There are two kinds of dreams, the ones at night while the brain goes through its natural defrag process, and the ones in which we look ahead to a future event that seems beyond our reach.
The latter type of dream is helpful in many ways. They excite us, they motivate us, they inspire us, and they give us direction or purpose.
Dreams are more than just goals - they are beyond what we might otherwise think that we can achieve.
Goals are great, I am a big proponent of setting goals whilst also letting them restrict us. It is said that goals should be SMART, and that's okay for work. Personal goals work far better if they stretch us and we dare to dream what we could truly achieve.
Sometimes, we achieve dreams without even realising that we had ever dreamed them. They come in moments of reflection. These moments happen to me at times when I am just about to go on stage.
I left school aged 15 without any qualifications, that's the earliest you were permitted to leave.
I rose in my chosen career to become a construction manager with a bright future, then decided to join the police at the age of 35.
Following a bout of depression mid-career, I rose to a very senior rank with another bright future - only to leave at the age of 56 to start a business from scratch.
Dreams are not foolish, dreams are not for the dreamers, and dreams certainly are not a waste of energy.
And, sometimes dreams come true without you even knowing that they were ever a dream of yours.
How did I ever get here? In the same way that you can, keep moving forward. So, what is your dream, for they can indeed come true!
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Sorry May Just Be The Hardest Word!
Sorry May Just Be The Hardest Word
As I journey through my diploma in positive psychology and well-being, I am uncovering profound truths about myself. And sometimes, these revelations cut deep.
I must confess, I haven't always been a kind person. I've said and done things that I deeply regret.
I lashed out when things didn't go my way, when I felt challenged, or simply to inflate my own importance.
In the process, I hurt people. I said things that were vile and unforgivable. I was a terrible person. And for that, I am truly, deeply sorry.
To those I've hurt, to those I've challenged, to those I've stepped on to elevate myself - I am sorry.
I could blame my overactive mind, but that would diminish the sincerity of my apology. It's not an excuse, merely an explanation, and it should never be used as a crutch.
Elton John and Bernie Taupin captured it perfectly, "Sorry seems to be the hardest word."
Saying sorry is hard because it forces us to confront our pride and ego. It makes us vulnerable, exposing our flaws and mistakes.
It's also difficult because of the fear of rejection. What if our apology isn't accepted? That fear can be paralysing.
Admitting fault can be uncomfortable and scary. It goes against social norms that often view apologies as a sign of weakness.
In my case, it stemmed from a lack of empathy—a failure to understand the impact of my actions on others.
Sorry is a small word with immense weight. It's crucial to say it with genuine regret when we make mistakes.
A direct apology, as soon as possible after realising our error, is always best.
Apologise for the hurt, the pain, the humiliation, and the damage caused.
Sorry is a simple word, but it must be said with sincerity, not just to move on.
Sorry.
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How Do You Relax?
I last about an hour if I have nothing to do, I get fidgety when on holiday just sitting by the beach, I like being near the shops ...you get the picture. I get bored very easily.
Each of us is very different. Some relax by staying on the go, others by reading a book, others by exercise, and the list goes on.
I now say do what it is that makes you feel the most relaxed. 'Do one thing a day that makes you smile' is my new mantra.
Research tells us that we should take time out to rest, relax, and recuperate. And we should, but it's how we do this that is different for each of us. Research is great, I base all my work on contemporary research. But at the end of the day, research is 'for the majority'.
Adhering strictly to what others say that you should do may have the reverse effect, it may make you worry that you aren't doing what you should be doing because others said that you should.
I knew someone who was told he should exercise more so he took up running. He hated running but drove himself to do it because he was told it would be good for him. It's just like giving up an unhealthy habit, we know it is bad and that we should stop, but this worry simply adds another layer to the unhealthy habit.
So how do you relax? Do what you believe is right for you, you are unique and if it feels right, then it probably is.
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You Should Do This!
You should eat this.
You shouldn't eat that.
You should exercise more.
You shouldn't exercise like that.
You should stop drinking.
Relax, just have a couple of drinks.
You should be productive.
You shouldn't work so much.
One of life's pressures for some of us is to try and change who we are according to what our family, friends, professionals, society or others say we should do.
It's good to be fit, it's good to be mindful of what we eat, it's good to have a work/life balance, it's good to keep our minds occupied, and it's good to conform to norms when appropriate.
The problem that some of us have is that many of us spend far too much time trying to follow a strict regime, trying to get the work/life balance right, trying to conform to what others suggest of us - trying to meet all of the expectations of others and of ourselves.
A classic pressure that we put ourselves under relates to our physical health - we need to eat right, drink right, eat less, exercise more, the list goes on. Yes, these are all good things to consider, but so is your mind health.
Striving to do all of the aforementioned suggestions places us under pressure, pressure that can easily turn to anxiety and stress if we believe we aren't meeting those expectations.
Our brains are wired in such a way that it is often difficult to make changes in our lives because what we want to change is deeply ingrained in or brain. It takes to sixty (60) to eighty (80) days to change a habit. Just one, single, solitary habit.
To reduce this tension that goes on inside of our heads, choose just one thing that you want to change in your life, something that will make a real difference to you, something that you want dearly to achieve. Then, focus on that single thing for eighty days minimum. When this new habit has become instinctive, i.e. a habit you no longer have to think about, pick just one more thing to change.
Over a year, you shouldn't try to change more than three habits, your brain won't like it. If you try to change too much at once your brain will become overloaded and will resist the changes.
Each of us is very different, and that is what makes the world an interesting place.
Keep doing your best - that's more than enough. And remember, your best will look different each day.
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Should I Go Back To The office?
Should I Go Back To The Office?
After a few disruptive years of working from home, the global workforce is now split in various ways.
Around 43% of people have returned to working exclusively in the office. About 20% remain fully remote, working from home or other locations.
The rest of us are navigating a hybrid model, splitting our time between home and the office.
I cherish the days I work from home, developing programmes or presenting workshops online. But I also value the days I travel across the country and into Australia, meeting people face-to-face. Actual, real people.
Working fully remotely comes with its own set of challenges, and the latest research from neuroscience sheds light on these impacts:
1. Cognitive Load: Managing multiple communication tools and platforms can increase cognitive load, leading to mental fatigue and decreased productivity.
2. Social Isolation: The lack of in-person interaction can lead to feelings of loneliness and social isolation. We are social beings who thrive on connection.
3. Work-Life Balance: While remote work offers flexibility, it can blur the boundaries between work and personal life leading to overworking and burnout if not managed.
4. Stress and Anxiety: The constant connectivity and pressure to always be available can increase stress and anxiety levels.
5. Physical Health: Prolonged remote work can lead to sedentary behaviour, negatively impacting physical health and, consequently, brain health.
On the positive side, remote work can enhance neuroplasticity by encouraging the development of new skills and adaptability.
Navigating new technologies and work environments can stimulate brain growth and cognitive flexibility.
If you are working fully remotely, it's important to consider the impact on your well-being.
Those sometimes-annoying micro-conversations we have in the workplace that often disrupt us can also connect us.
They remind us that we are not alone, that there are others like us who face similar challenges.
Although our cognitive functions are adapting to remote work and electronic communication, we still need social connections.
There is a reason we sign off our posts with the words – let’s talk. It is imperative that we all do so, even if we might not always enjoy it.
Let’s talk!