The irony isn’t lost on me that I’m writing a post about humility to increase our views!
When people ask me about humility, I instantly recall a biblical passage: 'For those who humble themselves shall be exalted.'
We’re often told we’re wired to win; we are actually wired for survival.
Winning once meant safety, status and belonging. So maybe the need to win a conversation is about protection.
Why do some of us need the last word?
Why do some of us need to be right?
Why does humility sometimes feel like we are losing?
The answers are rarely single-layered.
I don’t believe in personality tests or putting people into boxes. People aren’t types; we are collections of traits shaped by experience, threat, belief and context.
Boxes separate us, traits invite understanding.
Lately, I’ve started paying closer attention to my own behaviours. I am still an angry person when triggered, yet learning to control my reactions.
Same situations, same triggers, yet each time making a different choice.
Airports sometimes trigger me - noisy, long queues at security, invasion of privacy when searching me or my bag, flight delays or cancellations.
I’ve noticed that if I pause, just briefly, and smile, something shifts.
My automatic urge to react drops away, the conversation softens, and oddly, (or maybe not so odd), I tend to get more than I ever thought I would when trying to win.
I pondered, is this real, or am I making it up?
From a neuroscience perspective, it’s very real. That pause creates space.
It allows the threat system to settle and the thinking brain to come back online. Smiling, even if it's intentional, sends signals of safety to ourselves and to others.
When we feel safe, we listen better. When others feel safe, they’re more open.
So does humility always feel like winning in the moment? Not always.
Sometimes it leaves us replaying the conversation later, wondering if we should have said more.
However, humility isn’t a weakness.
Humility is understanding that connection often outperforms control.
Just maybe the real win is in walking away feeling you made a difference, for yourself and for others.
Humility is not losing, humility is not backing away, humility is leaning in and helping understand.
Let's talk!
Humility!