I can't remember my first keynote presentation, it was all a blur. I paced the stage going through a presentation by simply following the slides. Apparently, it went okay - but I could not tell.
I got off stage thinking “How do people do this for a living?” And then the rush of adrenaline wore off, replaced by dopamine and endorphins which left me feeling elated.
Having always challenged myself to overcome my fears I saw it now as a challenge to continue keynote speaking alongside the workshops we were running for businesses.
We know now it is important to overcome our fears, or at least do our best to.
I had a fear of heights which, ironically, led me to take up skydiving. While it didn’t cure my fear, it was an extreme experience that taught me a lot about myself.
Perhaps it was the near-death experience of hurtling towards earth when all you can think about is pulling the ripcord that brings clarity to every sense.
As a crisis negotiator, undertaking suicide interventions was another fear I had to overcome. How will I start the conversation, how will I keep the conversation going, what if I say the wrong thing, what if they jump!
Fortunately, no one ever jumped, and I again learned a lot about myself and about others and how to hold a conversation no matter how intense it might be.
Keynote speaking hasn’t come naturally to me. Even after 11 years of speaking, I still get butterflies before every keynote. So why do I keep doing it?
Why do I keep putting myself up on stage under pressure, why don't I just focus on presenting our workshops in a controlled environment?
It is the challenge to overcome my fears that motivates me.
My largest audience to date for a keynote was over 2000 people where I was the opening address at a conference. I was told I was the opener just before going onstage. Awesome, that little rush of fear produced an amazing presentation.
These days I am often asked to open or close a conference which is truly an honour. I also love the most difficult time for keynotes, the first speaker after lunch! I refer to that slot as the graveyard shift, as most people are recovering from lunch.
There was a time early on when I decided to stop being a keynote presenter. I viewed the nerves as stress rather than what I should have viewed it as – being at my best to overcome the challenge.
As soon as I saw it differently it became easier. Excitement and anxiety are processed in the same part of the brain and share the same physical symptoms. Perhaps I was simply seeing it wrong.
Whilst I still get nervous before every keynote - it is those nerves that keep me focused, at my best and provide me with humility.
Stepping out of our comfort zone to overcome our fears is a powerful experience, seeing it differently can be even more powerful.
Let's talk!
Stop Arguing With Me!
I'm often asked if I'm able to provide advice about 'those' customers who continue to argue their points and do not accept what they are told by the service representative.
Some people just like to argue, regardless of what you tell them.
There are several ways to manage this type of person. The best way I have found is to make it all about them, more than you would with others. Use sentences like "You make a great point" or "I can see where you are coming from."
The difficulty arises when you can't actually help them. For example, company policy means you can't do what the customer is asking of you. Honesty is the best policy but with an explanation as to why. I call it 'the reason for the reason'.
Policies are developed for two reasons;
- To protect the company
- To protect the customer
Often we will say, "I'm sorry but I can't do what you are asking because it is our company policy". You know what the customer hears when we say this - "We have rules for situations like this and I can't change them".
Try explaining to the customer why the policies are in place, to protect them.
Something like, "Lance, I apologise that I cannot do any more for you. We value our customers and have policies in place which are designed to protect everyone".
Finish off the conversation by giving the customer something that they can take away, it need not be tangible although this would be more helpful. It could be as simple as “What I am going to do is to mention your situation to my supervisor as you raise a valid point”.
Always do what you say you are going to and don’t over-promise. Under-promise and over-deliver.
The bottom line, sometimes people will need a reality check!
Let's talk!
My Brain Is Working Hard, Too Hard It Seems!
2024 has been a tough year for many people, myself included. Whether it's rising costs, health, business or perhaps just nothing seeming like it's going to plan.
What's happening in this crazy world where everything seems more difficult, people appear more brittle, and life seems so overwhelming at times?
Neurologically it has been confirmed through research that all our brains are working hard.
We are not spending enough time thinking about the right things to solve our problems. Thinking is done in the prefrontal cortex where logic sits. If we don't start working on our problems, we stay within the limbic system - where it is ourselves talking to ourselves about ourselves.
I sometimes forget what I do for a job and just sit feeling despondent and wondering when this tough time will end. As I write this, I'm coming out of such a moment.
It ends for me right now, how about for you?
I'm not going to tell you that you need to go for a walk, to do something you enjoy, to think of three positive things, to do breathing techniques, or to connect with someone else. Not if you don't feel like doing those things.
They are all good for you, in fact they are very good for you, but sometimes we just need to focus on moving forward - one step at a time.
Writing this post has been incredibly helpful in bringing attention to what is happening inside my own head. Writing is great for us because it brings attention to the areas in our lives that need focus, it brings clarity of thought, it puts things into a detached perspective - it is as though another person is writing.
Writing will never replace talking with someone, with a real person, someone with whom we can share and care about our challenges. But what can you do if you don't feel up for talking, or don't know who to talk with?
If you feel like everything is overwhelming at the moment, write the answers to these questions on a piece of paper:
1️⃣ What are you going through?
2️⃣ How is it making you feel?
3️⃣ What can you do about it to move forward?
If you get to step 3 and can't think of anything to do about your challenge, then maybe your solution for now is simply to keep moving forward - step by step, day by day.
Picking yourself up and carrying on is not easy, in fact, some never can without continued support from something or someone. Finding a way back up is different for us all, the common ground is that you need to keep going. Keep reading, keep writing, keep talking, and work hard to find what will work for you.
Forward is the way we are heading and that is where we need to direct our focus. Always remember that.
What is in our past is in our past, it is the future that we should now focus on.
Let’s talk!
Oh No, It's Monday!
Oh no, Monday has arrived.
And there are five long days to go until party time. So what is going to happen this week?
I can expect a flurry of excitement once I arrive at work as people talk about their weekend, that will last about 15 minutes. This will be followed by a busy time working out what I have to do today, that's another 10 minutes gone.
Then I will have the obligatory Monday morning meeting because all of the information given to me on Friday has somehow fallen out of our heads over the weekend. That meeting will go on for far too long, at least we are now at 10 am. Now what?
Oh, that's right, morning tea! Now we can sit around and talk about what a great weekend we all had and the latest tv series we're watching, just like we did 2 hours ago. Perhaps a bit more detail though and a bit more laughing.
Back to the desk, let's start work. First email, nope, I'll do that one later because it looks like too much effort. On to the next email, they want me to do what?! I'll need clarification on that, so let's send it back to delay it more and look at the next one.
Third time lucky, I can do this one. Wow, look at the time, it's 10:30 already.
Time's just flying by. And so it goes for the next six hours, then the next day, and then hump day (the middle of the week), then Thursday is after hump day, and so I will slump down again.
Friday is here at last, which means the weekend is just one day away!
Don't Friday's just fly by? Talk to someone on a Friday and they will tell you how busy they are, and they are busy trying to get the work done that they were supposed to be doing over the last four days.
I wonder what would happen if I treated every day like a Friday?
If I got stuck into my work and went flat out, whilst at the same time - I was excited for the weekend ahead.
Time would certainly fly by and I would get a lot of work done. I wouldn't be procrastinating over the work I hated doing, having it weigh me down day to day.
Throughout the week when I felt down, I could look forward to the end of the day, to the weekend coming up, to something exciting I had to do in a few weeks’ time, or maybe even start planning an overseas holiday. That would keep my brain distracted and happy when I felt a bit down. Mind you if I got stuck into my work I probably wouldn’t feel so down, I would be achieving something, feeling like I was part of a team, feeling a sense of satisfaction - isn't dopamine great?
Or I could just wallow in 'Mondayitis' :)
How do you get through the week?
Let's talk!
Diffuse Emotions in Conversations
How can we diffuse emotions in difficult conversations? 🧐The secret is to never let an emotion pass without acknowledging it in some way.
Here’s how we acknowledge emotions in crisis communications, and how you can start implementing it into your conversations.
In crisis intervention, we say "You sound ...." and then describe the emotion. For example, you would say "You sound angry" to a person who is yelling.
While this works in crisis situations it is too extreme for everyday communications.
👉 Phrases such as “This sounds important to you, I can hear that”, or “I can hear that you are frustrated” are good emotion labels for angry people.
If someone tells us about a tragic event, many of us say “I’m sorry for your loss”. This works, but when we use the word sorry, it can have an impact on us personally - sorry is very much a personal word.
💡 It might be better to say “I can’t imagine what that is like” or “Would you like to take a minute” or perhaps “How can I make this easier for you?” You are still acknowledging the emotion (sadness) but keeping it at arms-length.
Don’t worry if you don’t get the emotion correct, the person will soon tell you 🫢. They might say "Angry, you have no idea!" or "I'm not angry, I am just damn well frustrated".
You might reply "Tell me more about what happened" to the angry people or "Let's get this sorted quickly for you" to the sad.
Remember that it is all about them, not you. Focus on their needs first and your reward will follow.
Let's talk!