Ghosting, it’s come a long way.
Back in my day, ghosting wasn’t something you did to people. It was something that happened to our photos.
You’d load a roll of film, 24 shots if you were careful, 36 if you could afford it.
Every click mattered because each one cost money. No 47 selfies hoping for a decent one.
You’d take those photos over weeks, then head to the local chemist and hand over your roll like it was gold (the packaging was actually gold coloured).
And then, you waited. A long 1 to 2 weeks.
Finally, the little paper envelope arrives. You tear it open, hoping for magic, only to find a few out of focus, a thumb making a guest appearance and at least one with ghosting.
That odd double image making Uncle Dave look like he’s in two places at once. That was ghosting.
Fast forward, and the meaning’s had a serious upgrade. Now ghosting is:
👻 Reading a message… and replying sometime before retirement
👻 Saying “let’s circle back” and quietly disappearing
👻 My personal favourite - sending an email and waiting indefinitely for a response
I once emailed a client in Sydney, followed up a few weeks later, and waited.
18 months later, I get - “Apologies for the delay, it’s been a busy time.”
Busy time? That’s a whole career for some people!
Yet, a few weeks later, I was in Sydney delivering a workshop. Proof that sometimes people aren’t ghosting you; they just have a slightly different timeline.
From double images in old photos to double-taps without conversation, ghosting has evolved.
Sometimes what feels like ghosting is simply silence.
In that silence, we get to choose the story we tell ourselves.
Behind every ‘ghost’ is still a person. A person just living a life we can’t always see.
Let’s talk!
Tension Is Rising.
For many organisations, the struggles are real. We also feel it despite the work still flowing.
You’ve built the programmes, refined the service, covered every avenue.
The feedback is strong, the results are there - and yet it feels like the market has gone quiet.
Right now, many workplaces are in limbo. Budgets are tight, and people are fatigued
Yet, beneath that, there’s something else going on.
Aggression is rising, tension is building, and leaders are under pressure.
Many staff members are unintentionally escalating situations rather than calming them. When under pressure, the brain reverts.
After 22 years as a crisis negotiator, dealing with people at their absolute lowest, I’ve learned the behaviour we are now seeing in workplaces is the early version of what I used to deal with at the extreme end.
It’s happening every day in customer interactions and in team conversations when people are stressed and fatigued.
But the shift I’ve had to make myself is to stop trying to show everything I can offer and start talking about the one problem that matters right now?
Difficult people do not cause most workplace conflict. It’s caused by how we respond in the first 30 seconds.
When that response goes wrong, it costs:
👉 Complaints
👉 Stress
👉 Damaged relationships
👉 Safety
It’s about understanding behaviour under pressure, and knowing what to do in the moment that matters.
I’m still learning, still adjusting, still sharpening like everyone else.
What are you seeing right now in your workplace? More pressure? More tension? More difficult conversations? Or something else entirely?
Let’s compare notes 👇
Importantly, let’s talk!
When The Day Feels Heavy.
Ever had one of those days where everything feels heavy, and even the smallest task feels difficult?
You’re not the problem. Blame the world!
Constant change, broken sleep and relentless pressure.
It can feel like the world is coming at us, and our brain responds exactly as it’s designed to.
Under stress, it shifts into survival mode. Our motivation drops, our focus narrows, and even simple things feel harder than they should be.
The reality is that motivation is something you create.
Neuroscience shows that action drives motivation, not the other way around. Small steps release dopamine, the brain’s progress chemical, and that’s what builds momentum.
So, when you’re feeling flat, try these techniques:
1. The 2-Minute Start
Instead of tackling the whole task, just start for two minutes. That small step signals safety to the brain, reduces resistance and often leads to more action.
2. The One Thing Forward Rule
When everything feels overwhelming, ask yourself: what is one small thing that moves me forward? Just one small task; it doesn’t need to be perfect or everything at once.
Progress rebuilds motivation - you just need to start.
Sometimes the smallest step is the one that gets you back on track.
Small steps done consistently lead to big changes.
Let’s talk!
Brain Fog!
I Delivered My Best Ever Presentation on Brain Fog, I Just Wasn’t There For It.
Last weekend I was due to present to Cancer Support New Zealand, something I volunteer to do as a charity close to my heart.
The topic? Brain fog.
What causes it, what it feels like, what we can do about it.
There was just one small problem: I completely forgot to turn up myself!
No reminder, no ‘I’d better check the time,’ no last-minute nerves before going online.
Just, well, nothing.
Now, in my defence, your honour, I’ve spent years talking about how busy minds get overloaded. How stress, fatigue, and emotional load can quietly hijack our thinking.
Even I had to laugh at the irony - a talk about brain fog lost in brain fog.
Brain fog isn’t a lack of intelligence; it’s a lack of bandwidth.
When your brain is overloaded, whether from stress, trauma, illness, or (in this case) life, it starts dropping non-essential files.
Unfortunately, sometimes those non-essential files are, well, an entire presentation.
If brain fog ever pays you a visit, here are a few things that actually help:
🧠 Externalise Your Brain - Don't trust your head to hold it. If it’s not written on a giant sticky note, put in your digital calendar with three loud alarms, or shouted at a smart speaker, it doesn't exist.
🧠 The ‘One Thing’ Rule - When you have a million things spinning, your brain freezes. Pick one micro-task. Clear one email. Fold three shirts. Total focus on a small win restarts the engine.
🧠 Change the Sensory Channel - If you're staring blankly at a screen, your brain is stuck in a loop. Break it physically. Splash ice-cold water on your face, step outside for brisk fresh air, or blast a song. Shock the nervous system out of the fog.
🧠 Be Kind to Yourself - Stress makes cognitive fatigue worse. Beating yourself up just locks the fog in place. Laugh, apologise, and reset. In my case, I went for a run shuffle.
Despite decades of work in crisis negotiation and years in mental health and resilience, I’m still human.
Sometimes being human looks like missing your own session on brain fog.
To Cancer Support New Zealand, thank you for your understanding (and your humour about it). I promise next time I’ll be there.
Vulnerability!
I’ve sat with people on what they believed might be their last day.
I could feel their words.
The heartbreak, the exhaustion, the surrender that can creep in when life feels too heavy.
I’ve learned that most people are searching for just one thing to hold on to. One reason, one person, one moment, one breath that leads to the next.
Not long after stepping into that role, I found myself there, too - vulnerable.
Not as the negotiator, as the person trying to survive.
It felt like being locked in a straitjacket and thrown into the sea, fighting to stay afloat, gasping between waves, not thinking about tomorrow. Just trying to keep breathing, second by second.
We often say, “Just reach out, help is there.”
When you’re in that space, reaching out can feel impossible. All of your energy is spent on surviving the moment you’re in.
From the outside, it can look like withdrawal, anger, silence, or even resistance.
On the inside - it’s a battle between strength and fragility.
Strength because they’re still here, still fighting, still breathing.
Fragility because it’s a second-by-second existence.
It’s said that the measure of a society is how we treat our most vulnerable.
But before we can support them, we must first understand them.
When we do, we don’t just respond better, we connect and steady the waves.
In doing so, we might just become the reason they hold on for one more breath.
Let’s talk!