Having never been shown how to learn or study, I found school very difficult. I could have asked for help, but that did not come naturally to me.
We are all born with curiosity. If we feed our curiosity with information that we want to learn, then learning becomes enjoyable, and we learn more.
When I was shown how to learn, how to remember, and how to put words into a logical order, I was hooked on learning, studying, and writing.
In his book How the Brain Learns, David Sousa describes that we get excited when we learn if learning is fun - we enjoy it, we learn faster, we learn more, and our learning lasts much longer.
The alternative to enjoying what we learn is to have a motivator to work towards. My first diploma was in policing, and my motivation when studying was to qualify as a detective and for promotion.
The detective qualifying course is the most difficult academic course undertaken at the Police College. I did not think it was possible to cram so much information into my brain, yet it happened.
Next on my list was a diploma in business studies. When trawling through the many courses on offer at university, I was drawn to study about learning, in particular adult learning.
It feels selfish looking back now, as it was for me to understand how I learned. Little did I know that I would use this when I started my business to develop programmes for our clients. It was at that point that I became intrigued by the human brain!
Again, being selfish, I chose to undertake a master’s degree in Terrorism, Safety and Security. It was purely to gain promotion within the police and to be an asset. I chose radicalisation as my major, intrigued by how a human brain could be so modified as to want to kill others.
Once more I was able to use that academic achievement in my work today. Despite this qualification being the most challenging of all three, I cannot recall a moment where I wished I'd never started.
All the topics within this qualification – how do people communicate in secret, can a radicalised individual make an atomic weapon, do CCTV and body cameras prevent crime – are just a few of the papers undertaken.
The study for this qualification was enthralling; it was like reading a novel, completely captivating. I couldn't tell you how long it took me to complete each paper; time just flew by.
Interestingly, I can still remember minute details in every one of the papers written for the masters. If you are considering doing any study, study topics that you become lost in.
Only after completing the qualification might you attempt to work out how you can use the qualification in your current work or business. It may not seem applicable currently, but life has a way of bringing things together at some point.
Let’s talk!
You Are Not Alone!
We often hear that adversity builds character.
Why is that? Why must we endure pain, loss, and struggle to truly develop?
Growth rarely comes from comfort. Our brain does not want to remember the comfortable because that is safe; it wants to remember the uncomfortable to keep us safe from harm.
Growth comes from being stretched, challenged, and sometimes broken.
I’ve seen it in crisis negotiations, in trauma recovery and in my own life working through depression.
The most profound transformation often commences in the darkest of places.
When everything familiar falls away, we’re forced to confront who we really are. And that hurts!
Pain teaches empathy. Loss teaches gratitude. Struggle teaches resilience - how to cope with adversity.
However, I don’t believe tough times are meant to be. I don’t believe suffering is necessary; I believe it’s simply part of being human.
Yet when we do go through adversity, we tend to come out knowing.
Knowing what it was like, the effort it took to get us through, and that we're stronger than we thought we were.
Importantly, we now know how to avoid those situations again or manage them differently should we face them.
We can choose to let adversity harden us, or let it shape us into something stronger, wiser, and more empathetic.
If you’re going through a tough time right now, know that you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.
Let’s talk!
Hard Conversations!
Most of us put off hard conversations - we care how they’re received and how we’re perceived.
Keep these tips in mind the next time you’re nervous to speak up:
🔎 Start by preparing yourself. Get clear on why you're making the request - what’s driving it, and what outcome you’re hoping for. Keep it clear, specific, and easy to explain.
⏰ Pick your moment. Timing can make all the difference. Choose a time when your supervisor isn’t under pressure, and ideally when they’re more likely to be receptive and present.
💬 Be direct and honest, without being blunt. Clearly and respectfully state what you need, explaining why it matters both to you and to them. Clarity builds trust and makes it easier for them to understand your perspective.
🤝 Stay flexible and avoid coming on too strong. Pushing too hard can create resistance, and setting a rigid bottom line might close doors. Being open to compromise shows professionalism and increases your chances of a positive outcome.
💡 Offer solutions when you can. Suggest practical ways to address your request that make it easier for your supervisor to say yes. Showing you’ve thought things through demonstrates initiative and consideration.
🧘♂️ Remain calm and open to feedback. Listen carefully to their concerns without getting defensive. Showing you appreciate their input builds respect and keeps the conversation constructive.
🌟 Keep it positive and professional. Staying composed and confident helps set the tone and shows you’re serious and respectful throughout the conversation.
Remember: asking for what you need is a sign of confidence and professionalism.
Let's talk!
Second Edition!
Ten years ago, I wrote my first book, Behind the Tape: Life on the Police Front Line.
I had no idea whether anyone would read it.
It was simply my story. Twenty-two years in the New Zealand Police, much of it spent as a crisis negotiator. The lessons, challenges, triumphs and internal scars that came with the job.
A decade later, I am humbled to say the book has been reprinted four times.
Today, I'm excited to announce the release of the Second Edition of Behind the Tape, now published entirely by us and proudly printed here in New Zealand.
The words inside haven't changed, because the stories and the people who shaped them remain just as important today as they were when I first wrote them.
What has changed is the cover, the publisher, and the fact that copies are now available directly through our website.
I want to sincerely thank everyone who has bought a copy, shared it with friends, left a review, or taken the time to send me a message about how the book resonated with them. You are the reason this book is still alive ten years on.
There's another milestone on the horizon.
My fourth and final book is due for release next year and has been picked up by HarperCollins New Zealand. If someone had told the inexperienced constable I once was that this would happen, I wouldn't have believed them.
For now, though, I'm simply grateful.
Grateful for the journey, grateful for the support, and very grateful that Behind the Tape continues to find its way into the hands of new readers.
The Second Edition is available now through our website.
Focus On Them.
How can we diffuse emotions in difficult conversations? 🧐The secret is to never let an emotion pass without acknowledging it in some way.
Here’s how we acknowledge emotions in crisis communications, and how you can start implementing it in your conversations.
In crisis intervention, we say "You sound..." and then describe the emotion. For example, you would say "You sound angry" to a person who is yelling.
While this works in crisis situations, it is too extreme for everyday communications.
👉 Phrases such as “This sounds important to you, I can hear that”, or “I can hear that you are frustrated” are good emotion labels for angry people.
If someone tells us about a tragic event, many of us say “I’m sorry for your loss”. This works, but when we use the word sorry, it can have an impact on us personally - sorry is very much a personal word.
💡 It might be better to say “I can’t imagine what that is like” or “Would you like to take a minute?” or perhaps “How can I make this easier for you?” You are still acknowledging the emotion (sadness) but keeping it at arm's length.
Don’t worry if you don’t get the emotion correct; the person will soon tell you 🫢. They might say "Angry, you have no idea!" or "I'm not angry, I am just damn well frustrated".
You might reply, "Tell me more about what happened," to angry people, or "Let's get this sorted quickly for you" to those who are sad.
Remember that it is all about them, not you. Focus on their needs first, and your reward will follow.
Let's talk!