Why Me?

Yesterday was one of those days when I asked myself, "why me". Why, when I work so hard do things not go right for me? And as quick as that thought came, I dismissed it. You see, it's not about me, you, or anyone else. It just is, and you need to trust that these things happen for a reason.

My day started early with a business meeting scheduled for 7:30 am across the other side of town. Up at 5:30, drove through traffic without having eaten to arrive early. I get a call, the person that I was meeting with had an urgent meeting. No problems, let's reschedule.

I go to my next meeting, wait for half on hour, then go to his office when he doesn't arrive as agreed. They don't know where he is. 0 for 2, I can live with that. Stuff happens.

I go to my third meeting and, you guessed it, another no-show. As I walked back to my car, dressed in a suit and tie with the sun beating down on me making me sweat profusely, I wondered why me, what am I doing wrong? Go and get a real job like everyone else I thought. Then I had another thought, you teach this stuff, take some of your own medicine. Keep going and see what happens.

I went to meet with the person that I was suppose to meet at 7:30 am. It was now 12:30. She was so apologetic that I felt terrible about having that selfish attitude. It wasn't her fault, she was called to a very urgent meeting that both of us had no control over. Her day had been disrupted as has mine.  Our meeting went well and I also got to talk to two other people whom I knew from my previous career. Had the 7:30 am meeting not been postponed I wouldn't have met them.

I got a call from the third person I was to meet. She had placed our appointment in her calendar while overseas where it was two hours behind our country. We chatted, I got some great guidance from her and we will meet next week close to where I live instead of me having to travel across town. Bonus time.

My fourth meeting went well. It was 2:30 pm and I hadn't eaten, there was food here! I met some wonderful people and we finished the meeting with a glass of wine. Bonus again.

Once back home 12 hours after my day started, I was advised that the person I was suppose to meet for the second appointment had been terribly ill. Now I felt really bad. We are now going to meet when he has recovered and I bet that this new meeting will go exceptionally well because I won't be so rushed. Plus he is buying the coffee. Bonus three.

Things do happen to us.  Sometimes they are so bad that I cannot explain why. But when little things happen like that which occurred to me yesterday, just go with the flow and see what happens. You see, it's not about you or me, it just is and you never know what may happen because of it.

Ways To Lose That Sale

If you want to destroy that much needed rapport that you have taken time to build and lose that sale, try some of these:

• Tell the person to "Calm down", "Take a deep breath" or say that you "Understand how they are feeling".
• Start thinking of your next question while the other person is still talking.
• Change the topic because the conversation wasn't going in the direction you wanted it to.
• Interrupt them mid-sentence because you think that you know what they are going to say.
• Finish off their sentences for them.
• Encourage them to talk faster by talking faster yourself. 
• Let your thoughts wander off if the other person talks for longer than 10 seconds.  
• You could try asking a question and then listening just for the answer that you want to hear.
• Or perhaps start talking without really knowing what you are going to say.  
• Maybe you could keep losing eye contact because you are disinterested in what the other person is saying.
• Try doing most of the talking if the other suggestions aren't working.
• Raising your voice or standing up when you want the person to stop and listen to you is a good one.
• Change the tone of your voice to sound arrogant when you know that you are right.  

However, if you want to maintain rapport and make that sale, do the opposite of all the suggestions listed above and also add these:

• Get the other person to talk about themselves first.
• Use their name in the first sentence.  
• A great thing to do if you have the time beforehand is to find out about the customer and their business, then talk about that as an introduction. 
• Ask an open ended question such as “How is business going?”  That will definitely get them talking. 
• Remember not to talk for longer than 60 seconds and do this in 20 second sound bites. 
• Another tip from past days is to get the person to say the word ‘yes’ three times in a row.  This encourages them to form a pattern and make it easier to make the sale.
• Remember also that everyone wants to know “What’s in it for me?”  Always link your service or product to an outcome that meets their lifestyle or needs.  
• Price is always an issue for most.  If it is a stumbling block then break the cost down to something easily understood such as “That’s just the price of a cup of coffee each day”. 
• Always provide your customer with choices then ask “Which option would suit you best?”  This again gives them control and ownership of the decision. 
• Finally, under-promise and over-deliver. Never say that you can do something unless you are absolutely certain you can.

Body Language to De-escalate

Here are some quick tips on how to use your body language to reduce tension in an emotional conversation with someone who is angry;

• Hold eye contact for around 60% of the time. Be careful not to hold direct eye contact for too long with overly aggressive people as they will take this as a sign you are looking for a confrontation.
• If standing, stand straight and tall. This shows that you aren't afraid and is also a neutral position which means it cannot be misread.
• If seated, sit upright. Lean just slightly forward which you will find is actually straight.
• Men - Keep your arms at your sides with your hands open. Do not clench your fists which is what we will want to do.
• Women - Have your arms in front with one hand clutching the wrist of the opposite arm, this is a sign that the other person is safe. You can also move your thumb slowly back and forward as a sign of reassurance.
• Keep the right distance, about 1.5 metres apart. Don't get too close as to crowd the other person or that you are placing yourself in danger.
• Mirror some of their body language when the person has calmed. If you mirror body language when someone is aggressive it has the same effect as glaring at them.

Some other things that you can do at the same time;

• Use their name early in the conversation to show that you are listening and you are an actual person. Plus, we all like to hear our own name being spoken by others.
• Always be polite no matter how rude the other person may be. Words such as “please” and “thank you” will gain you important brownie points when talking with those from the baby boomer generation.
• Respect their point of view. You may disagree but also know that your view may not be right.
• Ask for their permission if you need to go away and do something. This makes the person feel important because you have sought their permission. Ensure that you tell them what you are going to do as they will be suspicious.
• Use the word “important” when appropriate. This plays to their ego.

Grumpy Old Man!

I recently read a book  titled 'The Grumpy Old Gits Guide To Life.' It is a humourous book and fun to read. This got me thinking though about our workplaces. Most companies have them, grumpy old men and grumpy old women. These are what I term the patriarchs and matriarchs. These are important people in your organisation, they can make or break a business.

Here are the 10 signs that you have a patriarch or matriarch in your organisation;

1. They never miss a chance to moan.
2. They sigh a lot or look out the window during training sessions.
3. They always want someone independent with them during performance meetings.
4. They often involve the union, not for support but as a threat.
5. They have been there and done that, with a story for every occasion.
6. They resist change, "why change when things are going fine".
7. They can be found at the water cooler spreading rumours.
8. They never volunteer for anything but will criticise when things go wrong.
9. They have a strong influence over the junior staff.
10. They have their own coffee mug at work.

If you are reading this and can't think of anyone that fits this profile in your company then it may be you who is the patriarch or matriarch! So how do you manage these people? Involve them. Put them on your project committees, here's the reasons why;

1. They have wonderful institutional maturity and knowledge.
2. They have seen many changes and can tell you what worked and what didn't.
3. Although they are grumpy and like to be the centre of attention, they are also don't want to be seen as the 'peacock'. They don't posses the 'look at me' factor, they just do their job despite the grumbles.
4. They will counter group-think by arguing against all suggestions, this will stop the project going down the wrong path.
5. They mitigate strong personalities therefore one or two people won't have all of the say on the project team.
6. Being part of the team will encourage them to support the change.

Remember to only have one matriarch or patriarch on each project team otherwise you may not achieve what you are after.

Value the grumpy old men and grumpy old women in your organisation, they have a lot to offer.

In Businees, Use Adversity as an Advantage

In business we often find ourselves facing adversity. We did not secure the contract we were after, we didn't meet our weekly quota, we were criticised by the media. So what then is a way to use this adversity as an advantage?  Leveraging off the adversity is what sometimes works.

For example, you lost a contract because you failed to deliver on an agreed service level. In a situation like this the first thing we often do is look for blame. Who was responsible, whose at fault, and how can we seek recompense.

An alternative approach is to identify the cause of the adversity and use it as a focal point for your energy. Apportioning blame is wasted energy. In our example, you didn't meet the service agreement so why was that? Was it because you didn't have the right number of staff available, the staff weren't trained adequately, or perhaps it was a managerial error.

Once you have identified the cause,  work quickly to rectify it then use this new impetus to promote your business positively. In a marketing campaign you might say "Because we are committed to our clients, we undertook a robust recruitment drive and trained our team to the highest standard so that we could meet the increasing demands on our business". This statement says that you failed but immediately fixed the problem so that it won't happen again.

People like honesty. We all make mistakes and it is the brave who acknowledge it. People also like to know that you have learned from the mistake. History is littered with examples of companies and people who failed. All learned from their mistakes and used the mistake to gain success. “Failure is success if we learn from it.” - Malcolm Forbes.