Miscommunication Across The Generations - My Personal View.

There is no doubt that older generations sometimes have difficulty understanding younger generations when communicating with them, and vice versa. Communication style and the words that we use has changed dramatically over the last 30 years due to advances in technology, mobile phones being the primary culprit.

With the advent of text messaging in the early 1990's, we were restricted in how many words we could use in our message. Plus, we had to strike the #1 button three times to reach the letter 'C' then we had to wait for the cursor to move forward before we entered the next character.

This resulted in our words becoming abbreviated and our sentences much shorter which then carried across into our verbal communication.

As technology advanced, we no longer had to meet with people; we could now send them messages in the form of an email, video, photo, shorter message, emoticon and GIF file to express what we might previously have said face-to-face or on the phone. We still have a phone with us but would now much rather send them our message in electronic format.

As each generation was born, the uptake on electronic communications was swift resulting in reduced face-to-face interaction and the inability to learn acceptable social skills such as seeking clarification if there is a misunderstanding.

Other social skills such as your-turn-my-turn, debating, appropriately challenging what was said, and and showing facial expressions all diminished.

A small number of the experienced generation continued with their existing communication style and words, some of which are no longer acceptable in today's world. I am one of these experienced generation and sometimes say inappropriate things unconsciously because it was acceptable when I was learning and growing up. It is not until it is brought to my attention that I realise what I had said was inappropriate. This, for me, is a lifelong habit which is often hard to break.

The fault in miscommunication across the generations rests with us all, regardless of our generation, but mostly it rests with the older generation. Most of the younger generation do not like face-to-face communication conflict. Instead, they would rather express their frustrations later on, often through social media.

What we, as the experienced generation, once said to each other which was appropriate is now rightly considered to be viewed as bullying, racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. We, the older generation, need to change the words that we use and the way that we express ourselves.

It's not political correctness, it is just correctness.

Furthermore, it is incumbent upon us as the 'experienced' generation to educate the younger generation on how to communicate appropriately when they wish to seek clarification or to challenge what was said. It is up to us as the experienced communicators to show the younger generations the many benefits of communicating face-to-face in a manner which is non-confrontational.

Not all blame can be laid at the feet of the experienced generation. Younger generations need to change what they say and the way in which they say it. Mostly, they need to spend more time talking with people face-to-face and not electronically.

The only way that we can bring the generations together to avoid generational miscommunication is to talk more. Let's talk more.

Judge Me Not, Life Happens.

You might think that you know someone, please know that you do not, no matter how long or how close you have known them. We sometimes look at someone and think "I know you, you are this type of person so I will put you in this box". Or we might think "Why can't I be like you", for whatever reason that might be.

We often judge people on looks, not consciously, subconsciously. That's how we once survived, wary of danger.

Each of us is the same yet very different. We are born into the human race, and apart from some genetic differences, for the most part we are all the same. And then 'life' happens - we each grow up with different experiences, having different emotions, and learning different lessons.

No matter who you are - from a rough sleeper to a CEO, from a cleaner to a senior manager, from a corporate leader to a student - we are all the same yet slightly different.

What got us to where we are today, life. What made us different, life. What makes each of us special, life.

Some of us were privileged and born into greatness while others were born into hardship. Some of us experience good fortune while others never seem to make any headway no matter how hard we work. Some of us are lucky while others not quite so much. Some of us got through life unscathed while others of us suffered great tragedy.

Yet we are all humans, the same but different, because of life.

When you first see me, please don't judge me, please don't think that you know me, please don't put me into 'that box'. Please stop and take the time to ask me about me. Talk to me, find out about me while I find out about you. Often, we will be thinking the same thing, other times not quite the same, but by talking we will now know what the other is thinking.

Please don't judge me for who you think that I am, because I am not that person. I am me and there is no other like me. And that's because of life.

I do not need your sympathy, your empathy, your compassion, or your pity. I do not need your adoration, your praise, your applause, or your promotion. I simply need you to listen and to learn about me.

I ask you to have an open mind without judging me. I need you to talk with me, as one human being to another on an equal footing. Then, and only then, will know me. Then I give you permission to judge me.

I wish I had known then what I know now. Let's talk more.

Why Do Bad Things Happen At Festive Times?

As this is my last post for 2016 I want to encourage you to focus on the positives over the festive season and beyond.

Over the last few days I have been contacted by those who have had some form of tragedy in their life. The usual question is "Why do bad things always happen at Christmas". The simple fact is they don't, bad things happen every day. It's just that Christmas, and other festive occasions such as birthdays, New Year, etc., are a marker on which to place the tragedy.

Ask any emergency service worker what it is like to work on a night shift when there is a full moon, they may tell you that it is busier than any other night. Numerous studies however indicate that this is not the case. What I can tell you is that the jobs we attended during a full moon were strange therefore it felt like there was more of them.

Bad things happen. When they do we look as to why and often there is a cause that we wished we had seen coming. "If only" we tell ourselves.

Bad things happen. Instead of looking for reasons, answers or blame, focus on the positives as much as you can. Spend time reflecting on the good memories, or maybe the bad times if the former doesn't work for you. Think about how the person made your life better and that you are grieving because they came into your life. Imagine how different it would be if you hadn't known them at all?

Bad things happen. Acknowledge it, find out as much as you can about it, help yourself to come to terms with it, and then help others in whatever way you can.

Personally, I have given up on questioning why bad things happen. I now try as much as possible to accept it and make the best of the situation as much as my hard-wired brain will allow me to. May I encourage you to do the same.

By all means cry, shout, get angry, express out loud how you feel. That is a good thing to do as suppressing emotions is detrimental to your well-being. Take as long as you need, don't rush it, you will know when it is time to move on. When it 'feels' right, move on.

If you have trouble accepting the tragedy or moving forward, ask for help. There is no shame in seeking assistance, on the contrary it is a sign of strength to do so.

Bad things happen, that is a part of life. Good things also happen which is also a part of life, a bigger part may I suggest. We just don't see the good things when we are sad and down.

Forget the bad things in the past, look to the good things in the future, but always be in the moment.

May I take this opportunity to thank you for following my posts over the last year or two. I hope in some small way that I have been able to get you thinking about things differently, to look as much as you can at the positives in life.

I wish you and your family the very best for the holiday season, Merry Christmas.

Thanks To Those Who Put Their Hand (and head) Up.

Last night I sat and watched a media item on a new suicide prevention campaign launched in New Zealand by a well-known advocate, Mike King. I get nervous when I see people putting themselves out there in the media like this, opening themselves to criticism, ridicule, and scorn.

And he's not the only one who is doing so, there's Sir John Kirwan who encourages the need to talk openly about depression. There's so many others who champion the rights of equality, women, health, sexuality, freedom, peace, prisoner reform, bullying, the list goes on.

Why would someone do that, put their hand up to help others when they know that there is a fair chance that they are going to face negative comments or actions by others?

Sure, there might be some other motivator in behind the actual cause, but there are many other ways to satisfy that motivation without popping your head above the parapet leaving yourself vulnerable to being shot at.

It is a bold thing to do, even brave I suggest, to take on the 'system' in this way. It takes courage to speak out against what professional organisations are saying, to challenge people's knowledge, to go against common understanding, to say what you believe is right when you know that others will think quite differently.

It is never easy reading negative comments when you put your hand up in this way. You can't ignore it no matter who you are.

The impact on the person, their family, and their well-being can be enormous when they open themselves up to become a target for the negative world.

When I ponder as to why people would want to put their hand up knowing that they are going to rock the boat in some way, I always come to the same conclusion, because it might help just one person. And that's what it is all about, helping each other.

I have two challenges for you to consider; put your hand up when you believe in something as passionate as those who currently do so, and, resist the urge to comment negatively on those who risk themselves to help others.

It's about time that we started working together, to try new things, to challenge conventional practices, to rock the boat a little, and to support those who dare to put their hand up.

For those who currently put themselves out there to help others, thank you for doing so.

I Am Stupid And Will Never Amount To Anything!

I am stupid, dumb, worthless, a loser who won't amount to much in life. That's what I told myself and was also told by a teacher when I was young. I would often look at wealthy people, clever people, corporate leaders, senior executives, people who had the world in their hands and I would think to myself - "If I could just be like them".

At school, I was never shown how to learn, not even how to rote learn. (I only learned what that was when I left High School). I assume that I must have been shown something because I could read and write, pretty well in fact.

I tried to learn but no matter how hard I tried I was always near the bottom of the class. And so I became comfortable there, near the bottom. I wasn't last in the class so at least I wasn't that stupid I told myself.

I went through school fearing life - how was I going to succeed, how could I buy a house, how would I be able to live, what is going to happen to me, would I even survive.

It use to keep me awake at night, worrying that I was a failure and wondering if it was all worth it in the end.

I did okay in life as it turned out, I sat a building apprenticeship and eventually became a construction site foreman. That was great but there was still something missing. And then something happened late in my life, at 35 years of age someone showed me how to learn.

From that point I realised that I wasn't so stupid, so dumb, so worthless, or a complete loser who wouldn't amount to much in life. Studying became like a drug for me, I couldn't get enough of it. I found that I could read and digest eight to ten research papers in an hour, highlighting the important points as I read. As I laid the points out on pages I could visualise where each paragraph would fit, it was crazy and exciting.

Words would float across the pages to where they should fit.

The end result, I now have a fistful of qualifications including a couple of Diplomas and a Master of Arts Degree. And I am still studying. So what is the moral of this rant? If I can, anyone can.

Stop telling yourself that you can't do something because you can. No one is stupid, dumb, worthless, or a loser who won't amount to much in life. Each of us has something special to offer the world, we just have to find what it is and how to use it.

Dismiss the negative self-talk, the comparisons, the comfort of complacency.

I once would make excuses as to why the other person was better than me - they had money, they went to a good school, they had perfect timing, they had lots of support - excuse after excuse.

I may not be the smartest, most intelligent, wealthiest, or a senior executive, but I have done okay I reckon. What I do know is that we can all achieve great things if we put our minds to it. You just might need some help as I did so never be afraid to ask for help.

One person took the time to show me how to study, for that I am so very grateful. That was my key, learning how to learn. I encourage you to strive to find your key, it's never too late. Find it, use it, give it all that you have when using it and watch how life unlocks before you.

Finally, remember to give back and to pay it forward. Help others to succeed as you find success. The rewards become endless. Go for it, you have nothing to lose except regret.