol and drugs helped, for a short moment. Then they wore off, and I became angrier.
I was scared, a coward, too afraid to face the truth – the truth that I was different.
When I looked back, I discovered who I truly was. Someone who thinks differently, someone with a neurological difference.
And I’m happy with that, happy in the knowledge that I am different and that I can use that difference to better myself and hopefully help others.
Over recent times, I’ve shared a lot about myself. My foibles, my differences, and my struggles.
Today, I’m in a much better place. Happy with the world, and more at ease.
Thank you to those who stood by me when they shouldn’t have.
Thank you to those who supported me.
Thank you to those who picked me up when I needed it.
Looking back to understand yourself is extremely powerful. Will you take on that challenge?
Let’s talk!
You Need To Get Out of Bed!
Do you ever wake up and wish it was the weekend? Or retirement? Or simply anything but today?
Many of us open our eyes in the morning and immediately hope the day will disappear.
We lie there, staring at the ceiling, bargaining with time.
“Just five more minutes.”
“Maybe I’ll call in sick.”
“I can’t do this again.”
However, the reality is that we must get out of bed.
Not just for work, and not just for others - but for our brain, our body, and our future.
We often think motivation comes from passion or drive, but it’s deeper than that. Our brains are wired to keep us moving and achieving, thanks to the reward system and its dopamine pathways.
Not only does dopamine make us feel good, it also tags what’s worth striving for. It’s the signal that says, “This matters.”
Getting out of bed when we don’t feel like it might be even more important for brain health than when we’re excited.
Effortful decisions, the moments when we choose discomfort over ease, activate the prefrontal cortex. This is the brain’s command centre for resilience, planning, and self-regulation.
This builds mental stamina. It strengthens the circuits that help us adapt, and grow.
Even anticipating something positive, no matter how small, such as a walk, a coffee, or a smile, can boost endorphins, reduce cortisol, and increase human growth hormone.
So yes, it’s hard - and some mornings feel impossible. But every time we act, we send a message to our brain:
I’m still here.
I’m still trying.
I’m still moving forward.
And that message rewires our brain.
So the next time you wake up feeling like the weight of the world is too much, remember to keep moving forward. For ourselves, our brains, and the life we’re still building.
Let’s talk!
Elected Members of our Community need our Support.
Across Aotearoa, elected members on local boards and councils are putting themselves forward to serve their communities.
Not for fame, not for fortune, but because they care deeply. They do it for their values, for their neighbours, for the places they call home.
But something is going wrong.
These good people are being unfairly criticised, abused, and in some cases, assaulted.
The result? Communities are losing their most compassionate, values-driven representatives.
Let’s be clear - it’s not the representatives who need to change. It’s the behaviour of those causing harm.
At WARN International we’ve begun running workshops for elected members to support them in their roles.
Our first workshop helps them reconnect with the deeper reasons they chose to serve – their values, their purpose, their hope to make a difference.
The second workshop equips them to manage the unwanted behaviour of others. And for those who need more, we offer one-on-one coaching.
We would prefer not to have to run the second workshop nor the one-to-one coaching.
Every single person we’ve worked with has a huge heart. They care. And, we are losing them because of the callous unthinking behaviour of others.
If you want to support those who support you, please communicate with kindness. Understand that they are doing their best, often under immense pressure, and for very little financial reward.
Yes, a small minority of elected members may be driven by ideology rather than community needs. Yet the vast majority are there for the right reasons.
Words can hurt. Abuse can destroy. Physical violence is unacceptable and those responsible will be held to account.
Let’s talk!
Say One Kind Thing Today!
Why is it that so many people are quick to make a derogatory comment about others, yet slow to say something kind?
Is it human nature? Is it jealousy? Is it tall poppy syndrome?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. About how we seem drawn to negativity, how we read the comments, share the outrage, and for some people even join in. Why?
Maybe it’s because of our negativity bias - our survival mechanism hardwired into our brains.
We’re biologically tuned to notice threats, to remember the bad more than the good. It is what helped our ancestors stay alive.
But in today’s world, it can make us hyper-aware of flaws, mistakes and imperfections, both in others and in ourselves.
Maybe it’s because hurting people tend to hurt people, and who’s not hurting right now?
When someone lashes out, it often says more about their pain than the person they’re targeting. It’s a cry for help disguised as criticism.
We don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle.
Neuroscience tells us that positive words and thoughts can literally rewire our brains. Holding a kind word in your mind activates the frontal lobe, the part of the brain responsible for empathy, reasoning and action.
Over time, this can shift how we see ourselves and others.
So what if, instead of tearing people down, we lifted them up? What if we made a habit of saying the good - the compliments we think but don’t share, the admiration we feel but keep to ourselves?
What would happen if we chose to be kind, even when it’s hard to?
I believe we’d feel better, I believe others would too, and I believe the ripple effect could be profound.
So here’s my challenge to you - say one kind thing to someone today. Not because they need it (although they might), but because you do.
Be the one who breaks the cycle.
Let’s talk!