For me, burnout didn't hit all at once—it crept in gradually, almost unnoticed. Looking back, the signs were there, but they were easy to miss.
If the signs were obvious, we’d all be better at preventing it.
It was not that I was working too hard, or that I was working long hours or that I never took time to rest; it was because I lost all sense of control in my work.
I was hit with a double whammy, an accumulation of stressful situations in my work along with having numerous leave applications declined. When leave was granted, I would study. I have never been one to rest.
Hard work is not something I have ever shied away from.
When I was younger, I would keep busy and by the age of 11 was mowing lawns and delivering newspapers for money. Weekends were filled with work around the home in the garden.
Hard work provided a sense of solitude, offering a break from my constantly overthinking mind. The feeling of accomplishment, coupled with the praise from others that followed, became a reward in itself.
Fast forward to a police career 24 years later - I was doing the same thing, working hard to progress through the ranks.
Known causes of burnout at work include a heavy workload with long hours, struggling with a work-life balance, a mismatch of values, unfair treatment, and insufficient autonomy, all leaving the person with a feeling of having little or no control.
The first realisation that something was wrong was when I began self-medicating, firstly to get a better night's sleep, and latterly throughout the day. Anything to stop the onslaught of negative self-talk.
It wasn't until a suicidal ideation that I truly knew I needed help urgently. A diagnosis of accumulated stress disorder led to both psychological support, and the journey of self-discovery.
The initial diagnosis was emotionally overwhelming, but also brought a sense of relief—knowing that others had faced and overcome a similar challenge.
Regardless of how determined, strong, or powerful we think we might be, there is always a risk of burnout if we do not maintain control over what we do.
Fast forward further to today.
Although I've never worked harder as a business owner now, the inability to say no is my choice. That's how I'm now able to maintain a sense of control.
Each of us is different therefore we must find our own way of managing our workloads.
If you wish to prevent burnout, it's crucial to maintain control of your life in a way that fosters balance—on your terms.
How do you maintain balance and a sense of control in your life?
Let's talk!
I Am Not A Writer, But..
I don't consider myself a writer, however, the publisher refers to me as one.
For me, writing a book was possibly the biggest challenge I have undertaken, apart from standing up in front of an audience as a keynote speaker.
With no formal education in writing, the process of doing so initially felt overwhelming. For my first book, I leaned heavily on my police notebooks, using them as a foundation and expanding on the details from there.
I couldn’t shake the lingering questions: What will others think? Will they like it? Or will it fall flat?
Writing about the tragic events I encountered during my time with the police was both cathartic and highly emotional. Getting those experiences out onto paper helped me process and rationalise what had happened. Yet, in doing so, I was often transported back to those emotional moments. One particular incident took five attempts to write. Each time, I found myself in tears, reliving the tragedy and pain of others.
Following an encounter with depression and many of life’s challenges while in the police, I spent a lot of time learning about myself. I then studied the brain which was a selfish pursuit - I wanted to know why I was different to others, why I wasn't ‘normal’.
What I didn't realise was in doing so, I was preparing to write a second book.
In the course of learning about the brain, I read loads of research and numerous books written by a range of specialists. Adding practical experience to this knowledge through running workshops in my business, it was an easy decision to write another book. All this information should be available and accessible to others.
The book was initially meant to be humorous, with the title Our Bullshit Brain.
However, after the loss of a close family member, I decided to reshape it into something that could help others. Writing this book helped me to work through the tragedy our family had faced, and yet again, it was a painful experience.
I never intended to write a third book. Two bestsellers, anyone would be happy with that. So when asked to write a third, my immediate response was, 'No!' But eventually, I was persuaded to write again.
Distractions are aplenty in today's world, and I found them all, trying to avoid the extraordinary effort to complete each book.
I believe all of us have the ability to write a good book, at least one.
Each of us has unique experiences in our life and for those who have been through life's struggles, it is our duty to share that journey in some format.
Work chronologically - lay out the facts, add in the details, and don't forget the emotions.
Just as emotions are required in life, so are they when writing. All it takes is for you to tap into those emotions that you hide away. Get them out of your head as though you are writing for yourself, and others will want to read them.
In writing a book you're not only helping others, but you are also helping yourself and that's not being selfish. It is a selfless act!
Let's talk!
Focus On Being Yourself, It's Much Easier!
We tend to have two personas - one for work and one for home. Having a professional persona is expected of us, rightly so. However, when that professional persona contrasts with your natural persona we need to expend more effort and energy in a work setting.
On occasion, our professional persona holds us back because we worry about what others might think of us. This can be a drain on our resources. You will know if you have two personas because it’s something you must cognitively switch on and switch off.
To be at our very best and able to withstand the challenges of our work, being our natural self takes less effort and means we can improve our natural self for both home and work.
One of the best ways of improving our self is to seek honest negative feedback from others. Admittedly it can be hard to hear. In each piece of feedback, there is something to learn from.
I never knew I had unusual facial expressions until it was coldly pointed out to me in written feedback – “and as for those unusual expressions on his face…”
What unusual expressions?
I went back and reviewed photographs that were taken of me on stage, there were some great faces that even I don’t know what they meant! Did I change my facial expressions, no. Do I tell the audience about them, yes. Why, so that they know I am me, a genuine person. What some might see as a flaw, I see as being who I am.
There is a direct correlation between the more that I can be my natural self and the increase in positive comments from the audience and our clients. Here is just one example:
"A massive heartfelt thank you Lance. We have been inundated with amazing feedback from our team, you were so adored by all! The Team is already using your techniques so that is an instant win. Appreciate the incredible human being that you are and sharing your authentic self with us – it was so refreshing.
PS – the team loved that you spoke to yourself in third person and are keen to hear more about that if you could share a few words on that? (interestingly I do this myself when I am having a pep talk with myself). Superstar status!"
I had no idea that I referred to myself in third person during presentations until it was pointed out in this feedback. I sent back after contemplating why I do this:
"I talk about myself in the 3rd person because my voice is not who I am, many people feel the same way. I never believe what I tell myself, our brain tends to make sh*t up.
Questioning our thoughts and where they come from is the key to understanding ourselves. “We can believe ourselves, or we can believe IN ourselves”. There is a big difference."
If I was to offer one suggestion to the world, apart from controlling your breathing to control your thoughts, is to be your authentic self.
Be proud of who you are, be strong in who you are, and have joy in who you are. Be you, and work on being you, for you are truly special!
Let’s talk!
Was It Just A Bad Moment?
Was it a bad day, or just a bad moment in your day? It's tempting to throw the whole day away after receiving a negative comment.
All of us have the desire to do our best, to be the best, and to please others. The only way to be the best and to improve is to read the negative feedback and use it to our advantage.
When we receive bad feedback, first we need to make sure we differentiate criticism from feedback.
🤝 Feedback is about providing positive and negative comments in a way that is non-confrontational.
🫵 Criticism is about passing judgement and fault finding.
The next time you receive negative feedback, read it once, leave it, come back to it, and see how you can use it to make a positive change.
Let's talk!
Engaging In Negotiations!
So often when we are in emotional situations we go straight to problem-solving. It is said that men are the worst at this, we just want to help you to get on with things and move forward.
Just like a book has a beginning, middle and end to complete the story, so do negotiations/mediations. However, the order is different.
1️⃣ Start in the middle, what are you facing you right now? Ask the other person, "So what is important to you right now?" Or perhaps, "Let's look at where we are at this moment." This brings everyone to the same state and focuses on the topic.
2️⃣ The next step is to go back in time to examine how you got to the present point. While it is sometimes good to be in the here and now then move forward, in emotional situations you need to find out the underlying issues. Say "I would like to know more about how we came to this point" or "Tell me what happened prior to this point so that I can get a better understanding of your situation."
By doing this, you allow the other person to explain their situation, they will tell you how they 'feel' about things as the story unfolds, and you allow them to vent. Because they vent as they talk to you, their logic brain will engage.
An acknowledged emotion is disarmed. Therefore, use words such as frustrating, confusing, complicated, annoying, etc. Why, because this is the underlying reason (the cause) of anger and rage.
3️⃣ The third step is to move on with a mutual agreement. So often we suggest something first and wait for the response. Try asking the other person "So what would you like to see as an outcome?" If you have allowed the other person to vent adequately and have listened through active listening skills, you would by now have gained a rapport.
By asking them to go first you have made it about them and they will feel obliged to allow you to suggest a resolution.
Stop problem-solving, allow an open discussion, and go back over the past before moving forward. Your negotiation/mediation will be much easier.
Let's talk!