A selfish post about my third book – Anxiety is a Worry
Anxiety can feel like a storm raging inside, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
It's that constant knot in our stomach, the racing thoughts that won't let us rest with the fear of the unknown that keeps us on edge.
Anxiety is waking up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, unable to catch our breath. It's the weight on our chest that makes it hard to move, to think, to breathe!
Amid the chaos, it’s worth remembering: we’re not alone. So many others are fighting the same battles, even when it feels like we’re the only one.
They say that it's okay to feel this way.
That it's okay to ask for help.
That it's okay to take a step back and breathe.
There are moments of light, of peace, of strength. Remember those moments, you can if you try.
Anxiety impacts in several ways:
❤️🩹 Physical Symptoms – There can be a constant feeling of restlessness or being, on edge and sometimes even muscle tension or headaches.
❤️🩹Mental Strain: Our mind is in overdrive, constantly worrying about the future or replaying past events.
❤️🩹Emotional Turmoil: We feel a range of intense emotions, from fear and dread to irritability and frustration. There might be moments of overwhelming sadness.
❤️🩹Social Impact: Socialising can be daunting, worrying excessively about what others think of you or fear of judgment and rejection.
❤️🩹Daily Challenges: Simple tasks can feel monumental. Getting out of bed, showering, going to school or work all seem too much.
❤️🩹Sleep Disturbances: We have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing restless nights filled with vivid dreams or nightmares.
You will get through this; you can overcome this and there are many ways of doing so.
The first step is seeking professional help. Then, it is a matter of finding what works for you through trial, after trial, after trial.
We are all stronger than we think we are - if we learn to silence the chatter and calm our minds.
Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one breath at a time. It all adds up.
Let’s talk!
Bring Certainty to an Uncertain World.
Life feels overwhelming for many of us currently, myself included. There is so much uncertainty which plays on our minds. Our brain prefers certainty and it’s currently not there.
Money is the biggest worry for most people, there is never enough. Housing, education, our health and well-being, safety and the environment. All are big topics that also consume our thoughts.
I often talk about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how important it is to focus on the basics to bring certainty to our life – food, water, shelter, air and sleep.
Focusing on these essentials will bring certainty and ground us. What if this is not enough to reduce our worry?
In our fast-paced and often unpredictable world, finding other ways to bring certainty and reduce worry can be incredibly valuable.
Here are a few strategies that might help:
1. Establish routines – Having a daily routine can provide a sense of stability and predictability through structure.
2. Stay informed, but limit news consumption – Being informed about our world is essential, but too much, especially negative news, can increase worry. Find a balance that keeps you informed without overwhelming you.
3. Practice mindfulness – Breathing practices can help you stay in the present moment and reduce anxiety about the future. Breathing in & out at 6-second intervals for 2 minutes is enough.
4. Set realistic goals – Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. This makes tasks feel less daunting and provides a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step.
5. Build a support network – Surround yourself with supportive friends and/or family. Talking about our worries with someone we trust can provide relief and perspective.
6. Focus on what you can control – Many things in life are beyond our control, focusing on what we can control and taking proactive steps in those areas can reduce feelings of helplessness.
7. Engage in physical activity – Regular exercise can reduce stress and improve your mood. It doesn't have to be intense; even a daily walk can be beneficial.
Remember, it's okay to feel worried sometimes, but taking small proactive steps to manage that worry will help you feel more in control through certainty.
Let's talk!
I Can't Sleep!
For years, I was the worst sleeper. If I got four hours, I was ecstatic. I tried everything - reading countless books, testing every trick, and tweaking my routine over and over.
Eventually, I figured out what makes the biggest difference.
Three factors have a significant impact on sleep – time, temperature, and light. The cave where you sleep needs to be dark and cold and you need to go to bed at the same time each night. These tips won't work for everyone, but here are the basics of what works for the majority;
👉 Exercise every day – a 30-minute walk is the recommended minimum; at the end of the day is great for sleep as it helps us burn off the built-up stress from the day
👉 Coffee: Try to stick to just two cups per day and never after 3 pm.
👉 Don’t use a smartphone or tablet within 1 hour of bedtime.
👉 Have a hot shower one hour before bed - as the brain cools, it sends a signal that it is night-time.
👉 Have dinner at least four hours before bedtime and don’t eat too much.
👉 Have a small piece of protein right at bedtime to help stop you from waking at 3 am.
👉 Try to go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each day – this forms a sleep pattern.
👉 Think about one thing and one thing only. Concentrate on that one thing – a happy place, an inanimate object, something that stops other thoughts coming into your head.
👉 Easy to say but hard to do - relax in knowing that you will get to sleep eventually and that you won’t be as tired the following day as you think you might be.
👉 Try to stick to the same pattern every night. Any changes to your pattern will influence your brain and you will have to restart the pattern.
Lastly, it takes a while for your body and brain to adapt to change so don't do something different every night - it is the smallest changes done consistently that make the biggest difference.
If you are someone who really struggles with sleep and needs a few more tips to try, we have constructed a document that you may find helpful.
Head to our website, scroll down and hit the sleep tips button and we'll send you back our sleep tips document, free of charge, no catches.
Emotional Intelligence
Why is emotional intelligence and empathy critical in a world of increased anger and violence?
Simply, to reduce the amount of anger and aggression that is currently getting out of control and causing harm.
Most of us have heard of emotional intelligence, otherwise known as EQ. EQ is not about understanding the emotions of the other person, it is about understanding you!
The definition of emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of, to control, and to express our own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress.
The second part of the definition of emotional intelligence is to manage interpersonal relationships with empathy.
Often, disgruntled customers are unaware of how to express their own emotions in positive ways, hence the current increase in anger and aggression, we get triggered and react too fast.
It is not that the customer doesn’t understand emotional intelligence, they just lack the ability to engage EQ because they have been triggered.
Hurting people, hurt people. They are venting.
It was once said that empathy is seeing it from someone else’s position or standing in their shoes. This is unhelpful as each of us reacts differently in the same situation.
If we are dealing with someone who is venting, empathy is used by acknowledging what they have said OR the situation they find themselves in.
It is also known as validation -
'I see your point.'
'I hear what you are saying.'
'I get what you are saying.'
Or, my preferred phrase, 'Let’s see what’s happened.'
What about if we are the customer who is caught in the trap of venting first and thinking later?
There are five steps to manage our emotions in a positive way when we are triggered that we can also learn from:
1. Being self-aware of our triggers – we feel the anger rise.
2. Calm ourselves immediately – breathe out slowly.
3. Focus on seeking a solution – it is not always what the person in front of us has done, it is more often the situation that caused our trigger.
4. Using positive language – focus on how the situation can be fixed rather than reacting to our feelings.
5. Expressing gratitude – a simple yet genuine ‘thank you’ and an apology if we inadvertently said something unprofessional.
If we want to gain control over this current escalation in anger, aggression and violence, we all must play our part.
Let’s talk!
Will I Ever Be Normal Again?
Will I ever be 'normal' again? Will I be free to work as hard as I used to without fear of going 'mad'? Will I always be worried about what others think and say about me? Will I ever be totally ‘free’?
The answer is, as it is with most things, yes and. Or as we say in New Zealand - "Yeah nah!"
I learned a lot when I went through my event.
I learned that I should never have worked 12-hour days continuously for years on end.
I learned that the mind is just as fragile as the body and if you mistreat it your brain will break just like the body.
I learned that I am not indestructible after all.
Going through my recovery was one of true discovery. Everything went from dark to light, opaque to clear, hazy to bright, cloudy to sunny. It didn’t happen overnight, it took a few years, three to five as they say.
I discovered that the brain is more important than the body. That it never rests, that it makes stuff up, that it exaggerates the negative, that it will get away on me if I let it, and that it is me who ultimately has control of my brain.
I also discovered that I must take care of my brain:
I must rest it when it is tired.
I must exercise it when it has been dormant.
I can work as hard as I want provided I don’t do so for years on end.
I must stop (over) reacting to my negative thoughts.
I must trust my gut instinct more.
I find now that I am more emotional than I ever was. I am more connected with those around me, that I am more caring about what others think and say, that I should try and help others as much as I can, that how I behave impacts on others without me ever knowing it both positively and negatively. I am more sensitive than I would ever have thought a person should or could be, and that’s a good thing.
Mostly what I learned is that I have been to a place that many of us have been to and recovered from, that I am not alone, that what I went through is normal if you don’t look after yourself, that I should have listened to those around me who had ‘been there and done that’, that I am human after all.
I wouldn’t want to change any of the effects for anything, I am living life to the fullest.
Let's talk!