Eat Your Cake, There's Plenty More!

Listening to the radio yesterday, I heard someone being interviewed regarding salary negotiations say to the interviewer "They expect to have their cake and eat it too". I immediately thought, apart from what a stupid saying, isn't that what cake is for?

I get what the interviewee was saying, you can't have it all ways, but why can't you was my next thought. The world is a big place, there's plenty of opportunity for those who want it, there's more than enough to go around, one person can't have it all.

And yes, I get that some people may not be able to go and get what they want. It is sad that in today's world there are an increasing number of people that, for whatever reason, may not be able to excel. Perhaps then it is up to the majority of us to help those who cannot excel. I ask you this, wouldn't you be in a better position help those who can't get ahead if you excelled?

Don't allow others (or yourself) to hold you back. Provided you aren't doing anything illegal or unethical, then why shouldn't you have everything that you want.

Here's a quick guide that might help you;

• Have a think about what you want or where you want to be in five years. Ten years is probably too far ahead to look in this constant changing world.
• Work out what you have to do to get there - academic studies, gain practical experience, move to another company, read books, whatever it takes to gain the necessary knowledge, skills and attributes to achieve your goal.
• Then break the actions into smaller chunks, six to twelve month periods is a good guide, and take immediate action while it is fresh in your mind.

The biggest thing I believe is to remain open to new ideas and a new direction. Long gone are the days of adhering rigidly to your plan, opportunity comes in many forms and without time frames so be open to them. Modify your plan if need be but keep heading in a forward direction with the positive momentum that you started with.

There will be times when you get tired, when you wonder why you are working so hard for seemingly little reward, when you see others getting ahead who aren't working as hard as you are, when perhaps you will lose interest or become fatigued. That's natural.

Nothing comes easy and if it does, it never lasts. Take a break, reassess, refocus, and get back on track when you feel the urge and have the energy to do so.

The world is limitless. We put roadblocks on opportunity because our brain has a negative bias. We start to question ourselves, to question our abilities, to question the timing, and we make up things that aren't even there before we have started.

We begin to look at the risks rather than the rewards. We look at the immediate risks rather than the long-term gains.

My question for you is "What are you waiting for?" There is no starting line, no right time, no one to say "Okay you are good to go". Now is the time to start. Not this year, not this month, not this week, today. Sit down right now and work out what you want, how you are going to get there and then take action, today.

What are you waiting for? Of course you can have your cake and eat it, and there's plenty more once you have finished that piece.

Are You Ready For 2017?

Welcome to 2017. I love the beginning of the year as I look at what I want to achieve across the next 12 months. And I relish the opportunity that each new day brings.

Here's 10 tips that I have learned from successful people about how to get the most out of the year to achieve all that you want to achieve;

1. Stay true to yourself - first and foremost you must stay true to yourself. Stick rigidly to your own values, to your ethics, and to your beliefs. Don't allow others to influence these core cornerstones, stay strong and true.
2. Be flexible - while it is good to have a set of goals or a business plan to guide you and help you 'stay the course', you should also be flexible with your goals and plans. Richard Branson said it very well, "If someone asks if you can do something, say yes, then figure it out."
3. Take it one step at a time - you have your plan, your big picture, the goal of what you want to achieve. Now break it down into smaller steps and work on each step one step at a time. Every now and then look up to your plan but don't let it overawe you, only look up to see how far you have come then go back to the small step. Importantly, take that first step.
4. Maintain control of your thoughts - do not allow your brain to control your negative thoughts. We all need to worry, that's what keeps us safe. The problem is that we worry about the wrong things. Worry has been triggered by something necessary so write it down and work out what it is that underlies your worry to find the answer. Additionally, don't let jealousy creep in when you see someone getting ahead or doing something similar to what you do. Use that as motivation to do better.
5. Surround yourself with good people - look to those who have been there before you and use their experience and wisdom. Talk to them about your fears, your problems, and your worries. Collaboration is the key to success in 2017, work with others to advance each other. A word of caution on this one, take care that you choose the right people to surround yourself with. In business, strong ethics is important.
6. Learn and develop - you have to look after yourself first before you can look after others. Keep yourself up to date with the latest trends, the latest research, and the newest methods. Professional development is imperative in today's ever-changing world. Successful people train all three key areas - physical, academic and mental skills. Keep fit, study for academic qualifications and work on your mental skills associated with the thought process.
7. Keep going - perseverance is often the key. History shows us that many success stories have come from those who kept going no matter what the setback or adversity they faced. Mistakes happen, keep going. Review your goals and plans every so often to see if they remain relevant if you aren't achieving what you set out to do.
8. Believe in 'you' - Research reveals that many successful people often do not believe that they should be where they are today. They remain full of self-doubt and hold a fear that they might be found out as a fraud. This is natural. Believe in yourself and that you are where you are today because of your skills and that you are where you are today because others believed in you. You've got this!
9. Give it everything - fully commit yourself to achieve your goals or plans. "The harder I work the luckier I get" is a good mantra. Being fully committed will help to reduce self-doubt, will control your negative thoughts, and will provide the greatest opportunity for success.
10. Get the balance right - we all need to rest, to take time out, to refocus and reassess, to stay grounded. Take time off and away from your business whenever you need to. There are no hard-and-fast rules, be guided by what you 'feel' is right. There are negative consequences for working too hard; loss of enjoyment, loss of family, loss of friends, and ultimately burnout. There is little point in doing all of the above to succeed if you fall at the last hurdle from overwork.

I wish you the very best for 2017. What this year brings for you in your career or business is up to you. Make it a great year.

The Influence of Social Media.

The rise of social media has been phenomenal over recent times. I suggest more so than anyone could have predicted. Evidence is overwhelming that social media has a strong influence on us all, both positively and negatively.

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter that helps control our reward and pleasure system, is released when we use social media in certain ways. It gives us pleasure when we write something and others like it, just like I am doing now.

Dopamine is also released into our brain when we read something that resonates with us and can strongly influence our behaviour.

Social media is a wonderful tool that allows us to make contact with people instantly anywhere in the world. We can also use social media to inform and to educate, we can view and what our friends and family are doing, we can even buy products through social media.

The majority of people use social media with respect, for the most part anyway. We know which sources of information to trust and we know to search other sources to confirm what we have just viewed or read to confirm the veracity of the article if we have doubt.

The majority of us also know that if we use social media too much it can be detrimental to our mental well-being. For some however, this is not the case. For some, everything that they read IS the truth and influences their thoughts, views, and behaviour.

By example, just seven years ago when I studied radicalisation, young people who were feeling disaffected and disconnected would seek out information in a hope of finding a solution to their social disconnection. Once they identified what they thought was a solution to their dilemma, they sought people of similar minds to interact with.

Young disaffected people would go to their mosque, to university, to gymnasiums, to any place where people of similar dispositions would congregate. For the majority of those disaffected people, they would find salvation through human social connections.

To become fully radicalsied only a few years ago, there had to be human-to-human connection. This is no longer the case. Some people, the younger ones in particular, can be strongly influenced by what they read and view on social media.

Those who regulate social media have an obligation. They have an obligation to regulate and control what is distributed on their platform. If an editor of a newspaper allowed fictitious or inappropriate material to be printed, they would be held to account. The obligations on social media moderators is no different in my opinion.

Articles posted on social media should be done so with the mindset that the article WILL strongly influence the reader.

Allowing videos of people committing suicide to be uploaded, viewed and distributed on social media is one such posting that is not only abhorrent, it has the ability to influence those who may be in a similar disposition as the person in the video.

It is said that there is a fine line between freedom of speech and overbearing control. In my opinion this is an argument always used when inappropriate material is aired in a public forum. It is an argument used by those who push the boundaries of decency and respect.

In a medium that has been shown to strongly influence others, there needs to be strong control.

Miscommunication Across The Generations - My Personal View.

There is no doubt that older generations sometimes have difficulty understanding younger generations when communicating with them, and vice versa. Communication style and the words that we use has changed dramatically over the last 30 years due to advances in technology, mobile phones being the primary culprit.

With the advent of text messaging in the early 1990's, we were restricted in how many words we could use in our message. Plus, we had to strike the #1 button three times to reach the letter 'C' then we had to wait for the cursor to move forward before we entered the next character.

This resulted in our words becoming abbreviated and our sentences much shorter which then carried across into our verbal communication.

As technology advanced, we no longer had to meet with people; we could now send them messages in the form of an email, video, photo, shorter message, emoticon and GIF file to express what we might previously have said face-to-face or on the phone. We still have a phone with us but would now much rather send them our message in electronic format.

As each generation was born, the uptake on electronic communications was swift resulting in reduced face-to-face interaction and the inability to learn acceptable social skills such as seeking clarification if there is a misunderstanding.

Other social skills such as your-turn-my-turn, debating, appropriately challenging what was said, and and showing facial expressions all diminished.

A small number of the experienced generation continued with their existing communication style and words, some of which are no longer acceptable in today's world. I am one of these experienced generation and sometimes say inappropriate things unconsciously because it was acceptable when I was learning and growing up. It is not until it is brought to my attention that I realise what I had said was inappropriate. This, for me, is a lifelong habit which is often hard to break.

The fault in miscommunication across the generations rests with us all, regardless of our generation, but mostly it rests with the older generation. Most of the younger generation do not like face-to-face communication conflict. Instead, they would rather express their frustrations later on, often through social media.

What we, as the experienced generation, once said to each other which was appropriate is now rightly considered to be viewed as bullying, racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. We, the older generation, need to change the words that we use and the way that we express ourselves.

It's not political correctness, it is just correctness.

Furthermore, it is incumbent upon us as the 'experienced' generation to educate the younger generation on how to communicate appropriately when they wish to seek clarification or to challenge what was said. It is up to us as the experienced communicators to show the younger generations the many benefits of communicating face-to-face in a manner which is non-confrontational.

Not all blame can be laid at the feet of the experienced generation. Younger generations need to change what they say and the way in which they say it. Mostly, they need to spend more time talking with people face-to-face and not electronically.

The only way that we can bring the generations together to avoid generational miscommunication is to talk more. Let's talk more.

Judge Me Not, Life Happens.

You might think that you know someone, please know that you do not, no matter how long or how close you have known them. We sometimes look at someone and think "I know you, you are this type of person so I will put you in this box". Or we might think "Why can't I be like you", for whatever reason that might be.

We often judge people on looks, not consciously, subconsciously. That's how we once survived, wary of danger.

Each of us is the same yet very different. We are born into the human race, and apart from some genetic differences, for the most part we are all the same. And then 'life' happens - we each grow up with different experiences, having different emotions, and learning different lessons.

No matter who you are - from a rough sleeper to a CEO, from a cleaner to a senior manager, from a corporate leader to a student - we are all the same yet slightly different.

What got us to where we are today, life. What made us different, life. What makes each of us special, life.

Some of us were privileged and born into greatness while others were born into hardship. Some of us experience good fortune while others never seem to make any headway no matter how hard we work. Some of us are lucky while others not quite so much. Some of us got through life unscathed while others of us suffered great tragedy.

Yet we are all humans, the same but different, because of life.

When you first see me, please don't judge me, please don't think that you know me, please don't put me into 'that box'. Please stop and take the time to ask me about me. Talk to me, find out about me while I find out about you. Often, we will be thinking the same thing, other times not quite the same, but by talking we will now know what the other is thinking.

Please don't judge me for who you think that I am, because I am not that person. I am me and there is no other like me. And that's because of life.

I do not need your sympathy, your empathy, your compassion, or your pity. I do not need your adoration, your praise, your applause, or your promotion. I simply need you to listen and to learn about me.

I ask you to have an open mind without judging me. I need you to talk with me, as one human being to another on an equal footing. Then, and only then, will know me. Then I give you permission to judge me.

I wish I had known then what I know now. Let's talk more.