A job we didn’t get. A relationship that didn’t work out. A goal we didn’t reach. A ...
How often do we set expectations, whether on ourselves, on others, or on outcomes, only to feel let down by the outcome.
Disappointment is a quiet type of grief, more so if we had an emotional expectation with it.
And it brings along its friends – anger, denial, regret, guilt, fear, sadness - sometimes feeling all at once.
Neuroscience shows us that disappointment activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain.
The brain doesn’t distinguish much between a broken bone and a broken heart.
Thankfully, we can train our brains to handle disappointment better.
Nothing changes from dealing with other forms of grief or when managing any dramatic situation.
1. Name the emotion - label what you feel. “I’m disappointed,” “I feel let down,” “I am hurt.” This reduces activity in the amygdala.
2. Practice self-compassion – Instead of asking ‘What’s wrong with me?’ ask ‘What happened?’ Treat yourself like you would a friend, this releases oxytocin and calms stress.
3. Reframe what happened - Disappointment often comes from unmet expectations. Don’t think of what happened as a failure, just a redirection of the expectation. This helps us move from rumination to resilience.
4. Breathe, breathe, breathe – Slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body and mind.
5. Connect – Disappointment makes us want to isolate; connection heals. Talk to someone, share your story, listen as others share theirs.
Whether it’s the sting of rejection, the ache of unmet goals, or the heartbreak of betrayal, disappointment is part of life.
And so is hope, so is growth, so is the ability to rise again.
If you’re feeling disappointed today, know that you are not alone, you are not broken, and this moment doesn’t define who you are.
As with everything, good or bad - let’s talk!
Managing Tough Times!