I’ve never considered myself a good person.
As a child, I was the one in the sandpit who wanted all the toys.
In the classroom, I made people laugh. Not out of kindness, but because I had few friends.
As a teenager, I was self-centred. As an adult, I was a dictator.
I was, well, never a good person. I still don’t consider myself one, just a work in progress.
In the last two years, I have made substantial changes. Still not perfect, I never will be - it is an ongoing journey.
But I’ve come to understand that most of what I did in life felt more wrong than right.
And the turning point came when writing my last book - I looked back on my own life to understand.
Was it poor parenting? Childhood trauma? Being the only son? Born stupid? Lacking empathy? Being self-centred?
Anger was my default setting. Behind every behaviour is a reason. When I found mine, everything fell into place.
I was angry, angry at the world, angry at anything and everything. Just plain angry.
Alcohol and drugs helped, for a short moment. Then they wore off, and I became angrier.
I was scared, a coward, too afraid to face the truth – the truth that I was different.
When I looked back, I discovered who I truly was. Someone who thinks differently, someone with a neurological difference.
And I’m happy with that, happy in the knowledge that I am different and that I can use that difference to better myself and hopefully help others.
Over recent times, I’ve shared a lot about myself. My foibles, my differences, and my struggles.
Today, I’m in a much better place. Happy with the world, and more at ease.
Thank you to those who stood by me when they shouldn’t have.
Thank you to those who supported me.
Thank you to those who picked me up when I needed it.
Looking back to understand yourself is extremely powerful. Will you take on that challenge?
Let’s talk!
I Was Not A Nice Person!