Cultures - Are we Really That Different?

I recently presented at an international association of certified fraud examiners meeting and entered into a conversation about culture which got me thinking - "are we really that different?"  The answer at face value is 'yes'.  Although we are born with similar traits as humans, immediately we are defined by everything that is around us.

Culture is what makes us different and interesting.  It is how we walk, talk, behave, respond, and communicate.  There are however some things that culture does not influence with one of those being our human needs.

Maslow defined it best in his hierarchy of needs.  We all need the foundations of food, water, shelter, etc.  The part that I am most interested with is our social needs.  Social needs are based on our psychological and/or emotional requirements. The primary source of behavior in our development is the need for emotional connections such as friendships, family, social organisations, romantic attachments, or other situations involving interactions with others.

Importantly, we all want to be first, heard, immersed in a group, loved, and be number one.  When faced with a difficult conversation; take the lower ground, listen twice as much as you talk, acknowledge their emotions, and talk about their personal situation.  You will find that empathy and rapport will quickly follow enabling you to move forward much sooner.

Look Forward to What?

While it is always good to look back in history to see where we have come from, it is more important to look forward to see where you are going.  If we continue to look back we will never progress.

The same can be said for mental well-being.  When you have suffered a significant negative event in your life that has caused distress, it is alright to focus on it for a short period to establish why it happened and to see if you can prevent it from happening again where possible.  Then, move on.  

Focus on the positive aspects of the event, what did you learn from it, then look to the future.  Where do you want to be, what do you want to achieve, and how can you get there?  Work towards achieving something that excites you.  Focusing on the positive will help you to forget your negative event by replacing bad memories with good ones.  The addition of excitement about the future will create endorphins and other good chemicals to restore your well-being.

When the negative event pops into your head, acknowledge then discard it and again look to the future.    

Why Ask Why?

Perhaps the one word that can destroy rapport faster than any other during a conversation with a client is the word "why".  When you commence a sentence with 'why' when you want to know the reason for their actions, it places unnecessary blame on the client.  A better phrase to commence a sentence is "What was the reason for..."  It is asking the same question yet much softer and without a direct accusation.    

An example; "why was the door unlocked" as opposed to "what was the reason for the door being unlocked".  It is less accusatory and provides the client with an open opportunity to explain.  In this way you are more likely to get an honest answer because they won't feel threatened.

There is nothing wrong with asking why they think something occurred provided it is not directly related to their own actions.  Asking "why do you think that happened" provides an open invitation to provide their thoughts. 

Why Should I Help Out More?

I often used to think that I was just too busy to help out with a particular cause, not earning enough money to make regular donations to a charity, or too many other 'things' in my life to trouble myself with stopping to chat to someone who you may or may not know.

Too late in life I have learned that taking time to help out others, making regular donations to a charity, spending time with family, and the many other things that I have previously dismissed or disregarded could have added so much more value to my life.

I used to read that when you give something out the universe will pay you back more than you ever gave.  Really?  Who is going to believe that?  Well, I can tell you as previously the biggest cynic on this point, it works.  

The next time you think that you don't have the time to spend working for a good cause, can't afford to donate a modest sum to a charity, or go to walk passed the person you maybe should stop and say hello to, do so.  You may not get back exactly what you gave, it will return to you in many different ways and with greater rewards.  Try it and see!

Making Difficult Decisions

We often find ourselves struggling with a difficult decision.  We can get so tied up with it that it eventually overpowers our brain and we become confused and overwhelmed.  It seems the harder we concentrate, the longer it takes to reach a decision.  The reason for this is that when we have been concentrating on the one thing for so long we become tense and we aren't using all of our brain.

The next time you have to make a difficult decision, try this;

• Concentrate hard on the problem, write it down, come up with alternatives, really focus intensely on it.
• Stop when you think that you have reached a conclusion and go for a walk, take a shower, watch TV, whatever you can to forget about the problem.
• Return to the problem after your brain has relaxed and you will find the resolution comes with ease.

Our brain is like any other part of our body, if we use only one part of it for too long at maximum capacity it will become tired and prone to injury.  By relaxing it, all of the neurons will come into play and link across your entire brain rather than heading to the one spot.