To Maslow or Not to Maslow

Like everything to do with academia, there are supporters of theories and there are detractors. I like to listen to the supporters. What I have found in my 30 years of academic studies is that the main drive of detractors is to disprove a theory. Not for academic purposes mind you, they do it so that they can say 'look at me, look at how I found that this was wrong". Conspiracy theorists.

Maslow’s theory of our hierarchy of needs is one such theory that comes and goes. People either like it or rubbish it. Why do some dislike it, because his theory was based on observation and not on research? Sorry, isn't observation a type of research?

Maslow proposed that we have a hierarchy of needs in the shape of a pyramid. At the base of the pyramid (the widest part therefore the most important) is our physiological needs; air, water, food, shelter, sleep. That makes sense. I would add to that these days - money. Most of us need money for food and shelter.

The next layer on the pyramid is safety; family, health, employment, etc. Again it makes sense to me. The third level of the pyramid is belonging; socialisation, family, community, friendship. We need to feel loved, to feel wanted, to be listened to and heard. By the way, so much of this layer is missing these days because of urban sprawl and electronic communication. We don't talk enough! I digress.

Then Maslow suggests that our next need is esteem; self-confidence, achievement, the respect of others. This is the 'look at me' stuff that I was talking about earlier, the detractors. I bet the detractors wouldn't spend as much time as a detractor if they didn't have a home, food, or a job.

Lastly is self-actualization; problem solving, accepting of facts, lack of prejudice, getting ahead if life. Isn't this the last thing on most of our minds? We just want to have nice things, live a good life, and look after our health and wellbeing. 

So, what do you think? Where do you sit on this? Doesn't this pyramid make common sense to you? Didn't it 'feel' right when you read it? Is there some other way of arranging the pyramid? For me, it makes sense and Maslow’s theory is still relevant today.

I Hate Disruptions

Just as your day is going great, something happens to interrupt it and we go into a spin. The reason, our brain hates surprises. I liken our brain to a computer, if everything works well then our frontal lobe is happy whirring away. If something out of the ordinary happens, the little wheel starts spinning out of control.

Previously, I was one of those people who would let everyone know how I felt about the change in my situation. I would get grumpy and say things that I would later regret. I would then have to apologise which would make me feel worse still.

Through my learnings and study, I have now found that the right way to deal with disruptions is to relax, make a joke about it, and 'go with the flow'. It is still damn annoying when things go wrong but it now doesn't impact on me like it used to.

Here's an example. Yesterday I had a busy day providing workshops in Rotorua and Christchurch, two cities in New Zealand. I managed to get to each venue with minutes to spare and then the country's radar failed. All flights were grounded.

I could have panicked, which I would have done previously. I could have told the airline how much they had inconvenienced my day despite it being no fault of theirs. I could have demanded a refund and hired a car to drive the 6 hours home. I could have done lots of things that would make me look like a fool.

Instead I joked about the situation. "Can't the pilots just look out the windscreen" I quipped. I sat down and completed my emails, planned the next week, wrote another coaching programme and watched a bit of television. There was nothing anyone could do about the situation so why fight it.         

By embracing the situation and using it to my advantage (looking at the positive side of things) I was content and had completed work that I would otherwise had to complete at another time. I went to bed relaxed and slept well knowing that I was on top. I had used a bad situation to my advantage.

I wonder why it took me so long to figure this stuff out. I guess it is called life.

I Want To Be Someone Else

How many times have you thought to yourself, "I wish that I was 'that' person." You see someone on television who is living a dream life, maybe watching a sports professional that you would like to play just as well as, or maybe a business person exceeding in their professional life.

The fact is, while these people may be the best at what they do, they have the same worries as us, the same issues as us, the same worries, and the same fears. Oftentimes their 'issues' are worse than ours.

It is one thing to admire these successful people, it is another to want to be them. When we do this we are telling ourselves that we aren't successful, that we aren't worthy, that we are in fact never going to be successful. And that is rubbish.

You may never be what you wish you could be, and that is just a reality. However, who is to say that you will never be the successful person that you desire to be? Only you, no one else. We all have self-doubt. It is a researched fact that most people do not believe they should be where they are in life and they wait for someone or something to bring them down.

You are where you are because of the road you chose. Or maybe life threw you a curveball. Accept that and look to the future. Don't let your past hold you back, set yourself some goals and keep moving forward. Look to those successful people who have achieved and work to be like them, not actually them.

Also remember, most of them came from the same place as you and I.

What Does It Take To Be Great

You have heard it said that to be great you need a far-off goal, support from others, dogged determination, and to just keep going when things get tough. We look up to those of you have done just that, who have made it, who have had a dream and realised it. So often this person is someone who is very wealthy and/or prominent. We celebrate your success.

But what about those amongst us who are working just as hard, have modest dreams, have support from family and a few friends, are determined to reach their realistic dreams yet are easily swayed to take a different path, and want to succeed but success to them is a modest life-style.

For me, those people are also leaders amongst us. These people are doing wonderful things, working each day to ensure that they can achieve what they set out to do and making a difference in peoples lives along the way.

For me, those people are the ones that we should look to in awe. They are the people just like you who go to work each day, doing your very best that you can, looking after yourself and your family. 

You are the ones who work as hard as you can in support of the people that you work for. You get up each day, travel to work in congested flows, work 8 to 10 hours each day with overtime thrown in if 'they' ask you to, then travel back home in the same congested flows you travelled in earlier that day.

You are the people who keep businesses going. You are the people who complete the often tiresome work for your employer. You are the ones who want your company to succeed. You are the ones who are forgotten about unless you do something wrong, which isn't that often.

For me, you are the leaders that we should also look up to. Thank you for doing what you do each and every day.

Moods - It's All in Your Mind

Apart from those of us who suffer from a diagnosed mental illness, our mood swings originate from our mind - our thoughts. Because of this it is possible to change your mood from negative to positive just by thinking about.

I was sceptical about this assertion just like some of you reading this post. Ha, change my mood by changing my thoughts, rubbish. "Walk a mile in my shoes and see what I have to put up with each day. You have no idea what it's like for me."

I have walked in your shoes and I do have an idea of what it is like for you. I will admit that some of us do have bigger shoes than others, more 'stuff' seems to happen to them than to others. But generally, we all go through times where our mood drops. And some of us drop a lot further than others. Know that the further you drop the harder it is to climb back out so prevention is the key.

For most of us the negative thoughts are in our heads, it's how we think about things. Here's a simple example. I bet that you have been somewhere where you would rather not be - in a boring meeting, stuck in a conversation that you are not enjoying, doing a job that is tiresome or monotonous. You feel low.

And then you think of something happy that is coming up. You suddenly remember that you are meeting with friends later that day, going to a concert, travelling somewhere, or maybe you simply remember that it is Friday. In a split-second your mood lifts. You feel much better and you may even breakout a smile.

So what happened around you to make you feel better? Nothing. There was other influencing factor. Your mood was uplifted by just changing your thoughts. And if you keep thinking these positive thoughts going, your brain will learn to look for more of them. I use to dismiss the saying "Think happy thoughts". Now I don't. 

Positive psychology works on little tricks like this to help your brain. It is intuitive, you just need someone to show you how to switch it on.