"Who do you think you are? You don’t have the skills. What if you cause harm? You’re nothing better than a simple builder."
During a workshop for over 500 forestry workers in Canada, I had a mild panic attack.
At the end of every presentation, I guide the audience through a breathing technique with their eyes closed. Halfway through, I stop counting, and they continue on their own.
Three years into my consultancy and coaching business, with a Master of Arts and two Diplomas in Human Behaviour through neuroscience, I looked up at the audience and felt a rush of self-doubt.
After my presentation, the conference organiser said, "You hit that out of the ballpark."
But self-doubt persisted. "Did I really? Was everyone helped? Did I cause harm?"
Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where we doubt our accomplishments and fear being exposed as frauds.
Despite success, we often feel undeserving, attributing achievements to luck or external factors.
From a neuroscience perspective, imposter syndrome involves:
🧠 Elevated Cortisol Levels: Constant worry triggers the amygdala, releasing cortisol, leading to anxiety and health issues.
🧠 Reduced Neurotransmitter Levels: Low serotonin and dopamine levels affect mood and satisfaction.
🧠 Evolutionary Roots: Traits like social comparison and threat detection, once adaptive, now contribute to feelings of inadequacy.
Personal factors include:
👉 Perfectionism: Setting high standards and feeling like a failure when not met.
👉 Family Dynamics: Growing up with high achievement expectations or constant comparison.
👉 Work Environment: High-pressure jobs exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.
👉 Personality Traits: Anxiety, neuroticism, and low self-esteem are linked to imposter syndrome.
👉 Social Context: Being in a minority group or feeling different from peers.
To reduce imposter syndrome:
✔️ Recognize and Acknowledge: Understand it's common among high achievers.
✔️ Gather Evidence of Success: Keep a record of achievements and positive feedback.
✔️ Set Realistic Goals: Define success clearly and celebrate small victories.
✔️ Seek Support: Talk to mentors, colleagues, or friends about your feelings.
✔️ Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself; mistakes do not define your worth.
We all have feelings of self-doubt. You are not an imposter, it is your brain that is an imposter, so tell it to sit back down. You’ve got this.
Let's talk!
I Wish That I was Tougher!
I Wish I Was Tougher!
When down in the dark hole of depression, I often thought about how my life might be different if I was tougher.
If I was tougher, making mistakes would just be a part of life and I might just learn from them.
If I was tougher, I could manage a heavy mental workload and not worry about burnout.
If I was tougher, those things I had to see and do would be quickly forgotten, never would they return to haunt me.
If I was tougher, those times I was bullied would be laughed off, dismissed as simply coming from someone who is hurting.
If I was tougher, I would be able to ignore hurtful comments, just brush them aside.
But I’m not tougher, I’m not harder, I am not stronger, I am a person.
A person that has emotions, a person that cares about what people say and do, a person with a heart that hurts.
In my long years I’ve come to realise that it is the things that hurt us that make us who we are.
They say it’s not about how we fall but how we get back up that matters the most. Not for me, not in my world.
For me it is about the fall. We fell because we cared, we fell because we were hurt, we fell because we had a heart.
Never ever wish you were tougher, never ever wish you were harder, never ever wish you were stronger.
For you are a beautiful person with a big heart. And the world needs more of us, now never more than ever.
Let’s talk!
Dark Thoughts!
Have you ever lay in bed in the early hours of the morning replaying the number of times that you failed at something? Your brain becomes a highlight reel of every awkward moment, failure, or thing you wish you’d done differently.
It is very common, and I call it - shoulda, coulda, gonna, wanna.
I should have done this...
I could have done that...
I’m going to do this...
I want to do that...
Whenever our brain decides that we haven’t done as well as ‘it’ thinks we should have, it will replay what happened as a way of improving for next time.
More lately, for me, these negative thoughts have dived into darker thoughts. I have a strong inner critic.
Dark thoughts can be distressing and can include feelings of hopelessness, sadness, or anxiety.
These thoughts may feel overwhelming thus making it difficult to focus on the positive aspects of what occurred.
It is important to remember that experiencing negative or dark thoughts doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. It is our brain’s way of keeping us safe.
Seeking support from trained professionals is very helpful in managing and overcoming them.
Cognitive reframing is an option you might try if you cannot get immediate professional help.
Cognitive reframing involves identifying negative thought patterns and consciously replacing them with more balanced and constructive perspectives. This process can help rewire the brain to think more positively.
1. Thought Records – Keep a journal and write down your negative thoughts, the situations that triggered them, and the emotions you felt. Then, challenge these thoughts by looking for evidence that supports or contradicts them.
2. Positive Reframing – Find a positive angle in a negative situation. For example, if you make a mistake at work, instead of thinking "I'm a failure," reframe it as "This is an opportunity to improve my skills".
3. Perspective-Taking – Imagine how someone else might view the same situation. This can help you see things more objectively and reduce the emotional impact.
4. De-catastrophising – When you find yourself thinking about the worst-case scenario, ask yourself how likely it is to happen and what you would do if it did.
5. Reattribution – Instead of blaming yourself entirely for a negative outcome, consider other factors that may have contributed.
Neuroscience shows that we can retrain our brain from the original hard wiring of our stem. Methods that we were gifted in early times to keep us safe like worry, overthinking and catastrophising.
Know that if you are having shoulda, coulda, gonna, wanna thoughts - you are not strange, you are not crazy, and you are not alone.
We are all unique, yet none of us are different.
Let’s talk!
I meet very few people who say they have a balanced life and wouldn't change a thing.
For most, there is an ongoing struggle between work and home where one seems to overpower the other. A lot of this struggle has to do with the unfair demands that we place on ourselves.
Who are we trying to keep up with, and is it worth it?
When you look at it all laid out in a graphic like this, it’s no wonder we feel stretched. Perhaps the real challenge isn’t just the juggling act, but the quiet pressure we put on ourselves to carry it all. The expectations we carry (many of them self-imposed) don’t leave much room to just be.
Maybe it’s less about doing more, and more about being honest with what’s truly sustainable?
Let’s talk!
Anxiety is a Worry!
A selfish post about my third book – Anxiety is a Worry
Anxiety can feel like a storm raging inside, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
It's that constant knot in our stomach, the racing thoughts that won't let us rest with the fear of the unknown that keeps us on edge.
Anxiety is waking up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, unable to catch our breath. It's the weight on our chest that makes it hard to move, to think, to breathe!
Amid the chaos, it’s worth remembering: we’re not alone. So many others are fighting the same battles, even when it feels like we’re the only one.
They say that it's okay to feel this way.
That it's okay to ask for help.
That it's okay to take a step back and breathe.
There are moments of light, of peace, of strength. Remember those moments, you can if you try.
Anxiety impacts in several ways:
❤️🩹 Physical Symptoms – There can be a constant feeling of restlessness or being, on edge and sometimes even muscle tension or headaches.
❤️🩹Mental Strain: Our mind is in overdrive, constantly worrying about the future or replaying past events.
❤️🩹Emotional Turmoil: We feel a range of intense emotions, from fear and dread to irritability and frustration. There might be moments of overwhelming sadness.
❤️🩹Social Impact: Socialising can be daunting, worrying excessively about what others think of you or fear of judgment and rejection.
❤️🩹Daily Challenges: Simple tasks can feel monumental. Getting out of bed, showering, going to school or work all seem too much.
❤️🩹Sleep Disturbances: We have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restless nights filled with vivid dreams or nightmares.
You will get through this; you can overcome this and there are many ways of doing so.
The first step is seeking professional help. Then, it is a matter of finding what works for you through trial, after trial, after trial.
We are all stronger than we think we are - if we learn to silence the chatter and calm our minds.
Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one breath at a time. It all adds up.
Let’s talk!