Everyone has an opinion about everything.
Some keep their thoughts to themselves, others express them politely, and a few will let everyone know exactly what they think - sometimes done in ways that upset others, whether intentionally or not.
As crisis negotiators, we are trained to see the world from the other person’s perspective.
To do this, we explore their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Not by interrogating, but by asking open questions.
And we never ask “why.” For why is a blame word. Instead, we ask, “What is the reason?” That small shift opens doors.
Every organisation is limited by the knowledge and experiences of those within it. This can restrict their ability to respond efficiently and effectively.
When I was in the New Zealand Police, I was selected to oversee the practical application of the witness protection programme.
I was excited as this was a sought-after role. But I was also nervous. These were specialist operators, a small group of elite personnel, always armed, always on alert.
I didn’t know how they did their job, so I started asking questions: “Why do you do this? Why do you do that?” Coming from my previous role with Professional Standards, the unit that oversees police conduct, I was met with suspicion.
One officer even told me he thought I was a plant, sent to catch them out.
So, I changed my approach. I stopped asking “why” and started asking, “What is the reason?”
Suddenly, the purpose of my questions became clear. They opened up, sharing the rationale behind their methods.
I offered alternative ideas, and together we explored new ways of doing things.
Sometimes they’d explain why a change wouldn’t work; other times, they’d see a better way forward.
This new lens, this willingness to look at things differently, motivated them to keep asking themselves, “Is there a better way?”
We are all limited by our own knowledge and experiences. Organisations are no different.
We rely on policies and procedures to keep us safe and shield us from criticism. But this can reinforce the idea that our way is the only way, and everyone else is wrong.
If you’re stuck, reacting instead of acting, or quick to judge, take a moment to seek someone else’s perspective.
You might find a solution. You might find a better way. You might even find that you were wrong.
Try looking at things through a kaleidoscope, using as many lenses as possible.
You just never know what you might discover.
Let’s talk!
We See Things Through our Own Eyes!