We’ve all heard the saying: “The loudest person in the room usually loses.”
But is it true? Or is it just another catchy phrase we repeat without thinking?
When someone raises their voice in an argument, they’re showing their internal state.
The louder we get, the less we think clearly.
The moment we feel threatened (emotionally or physically), the body shifts into a threat-response mode.
Our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes shorter and blood flow moves away from the thinking part of the brain toward our survival systems.
Then, cognitive control drops, our impulse behaviour rises, words get messy, and we say things we don’t mean. The nervous system is overwhelmed.
The loudest person takes the longest to recover.
A raised voice usually means cortisol and adrenaline are surging, which lasts long after the argument ends – sometimes for hours, or sometimes days.
The quiet person who stays calm actually has the advantage as their physiology stays in a state where they can still think, listen and respond.
The loudest person isn't always wrong, but they are dysregulated.
Being loud doesn’t mean someone has poor intentions.
It may mean they feel unheard or attacked, they don’t have the tools to regulate emotion, they learned early on that volume equals safety, or the big one - they’ve been carrying hurt they haven’t spoken about.
Volume is a symptom.
This is where true Stoicism enters. Genuine Stoicism is the ability to:
🙏 Stay grounded when others rise.
🙏 See your emotion without being controlled by it.
🙏 Pause long enough to respond instead of reacting immediately.
🙏 Protect your peace.
The quiet person wins because they’re regulated.
In a world where people are overwhelmed, overstimulated, and often carrying invisible pain, the most powerful thing you can bring to any conflict is a controlled nervous system.
The next time you feel angered:
🧠 Pause – give yourself time to think.
🧠 Question your thoughts – are you acting or simply reacting?
🧠 Respond according to your values – most of us have a value of respect, caring or family.
🧠 Be mindful – other people matter.
That’s true Stoicism – controlling our emotions rather than letting our emotions control us.
Let’s talk!
Don't Let The Old Man (Person) In!
I’ve noticed that my body hurts more and for longer these days.
And I seem to be more tired than I once was. Old age, I tell myself.
At 68, four hours’ sleep and two hamburgers no longer get me through the day.
But the thing is, I’ve realised this discomfort and fatigue is not a signal to stop.
Clint Eastwood, now 95, once said to Toby Keith at a charity golf tournament: “Don’t let the old man in.”
Those words resonated for me. They’re not about pretending to be young; they’re about refusing to surrender when your body tries to negotiate an early retirement.
If we continue doing the things we did when we were younger, such as strength training, walking fast, challenging ourselves mentally, and staying socially connected, our brains strengthen.
You know this, but here’s the latest research to support it.
A 2025 meta‑analysis of 4,349 adults aged 60+ found that:
🧠 Resistance training delivered the biggest boost to overall cognitive function.
🧠 Mind–body practices (like Tai Chi or yoga) significantly improved executive function and working memory.
🧠 Aerobic exercise enhanced memory - the thing so many fear losing.
A National Institute on Ageing study showed that even small improvements in fitness significantly increased myelin, the brain’s communication wiring, particularly after age 40.
That means sharper thinking, faster processing and better resilience against decline.
Across 130,000+ older adults in international ageing studies, those who stayed active were dramatically more likely to maintain a high, stable trajectory of health over 10 years.
Movement shifted the entire path upward.
Strength training, in particular, remains one of the strongest protectors against frailty, bone loss, and loss of independence as we age.
A remarkable 2026 Yale study of 11,000 older adults found that nearly half improved physically or cognitively over 12 years.
And the biggest predictor of improvement? Their mindset about ageing.
Those who believed ageing could include growth were the ones who actually grew.
What this means is the tiredness you feel, the soreness you wake up with, and the days your body whispers to you, ‘skip the gym,’ aren’t signs of decline.
Those are the moments when the research says that if you keep going, you win.
If you move, lift, stretch, breathe, connect and challenge yourself, you push the ‘old person’ back outside the door.
Although your body is tired, sore, complaining, or making excuses, it is still capable of extraordinary things when you give it the chance.
Keep moving, keep learning, keep pushing.
Your future self will thank you.
Let’s talk!
Are We Wired To Win?
Have you ever noticed how some of us push for the last word?
We’re wired to win because the brain is wired to survive. Something inside of us fires up. It isn’t because we’re rude or want to hurt anyone.
Long before modern life, losing a disagreement could mean losing safety and belonging.
So, our brain learned a rule: If I stay in control, I stay safe. That old wiring still continues today.
When we feel challenged, the survival brain switches on.
Our body reacts before we can think.
You’re not broken if you struggle to stay calm; you’re human.
Yet, survival-mode winning isn’t real winning, it’s losing connection, it’s losing trust, it’s losing our centre.
We win the moment but lose the relationship.
Real winning is different. Real winning is when we protect someone else’s mana, even in conflict.
When we respond gently and hold dignity on both sides, we win ourselves.
It takes effort because we are working against millions of years of hardwiring.
But every time, every time we choose respect over reaction, we are rewiring our future.
The true last word isn’t the loudest.
It’s the calm, conscious one. The one that keeps respect intact: both theirs and ours.
Let’s talk!
Training Need Not Be Face-to-face
Money is a very real consideration for businesses that require training.
We remind our clients that we deliver workshops online as a deliberate strategic option, not as a second-best alternative to in-person training.
In-person learning can be powerful; however, it also comes with real costs:
🚗 Travel
🏨 Accommodation.
🕰️ Time away from operational roles
📋 Logistical complexity
Online delivery removes those costs without changing the workshop itself.
Same content, same facilitator, and the same depth.
What’s surprised many organisations (including us) is that learning can actually go deeper online.
In previous national-level online workshops I delivered for WorkSafe, one of the requirements was that participants did not have to turn their cameras on.
What happened next was unexpected.
People became more open, more honest, more reflective, more willing to talk about what’s really going on.
Conversations went further than they often do in a physical room.
Why?
Because without being watched, without comparing themselves to others, without feeling pressure to conform, they stopped performing and started engaging.
When the work involves a deep understanding of ourselves and those we interact with, this really matters.
It includes a behaviour change, deep reflection, improved emotional regulation and real-world application.
Online workshops, when designed and facilitated properly, can:
✔ Reduce social pressure
✔ Increase psychological safety
✔ Remove geographic and accessibility barriers
✔ Allow people to participate as themselves
In a time when organisations are under financial strain, this approach allows leaders to keep investing in their people without sacrificing quality.
Online isn’t better in every situation. Yet when budgets are tight, teams are distributed, and psychological safety matters, it can be an advantage.
Let’s talk!
How Do We Talk To Angry People?
With many organisations seeing an increase in angry clients and customers, we are regularly asked the question, "How do we talk to an angry person?"
Often, saying nothing or simply agreeing with how they feel can help reduce conflict.
Here are some other tips for dealing with the angry:
👉 Stand tall with your head up, shoulders back, and hands by your side. This shows that you are open and ready to listen.
👉 Listen to what they are saying. When they have finished their 'vent', paraphrase back to them what they said related to the facts of what they are yelling about. (i.e., you are here to talk about .....).
👉 Reduce your eye contact to half of what you would usually do, 30% instead of 60%.
👉 The person will come at you again, repeat the process. Keep your hand movements to a minimum.
👉 If you can, hold something in your hand, such as a notebook or pen. This will help relax your facial muscles and give you the feeling of support. (Try it now, stand up with your hands by your side without anything in your hands and then pick something up. Note how you feel more relaxed yet confident.
👉 If you're able to, invite the person to sit down. This will reduce their anger, as they won't have a strong foundation on which to base their rage.
👉 Go through their issue without taking any notes; this is called free recall. Then ask them to go through it again and tell them that this time you will be taking notes. Going through it twice clarifies the situation and allows them to tell their story at least twice, easing built-up tension.
👉 If you can, get them to make notes also. When we write words by forming letters, we switch to our logic brain, rather than staying in our emotional brain.
👉 Throughout the conversation, use words such as important. "I can tell this is important to you." They are in a heightened state because this is important to them, and acknowledging this will support them in feeling acknowledged and validated.
Have you noticed an increase in angry clients and customers?
Let's talk!