So often when we are in emotional situations, we go straight to problem-solving. Research shows that men are the worst at this; we just want to help you get on with things and move forward.
Just like a book has a beginning, middle, and end to complete the story, so too do negotiations/mediations. However, the order is different.
Start in the middle. What are you facing right now? Ask the other person, "So what is important to you right now?" Or perhaps, "Let's look at where we are at this moment." This brings everyone to the same state and focuses on the topic.
The next step is to go back in time to examine how you got to the present point.
By doing this - and by acknowledging the emotion they’re experiencing - you allow the other person to explain their situation, they will tell you how they 'feel' about things as the story unfolds, and you allow them to vent. Because they vent as they talk to you, their logic brain will engage. An acknowledged emotion is disarmed.
The third step is to move on with a mutual agreement. So often we suggest something first and wait for the response. If you have allowed the other person to vent adequately and have listened with active listening skills, you would by now have established rapport.
Stop problem-solving, allow an open discussion, and go back over the past before moving forward. Your negotiation/mediation will be much easier.
Let's talk!
Acknowledging the Emotion Disarms It!