Everyone has an opinion about everything.
Some keep their thoughts to themselves, others express them politely, and a few will let everyone know exactly what they think - sometimes done in ways that upset others, whether intentionally or not.
As crisis negotiators, we are trained to see the world from the other person’s perspective.
To do this, we explore their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Not by interrogating, but by asking open questions.
And we never ask “why.” For why is a blame word. Instead, we ask, “What is the reason?” That small shift opens doors.
Every organisation is limited by the knowledge and experiences of those within it. This can restrict their ability to respond efficiently and effectively.
When I was in the New Zealand Police, I was selected to oversee the practical application of the witness protection programme.
I was excited as this was a sought-after role. But I was also nervous. These were specialist operators, a small group of elite personnel, always armed, always on alert.
I didn’t know how they did their job, so I started asking questions: “Why do you do this? Why do you do that?” Coming from my previous role with Professional Standards, the unit that oversees police conduct, I was met with suspicion.
One officer even told me he thought I was a plant, sent to catch them out.
So, I changed my approach. I stopped asking “why” and started asking, “What is the reason?”
Suddenly, the purpose of my questions became clear. They opened up, sharing the rationale behind their methods.
I offered alternative ideas, and together we explored new ways of doing things.
Sometimes they’d explain why a change wouldn’t work; other times, they’d see a better way forward.
This new lens, this willingness to look at things differently, motivated them to keep asking themselves, “Is there a better way?”
We are all limited by our own knowledge and experiences. Organisations are no different.
We rely on policies and procedures to keep us safe and shield us from criticism. But this can reinforce the idea that our way is the only way, and everyone else is wrong.
If you’re stuck, reacting instead of acting, or quick to judge, take a moment to seek someone else’s perspective.
You might find a solution. You might find a better way. You might even find that you were wrong.
Try looking at things through a kaleidoscope, using as many lenses as possible.
You just never know what you might discover.
Let’s talk!
Getting Through The Night!
When it seems that everyone else is fast asleep, we lie awake.
Nighttime can be lonely for those who cannot sleep. Demons tend to come in the dark because of the quiet during the night.
I have always been a worrier and never a warrior. I picked it up from my mother, she had a big heart and always worried about everything.
At the age of 16 I hardly slept, barely getting enough sleep to get by. Alcohol and substance abuse to try and get to sleep.
Medication is never the solution; it only adds to the unwanted cycle of worry and despair.
Fast forward 30 years, and, once again, sleep evaded me as I dove into depression. Self-medication was the automatic default.
Lying awake at nighttime is desperately lonely, for you are the only one who is suffering. Yet, there are many others who struggle to sleep; you are not as alone as you think.
Fast forward to the present. Sleep still evades me on occasion, particularly when hit by a setback.
Having studied sleep and trialed many methods of getting to sleep, we have compiled a document on how to achieve a better night's sleep. It is yours free of charge, available on our website.
For me, the number one way of dealing with a sleepless night is to accept it, accept that I will have a sleepless night.
Acceptance brings an anchor. The night will be a roller-coaster of high anxiety and, on occasion, calmness. And that is where I find sanctuary.
Remember this - if you are struggling with sleep, know you will get through the night. It is just your thoughts keeping you awake, and those thoughts cannot hurt us unless we allow them to; they are ours to control.
Become a warrior and work through your thoughts until you find calm.
The sun will come up, and you can now work on what's actually worrying you, not what you thought was worrying you.
Let’s talk!
Workplace Culture!
We talk a lot about positive culture in workplaces, but what does that actually mean?
Culture doesn’t just come from a vision, a mission statement, or a list of values.
Nor is it a morning tea, a team-building day, or a celebration of success.
It’s how people behave when no one’s watching, how we respond under pressure, and how we treat each other when things go wrong.
At WARN International, we approach culture through the lens of neuroscience and behavioural awareness.
A truly positive culture starts with individuals understanding their own triggers, emotional responses, and patterns of behaviour.
You can’t dictate culture, but you can promote it, model it, and call out poor practices when they arise.
So how do we change culture?
Here are 5 practical steps we use to build inclusive, engaging, and resilient teams:
1. Name it to tame it - Teach people to recognise their emotional triggers and to control them.
2. Model micro-moments of safety – Culture changes through small, consistent actions. A calm tone, a genuine check-in, or a pause before reacting can rewire team dynamics.
3. Call out the behaviour, not the people – Use language that separates the person from the action. This promotes accountability without shame and encourages growth over defensiveness.
4. Create space for genuine conversations – Psychological safety isn’t built in meetings; it is built in moments of vulnerability. Make room for people to speak up, share ideas, and to admit mistakes.
5. Reward the right things – Recognise behaviours that align with your values, not just performance outcomes. What gets rewarded gets repeated.
Culture isn’t a one-off initiative. It’s a living system, a moving phenomenon, a continuous process.
Culture is largely about people’s behaviour; it is the biggest driver.
Change the behaviour to change the culture, one small step at a time, just as we do when changing our own behaviour.
Let’s talk!
Write It Down!
During a presentation last week for Survey & Spatial, someone shared that they’d been told not to write lists.
They were told that remembering tasks keeps the brain active.
It made me pause. For me, writing things down doesn’t make me lazy or forgetful - it makes me free.
Free of the brain loop, free of unnecessary information, free to think of other things.
Neuroscience backs this up.
Writing by hand with a pen activates multiple brain regions, including the hippocampus, visual cortices, and frontal areas. More so than typing or trying to remember.
Writing boosts memory encoding, comprehension, and even creativity.
In fact, writing is a form of external cognition; it offloads mental clutter so your brain can focus on what matters.
When we write, we engage in a deeper cognitive process. We summarise, reflect, and connect.
That’s why ideas often pop into our heads while writing. The act itself stimulates the brain’s default mode network, the part responsible for imagination and spontaneous thought.
Writing down goals, vividly and intentionally, increases the likelihood of achieving them by up to 40%.
Why? Because writing triggers the generation effect, where we remember and act on things we’ve created ourselves.
As part of my positive psychology studies, I wrote down a simple intention: Spend more time with people and take a genuine interest.
As an introvert, this was uncomfortable. But something changed recently, and I found myself asking someone I’ve known for years what they were up to.
They looked surprised and asked, “Why are you asking what I am up to?”
That moment hit me, I realised I’d been unconsciously connecting with people. Not because I was forcing it, but because I’d written it down.
Writing helps us:
* Reduce cognitive load and stress.
* Spark creativity and insight.
* Improve focus and comprehension.
* Achieve goals through deeper encoding.
* Feel progress through dopamine hits when we tick things off.
So yes, write. Write the list, write the goal, write the intention.
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll discover something about yourself you didn’t know was there.
Let’s talk and let’s write!
Burnout!
It was burnout that started my decline into depression, a major contributor.
For me, it felt like a heavy weight pushing me down when I first woke up. No energy to get out of bed, and yet, I had to.
There were people waiting for me, there were people needing me.
The self-talk starts – “You always had energy, you could always be relied upon. Be a man, harden up, what is wrong with you?”
"I can do this, I can push myself to get out of bed, I can push myself to go back to work, I can push myself however far you need me to be," became my response.
What does burnout feel like? It is lonely, isolating, overwhelming, debilitating, and something you can't just snap out of. You can push as hard as you want, but you can never get that energy back.
But still, you have to keep going, that is, until something breaks - and you feel powerless.
The biggest contributor to workplace burnout is a feeling of loss of control over your workload, which causes chronic stress.
I was told I was unable to take leave due to ‘operational requirements’ -and this continued until I had accrued seven months of annual leave.
The stream of files that needed to be investigated, as each one had a victim or victims who rightfully needed an outcome.
The mandated training, the files for court, the covert operations, the special events, the media interviews… and so it goes.
How will you know if you are suffering from burnout? You will know.
Common signs of burnout include feelings of no control, difficulty getting out of bed, feeling disengaged and cynical at work, a lack of satisfaction with your job, being less productive, difficulty concentrating for long periods, and no energy whatsoever.
If you have the opportunity, take a few days off work, do so, and see how you feel. Just taking a complete break over the weekend as much as you can may be helpful.
If resting helps and you are feeling in control, then you might just be fatigued. If you have any of the above signs and are unable to sleep, please speak with a specialist - a GP is a good place to start.
It may seem selfish of you to rest, that's how it felt for me. It is not selfish; rest is a necessary part of revitalisation. We are not robots.
As for work, if you are unable to negotiate your workload with your boss, leave a copy of this post on their desk. I am happy to take their phone call or email.
Let's talk!