How to Manage Challenging Conversations Effectively
🧠 Start by preparing yourself.
Understand your own emotional triggers and how you’re likely to respond. Self-awareness is the foundation for staying grounded when things get difficult.
🎯 Set clear objectives so you know what outcome you're aiming for.
Before the conversation, ask yourself: What do I want to achieve? A clear goal helps you stay focused and keeps the discussion on the right track.
🛡️ Create a safe environment where the other person feels heard and respected.
People are more likely to open up when they feel psychologically safe. Show them that their perspective matters, and acknowledge what they’ve said or done without judgment.
👂 Listen first, without interrupting.
Focus on fully understanding their perspective before offering your own. Most people aren’t looking for immediate solutions — they want to feel heard.
🧘 Stay calm and composed by managing your breathing.
Slow, steady breaths help regulate your emotions so you can focus on the issue — not the person. Composure invites calm, even when the conversation gets tense.
☝️ Try to avoid using the word ‘I’ — it’s not about you.
Phrases like “It seems that...”, “It would appear that...”, or “How do you think...?” shift the focus to shared understanding rather than personal opinion. This helps reduce defensiveness and keeps the conversation constructive.
🗣️ Let them lead the conversation where possible.
Giving the other person a sense of control can ease tension. Follow their lead with gentle questions or reflective comments that show you’re genuinely engaged.
💭 You can express your thoughts — just choose your words carefully.
Share your perspective using language that’s neutral and non-accusatory. Avoid blame, and focus on observations or feelings rather than assumptions or judgments.
🤝 Seek common ground to build a foundation for resolution.
Look for areas where you both agree, no matter how small. Finding shared understanding creates trust and makes it easier to work through disagreements together.
🔄 Be open to feedback and willing to adjust.
Accept constructive criticism without defensiveness. Sometimes the issue might stem from your own actions or approach — being flexible shows respect and helps move the conversation forward.
📅 Follow up a few days later to check-in.
Make sure the conversation led to clear, actionable steps and that mutual respect and understanding continue. This reinforces commitment and helps prevent issues from lingering.
Challenging conversations are never easy, but with the right approach, they can be resolved with minimal stress for both parties.
What conversations do you find the most difficult?
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We Never Fail, We Learn & Understand!
A wise person once told me that to be in business you need to be resilient. You need to be more than that, you need to be neuroplastic.
Being in business is tough - figuring out how to expand, how to meet the market and how to stay ahead.
Resilience is about adapting to situations more than getting back up once we fall.
So often we feel that we have failed when we do not meet our own expectations. Much worse, we feel like a total failure in everything we do.
I was recently told I was unsuccessful for a large piece of work that I had been hoping to secure. It was difficult to hear after so much effort and passion.
Why did I not get the contract, where did I go wrong, and what was it about me that they didn’t like?
Feeling like a failure can stem from various factors, always intertwined with our thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
👉 Unrealistic Expectations – Setting goals that are too high or unattainable.
👉 Comparison with Others – Comparing ourselves to others can make us feel inadequate, especially if we perceive others as more successful.
👉 Negative Self-Talk – Harsh self-criticism and focusing on our shortcomings can reinforce feelings of failure.
👉 Perfectionism – Striving for perfection can create a fear of failure and make any mistake feel like a significant setback.
👉 External Pressure – Expectations in society can contribute to feelings of failure if we feel we aren't meeting those standards.
If left unchecked, we can very soon find ourselves down a dark hole and get stuck there. Very few good things happen in the dark! It is lonely, hollow, emotionless, a void of despair. This is not the way to recover.
There is a way forward - and it looks like this:
👉 Recognise the Inner Critic: The first step is to notice the negative thoughts and patterns.
👉 Challenge Negative Thoughts: Question the validity of the critical thoughts. Are they based on facts or assumptions or would you say the same things to a friend?
👉 Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a loved one.
👉 Reframe Your Thoughts: Replace negative thoughts with realistic ones.
👉 Focus on Strengths: Make a list of your strengths and achievements.
You are not a failure; it was just not the right opportunity at this time. Life rarely gives just one chance - more opportunities will come, perhaps some even better than you imagined.
We never fail, we learn. Our strongest lessons come from our toughest times.
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Is This The Most Powerful Leadership Tool Ever?
A few years ago in a previous career, I was frustrated with a colleague’s negative attitude towards everything.
You name it, there was something bad to say about it.
I kept thinking, 'Why can’t they just be more professional?' ‘How can I change them?’
Then I read a quote that changed everything: 'How are you behaving in that relationship?'
It hit me hard. I was so focused on what they were doing wrong, I hadn’t stopped to reflect on how my own behaviour might be contributing to the situation.
Focusing on our own behaviour is the most powerful leadership tool we possess.
We can’t control others, but we can influence them. And that influence starts with how we behave towards them.
Are we listening or just waiting to speak? Are we reacting or simply responding? Are we modelling the values we expect from others?
The ripple effect is real. When we show up with empathy, accountability and integrity, others often rise to meet us.
Pause. Breathe out. Reflect. Adjust your own behaviour first.
You might be surprised at how much changes around you.
Let’s talk!
We All Make Mistakes.
Many of us have done things that we wish we hadn't, and we get reminded of our mistakes every so often. The greater the emotional attachment we have to the mistake, the more likely it is that we will continue to beat ourselves up about it.
It is said that we should make amends by apologising, repairing, or showing penance for our error. In addition to this, it can be helpful to:
👉 Promise yourself not to make the same mistake again.
👉 Work on yourself to ensure the mistake is not repeated.
👉 Help others who find themselves in the same situation as you.
When you make a mistake look at it for what it is, a mistake. No mistake is so big that you can't move on from it. Feel the emotion, make a plan for moving forward, visualise working through the plan, and take action on the first step. Each time you do this it gets much easier.
Mistakes are a part of life, and life is never a straight line.
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There Are Two Kinds Of Dreams.
There are two kinds of dreams, the ones at night while the brain goes through its natural defrag process, and the ones in which we look ahead to a future event that seems beyond our reach.
The latter type of dream is helpful in many ways. They excite us, they motivate us, they inspire us, and they give us direction or purpose.
Dreams are more than just goals - they are beyond what we might otherwise think that we can achieve.
Goals are great, I am a big proponent of setting goals whilst also letting them restrict us. It is said that goals should be SMART, and that's okay for work. Personal goals work far better if they stretch us and we dare to dream what we could truly achieve.
Sometimes, we achieve dreams without even realising that we had ever dreamed them. They come in moments of reflection. These moments happen to me at times when I am just about to go on stage.
I left school aged 15 without any qualifications, that's the earliest you were permitted to leave.
I rose in my chosen career to become a construction manager with a bright future, then decided to join the police at the age of 35.
Following a bout of depression mid-career, I rose to a very senior rank with another bright future - only to leave at the age of 56 to start a business from scratch.
Dreams are not foolish, dreams are not for the dreamers, and dreams certainly are not a waste of energy.
And, sometimes dreams come true without you even knowing that they were ever a dream of yours.
How did I ever get here? In the same way that you can, keep moving forward. So, what is your dream, for they can indeed come true!
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