It was burnout that started my decline into depression, a major contributor.
For me, it felt like a heavy weight pushing me down when I first woke up. No energy to get out of bed, and yet, I had to.
There were people waiting for me, there were people needing me.
The self-talk starts – “You always had energy, you could always be relied upon. Be a man, harden up, what is wrong with you?”
"I can do this, I can push myself to get out of bed, I can push myself to go back to work, I can push myself however far you need me to be," became my response.
What does burnout feel like? It is lonely, isolating, overwhelming, debilitating, and something you can't just snap out of. You can push as hard as you want, but you can never get that energy back.
But still, you have to keep going, that is, until something breaks - and you feel powerless.
The biggest contributor to workplace burnout is a feeling of loss of control over your workload, which causes chronic stress.
I was told I was unable to take leave due to ‘operational requirements’ -and this continued until I had accrued seven months of annual leave.
The stream of files that needed to be investigated, as each one had a victim or victims who rightfully needed an outcome.
The mandated training, the files for court, the covert operations, the special events, the media interviews… and so it goes.
How will you know if you are suffering from burnout? You will know.
Common signs of burnout include feelings of no control, difficulty getting out of bed, feeling disengaged and cynical at work, a lack of satisfaction with your job, being less productive, difficulty concentrating for long periods, and no energy whatsoever.
If you have the opportunity, take a few days off work, do so, and see how you feel. Just taking a complete break over the weekend as much as you can may be helpful.
If resting helps and you are feeling in control, then you might just be fatigued. If you have any of the above signs and are unable to sleep, please speak with a specialist - a GP is a good place to start.
It may seem selfish of you to rest, that's how it felt for me. It is not selfish; rest is a necessary part of revitalisation. We are not robots.
As for work, if you are unable to negotiate your workload with your boss, leave a copy of this post on their desk. I am happy to take their phone call or email.
Let's talk!
Managing Tough Times!
A job we didn’t get. A relationship that didn’t work out. A goal we didn’t reach. A ...
How often do we set expectations, whether on ourselves, on others, or on outcomes, only to feel let down by the outcome.
Disappointment is a quiet type of grief, more so if we had an emotional expectation with it.
And it brings along its friends – anger, denial, regret, guilt, fear, sadness - sometimes feeling all at once.
Neuroscience shows us that disappointment activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain.
The brain doesn’t distinguish much between a broken bone and a broken heart.
Thankfully, we can train our brains to handle disappointment better.
Nothing changes from dealing with other forms of grief or when managing any dramatic situation.
1. Name the emotion - label what you feel. “I’m disappointed,” “I feel let down,” “I am hurt.” This reduces activity in the amygdala.
2. Practice self-compassion – Instead of asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ ask ‘What happened?’ Treat yourself like you would a friend, this releases oxytocin and calms stress.
3. Reframe what happened - Disappointment often comes from unmet expectations. Don’t think of what happened as a failure, just a redirection of the expectation. This helps us move from rumination to resilience.
4. Breathe, breathe, breathe – Slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body and mind.
5. Connect – Disappointment makes us want to isolate; connection heals. Talk to someone, share your story, listen as others share theirs.
Whether it’s the sting of rejection, the ache of unmet goals, or the heartbreak of betrayal, disappointment is part of life.
And so is hope, so is growth, so is the ability to rise again.
If you’re feeling disappointed today, know that you are not alone, you are not broken, and this moment doesn’t define who you are.
As with everything, good or bad - let’s talk!
Just Breathe!
Heart attack, cancer, restructure, divorce, mental health – one or more of those words would likely take you back to a memory, which might cause your mood to change.
Our brain is wired to retain negative events across our lifetime to keep us alert so that we are prepared should the same situation occur again. These are often referred to as triggers.
You read a word, the amygdala tagged it with an emotion, and then you went to the hippocampus where memories are stored, to think of the person or people associated with that word, meaning you did not connect with the prefrontal cortex where logic sits.
If you did connect with the PFC you would have thought – It's just a word I'm reading, so there is no real danger – however, cortisol from the adrenal glands was released to bring full attention because of the reminder of that risk.
Should you ever be in a situation where you get triggered, you have two options to reduce the effect. The first is to take a big, deep breath and sigh.
When we are triggered, we short breathe, our alveoli collapse, and we do not get sufficient oxygen into our brain for it to work correctly. When we sigh all the alveoli collapse then fully reinflate to purge the brain of cortisol.
When in front of a person, sighing is not an option - it's likely to have the opposite effect of what you want!
The second option is to breathe out fully as slowly as you can. Try it now, breathe out very slowly. Do you feel calmer?
When we breathe in our heart rate increases, when we breathe out our heart rate decreases.
The faster we breathe, the faster our heart beats, the faster our brain thinks. Breathing out first then breathing in and out slowly will control our rate of thoughts and reduce our negative reactions.
It's taken me some practice, and that practice is ongoing. The more we practice, the better we become - just like anything else.
Breathing is the only thing we can do to reduce our thoughts in the immediate situation. Thinking comes after exhaling.
If I can do it, you can too. Just breathe out!
Let's talk!
Growth!
Recently, I was sent two photos.
One taken when I first began my Diploma in Positive Psychology and Well-being course through the Langley Group, the other taken seven years later after completing the same course again.
In the first photo, I see someone who looks unsure, innocent even. Someone who appears lost and is hoping to find something rewarding.
A person simply going through the motions, hoping something would change but not quite knowing how, when, or why.
Searching for purpose but not yet finding it. Lost!
In the second photo, I see someone different. Still the same person, but more grounded.
More confident, more healthy, more happy. Someone who has found their direction and, more importantly, their purpose.
What changed?
This journey wasn’t just about learning new theories or earning a qualification, which is what I initially set out to do.
It was about unlearning old patterns, facing uncomfortable truths, and slowly yet often painfully growing into the person I knew I had to become.
I was not a bad person; I just wasn’t a nice one. I cared, I loved, I supported – yet there was something missing.
We know what we know because of how we were treated, because of how we learned from others, because of the actions of those we loved.
Knowing something is not right is the first step; the next is to find out what that something is.
I never thought I would find out as much about myself as I did when completing this diploma. And it hurt!
I sometimes have watery eyes as I think about how I was to how I am now. Not perfect, more human.
I’m sure many of you have been in the same situation. Feeling that something is missing, something needs changing, something just doesn’t feel right.
If you’re feeling lost, uncertain, or like you’re just going through the motions, please know this: change doesn’t come in a flash.
Sometimes it takes years. But every small step matters. Every moment of doubt, every little win, every lesson – they all add up to a powerful transformation.
And, one day, you will look back at an old photo and smile. Not because you’ve arrived, but because you’ve grown.
Growing hurts, but growth is so rewarding.
What small things can you do to improve yourself and grow?
Let’s talk!
When Pets Become Family!
When a Pet Becomes Family – And Then Leaves Us
Lately, I have been seeing numerous posts across all social media platforms about the loss of a pet.
It's the kind of grief that sneaks up on us. They sit beside us in our darkest moments and celebrate with us in our brightest.
They ask for nothing but love, and give it unconditionally.
What makes it even more painful for many of us is that our pets are the ones we can tell everything to without fear of judgment.
Our worries, our secrets, our fears. They listen, and they sit with us. And when they’re gone, it feels like a part of our soul has gone with them.
When we lost our last family pet, George, I wasn’t prepared for the depth of emotion.
The house felt quieter, emptier. I kept expecting to hear the familiar sound of paws, the gentle nudge for attention, the look that said, I’m here, and I love you.
What surprised me most was how raw the grief felt. It wasn’t just sadness, it was heartbreak. It broke us all!
And yet, in that pain, I found something beautiful - the reminder of how deeply we had loved George.
To anyone who’s lost a furry (or feathered or scaled) friend, I see you.
Your pain is real. Your love was real. And your memories are forever.
If you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear about the pet who changed your life.
Let’s honour them together.
And, let’s talk about them!