10 Common Resilient Factors

We all want to know why it is that some people can face adversity better than others. Research conducted on those who have survived terrible events revealed their secrets.

It was found that those who bounced back quickly from adversity had the following common factors. I shortened them down (a lot) and made them relevant for you;

1.      Confront fears - If you are afraid of doing something, you need to do more of it. When we are afraid of something it plays on our mind just like procrastination, all the time fearful that we are going to have to do it at some point. Ensure that you do what it is you are afraid of a small piece at a time to gradually introduce it to your brain.

2.     Maintain optimism - Research shows us that being optimistic and remaining positive can add 7 years to your life, medicine can only extend your life for 3 to 4 years. If you want to hang around for a few more years, choose to be happy.

3.     Accept support - Asking for help, and accepting it without question, makes us feel good inside. Additionally, our neural pathways (those things that make our brain work properly) increase and grow linking the different parts of our brain together.

4.     Imitate strong people - Not just strong people, happy people. Look at what strong and happy people do and you do the same. Also, don't sit with people who moan and gossip, sit with those whose company you enjoy.

5.     Rely on your inner compass - Always go with your 'gut' feeling. Know that it is not actually your gut, it is a deep part of the limbic system in your brain that is unaffected by emotion and communication.  

6.     Accept what you can't change – Continual change is here to stay, you can't fight it so embrace it. Also leave guilt and regret behind you, it is just wasted energy.

7.     Concentrate on your health and wellbeing - Some say we only have a certain number of breaths while others will tell us they want to slide into the grave while still partying. Know that if you look after your body and your brain you will find enormous pleasure and you won't need to party all the time to enjoy yourself.

8.     Find humour in adversity - Emergency service workers do this, they make a joke about terrible things that they have seen and the horrible tasks that they had to do. This lessens the impact on their wellbeing. By doing so the brain thinks the event is a joke therefore doesn't react negatively to the event.

9.      Use the traumatic event to grow - Look at the positives in what happened and learn from what you didn't do so well. Mindfulness is about being in the moment and looking forward. If we keep looking back when we are walking forward we will hit something.

10.  Turn to spiritual practice/s - Religion, yoga, meditation, self-talk. All of these things can help you to foster and grow. Talk to that little person who sits inside your head, you know the one, the one that you often deny is in there. He or she is there alright, we all have at least one.

Is Stress Making You Fat?

We all know that fat is simply stored energy waiting to be used and if we don't use it then the fat will just sit there around our waist. We also know that the more fat that we store the less energy we have, i.e. we don't feel like exercising. It's a quandary, at least it is for some of us.

When we feel tired we naturally want to eat energy rich foods - starchy, sweet or stimulating foods. This introduces a whole lot of issues around blood sugar levels. When blood sugar levels rise and fall our body compensates by producing cortisol which as you know is bad for us.

Cortisol is also released when we are stressed. So, if you are feeling stressed your body will produce adrenaline and cortisol which we use to fight fatigue because of the stress. Our energy levels dip so we reach for a candy bar or a coffee and our body produces more cortisol.... You get the picture.

Cortisol activates the release of glucose (for energy) which is stored in the liver and muscles. If there is no glucose available, cortisol will prompt the liver to produce fat into sugar for the much needed energy.

This is a similar response that occurs when we are stressed. Guess what, the above reaction from eating starch and sugar makes your body think that it is stressed and produces adrenaline and cortisol. Sigh!

Cortisol stockpiles the energy around our waist, close to the liver for converting them to sugar for energy. We become even more stressed now as we see our waistline expanding. Is there no good news in all of this? Not if you keep doing what you have always done.

The way to stop this continuous cycle is to eat right, exercise right, and sleep right. And I have banged on about these three things for long enough not to bore you again with the details. 

Bottom line - don't eat sugar, get off the couch more, and go to bed early.

10 Things Not To Say Or Do!

Because our brains are wired negatively - four negative emotions and one positive emotion - and because our emotional reaction is much faster than our logical brain, we are sometimes filled with regret at things we say and do.

Here are a few tips and rules to help you to reduce saying and doing dumb things and for recovering quickly when we do which will reduce our subsequent negative feelings;

1.     Never say the first thing that comes into your head, it is always wrong. Your brain is wired to defend you and will want to overcome any hint of an attack by getting nasty. Take a deep slow breath and say the next thing that comes to mind, your logical brain would have caught up by then.

2.     Never say anything when you are angry and never confront someone at the time when feelings are heated. Always take the humble ground and know that the other person will feel guilty because they were the aggressor.

3.     Never criticise someone. Say "I usually do this...." rather than say that they are doing it wrong.

4.     Show your appreciation if someone offers you advice or helps you with something despite the fact you never asked for it or wanted it. They just want to help.

5.     If you make a mistake or know that you are wrong, admit it immediately. By not doing so will only cause you more angst thinking about it later and it is more difficult to apologise as time goes on.

6.     Try to see things from the other person's point of view, it will help you to understand the way that they are behaving.

7.     Acknowledge good ideas, don't let jealousy stop you from doing so.

8.     Do less talking, the other person will feel more important and you have less chance of saying the wrong thing.

9.     Talk about mistakes that you have made in the past before talking about the other person’s mistakes.

10. Let the other person save face. Never point out when they are wrong as it will make you look arrogant.

Alcohol May Not Be The Answer

I tried it, self-medication, using alcohol and/or tranquilisers to help get me through a few bad times. And it seemed to work, or at least that is what I thought it did. Now that I have studied more about personal resilience (resiliency) maybe it wasn't such a great idea after all.

I am not alone in self-medicating. In Britain for example where there is a population of 63 million, people allegedly consume up to 10 million tranquilisers, 10 million cannabis joints, and 120 million alcoholic drinks each week. 

These three drugs help to boost the neurotransmitter GABA (gamma-amino-butyric acid) which turns off the production of adrenalin and calms us down. This is why we feel so good when we have had that first drink. Unfortunately the feeling only lasts for an hour or so, and we become irritable again. So we have another drink.

Eventually, after a session of drinking, the GABA levels become suppressed and we return to being irritable and stressed. In other words it has the reverse effect. 

Most of us avoid this reverse effect by drinking in the evening and going to bed while we are still under the influence. We get to sleep very quickly because of the sedative (and depressive) nature of alcohol. Unfortunately alcohol disturbs the normal REM cycle where our dreams help regenerate the mind while we sleep.

So, we wake up feeling even worse because of low GABA, dehydration, and sluggishness as our body tries to get rid of the toxin - alcohol. The end result, you are more anxious than when you first started.

Bottom line, self-medication is not the answer. Alcohol in particular is certainly not the answer and you may be doing yourself more harm than good by consuming alcohol to self-medicate. It's taken me 40 years to find this out after lots of experimenting on your behalf...

Try it for yourself, have a couple of nights without alcohol and see how you feel in the morning. I try to and it works for me.

What I Don't Know Much About

Confession time from me. I know quite a bit about communication, particularly in dealing with difficult people and situations, and I know a lot about practical ways to mitigate the accumulation of negative pressure (stress). However, there are quite a lot of things that I don't know about in relation to wellbeing.

Here are some things that I wish I knew more about because I believe that knowing more about them would help us to overcome the negative impact of pressure from our daily work;

Diet - There are so many foods that we should avoid when we are under pressure and so many others that we could eat to help us deal better with pressure. I have read a lot about diets and dieting. What I do know is that dieting may not be all that good for you, the rebound phenomenon when we finish our diet is likely to see us gain more weight. I know that you should eat protein with every meal and eat slow release carbs to keep your energy levels up.

If I was to sum up what I have learned about diet, avoid as much sugar and processed foods as possible.

Supplements - Research suggests that Vitamin B and D, magnesium, chromium and selenium can help your mood increase in a positive way. The problem is to know how much to take, when to take them, what else to eat when taking them, and what happens if we take too much.

In summary, you need to see an expert on supplements but research suggests that it is well worth doing so if you want to lift your mood.

Detox - Over time toxins build up inside our bodies, I get that. But which detox programme should I use out of the many different detox programmes available is beyond me. Research tells us that we can speed up the recovery from certain forms of low mood (and possibly depression) if we quickly rid ourselves of toxins so it is worthwhile going on a detox programme.

As with supplements, you need to speak to an expert (not Dr Google, a reputable expert) on the best detox programme that is right for you.

Alcohol - Some would say that I should know a lot about this, I have been drinking alcohol since I was 15 years old. What I do know about alcohol is that it makes me feel good, at least for the first drink or two. I also know that it helps me to relax in the evening and also to get to sleep (but not stay asleep). I drink red wine because I enjoy the taste and research tells us that there are genuine benefits in consuming small quantities of red wine. I also know that if I don't supplement one glass of water for every glass of red wine I drink then I will quickly become dehydrated. 

In summary, alcohol is bad for us. Research indicates that the limited benefits we get from drinking alcohol does not outweigh the detrimental impact on our health and wellbeing. Bottom line, the more alcohol that you drink the worse it is for your health.

Sorry to end the week on a negative note, next week I will look at some happier topics.