We tend to have two personas - one for work and one for home. Having a professional persona is expected of us, rightly so. However, when that professional persona contrasts with your natural persona we need to expend more effort and energy in a work setting.
On occasion, our professional persona holds us back because we worry about what others might think of us. This can be a drain on our resources. You will know if you have two personas because it’s something you must cognitively switch on and switch off.
To be at our very best and able to withstand the challenges of our work, being our natural self takes less effort and means we can improve our natural self for both home and work.
One of the best ways of improving our self is to seek honest negative feedback from others. Admittedly it can be hard to hear. In each piece of feedback, there is something to learn from.
I never knew I had unusual facial expressions until it was coldly pointed out to me in written feedback – “and as for those unusual expressions on his face…”
What unusual expressions?
I went back and reviewed photographs that were taken of me on stage, there were some great faces that even I don’t know what they meant! Did I change my facial expressions, no. Do I tell the audience about them, yes. Why, so that they know I am me, a genuine person. What some might see as a flaw, I see as being who I am.
There is a direct correlation between the more that I can be my natural self and the increase in positive comments from the audience and our clients. Here is just one example:
"A massive heartfelt thank you Lance. We have been inundated with amazing feedback from our team, you were so adored by all! The Team is already using your techniques so that is an instant win. Appreciate the incredible human being that you are and sharing your authentic self with us – it was so refreshing.
PS – the team loved that you spoke to yourself in third person and are keen to hear more about that if you could share a few words on that? (interestingly I do this myself when I am having a pep talk with myself). Superstar status!"
I had no idea that I referred to myself in third person during presentations until it was pointed out in this feedback. I sent back after contemplating why I do this:
"I talk about myself in the 3rd person because my voice is not who I am, many people feel the same way. I never believe what I tell myself, our brain tends to make sh*t up.
Questioning our thoughts and where they come from is the key to understanding ourselves. “We can believe ourselves, or we can believe IN ourselves”. There is a big difference."
If I was to offer one suggestion to the world, apart from controlling your breathing to control your thoughts, is to be your authentic self.
Be proud of who you are, be strong in who you are, and have joy in who you are. Be you, and work on being you, for you are truly special!
Let’s talk!
Was It Just A Bad Moment?
Was it a bad day, or just a bad moment in your day? It's tempting to throw the whole day away after receiving a negative comment.
All of us have the desire to do our best, to be the best, and to please others. The only way to be the best and to improve is to read the negative feedback and use it to our advantage.
When we receive bad feedback, first we need to make sure we differentiate criticism from feedback.
🤝 Feedback is about providing positive and negative comments in a way that is non-confrontational.
🫵 Criticism is about passing judgement and fault finding.
The next time you receive negative feedback, read it once, leave it, come back to it, and see how you can use it to make a positive change.
Let's talk!
Engaging In Negotiations!
So often when we are in emotional situations we go straight to problem-solving. It is said that men are the worst at this, we just want to help you to get on with things and move forward.
Just like a book has a beginning, middle and end to complete the story, so do negotiations/mediations. However, the order is different.
1️⃣ Start in the middle, what are you facing you right now? Ask the other person, "So what is important to you right now?" Or perhaps, "Let's look at where we are at this moment." This brings everyone to the same state and focuses on the topic.
2️⃣ The next step is to go back in time to examine how you got to the present point. While it is sometimes good to be in the here and now then move forward, in emotional situations you need to find out the underlying issues. Say "I would like to know more about how we came to this point" or "Tell me what happened prior to this point so that I can get a better understanding of your situation."
By doing this, you allow the other person to explain their situation, they will tell you how they 'feel' about things as the story unfolds, and you allow them to vent. Because they vent as they talk to you, their logic brain will engage.
An acknowledged emotion is disarmed. Therefore, use words such as frustrating, confusing, complicated, annoying, etc. Why, because this is the underlying reason (the cause) of anger and rage.
3️⃣ The third step is to move on with a mutual agreement. So often we suggest something first and wait for the response. Try asking the other person "So what would you like to see as an outcome?" If you have allowed the other person to vent adequately and have listened through active listening skills, you would by now have gained a rapport.
By asking them to go first you have made it about them and they will feel obliged to allow you to suggest a resolution.
Stop problem-solving, allow an open discussion, and go back over the past before moving forward. Your negotiation/mediation will be much easier.
Let's talk!
Do You Know Your Warning Signs?
Do you know your warning signs?
Sometimes we get so engrossed in our work that we forget about taking time out to recharge the batteries. The last thing that we want to do when we're busy is slow down. We're afraid of getting more behind, or just never know what the next email/letter/phone call may bring.
After years of trial and error, I have worked out that when the corners of my eyes start to burn it is time to slow down for a day or two. Others I have talked with have a similar warning sign - a knot in the stomach, sore or tight shoulders, a heavy chest perhaps, or some other physiological sign.
For every negative psychological effect, there is a physiological response. When we worry about something it will manifest in the body somewhere.
Find what your indicator is and listen to it. Rest when you need to, to be in a slump if you need to, to feel down if that is the emotion you are feeling at the moment. And, when the time is right, - get up, dress up, front up - and get back into life once again.
Let's talk!
Changing A Habit.
160 days until the new year - halve that, and we're left with two "sets" of 80 days.
You might be thinking, it's great you can do maths Lance, but what does this mean for me?
Well, it takes 60 to 80 days to change a habit. Although you may start to notice a change after 21 days, and it becomes easier from that point forward - it generally takes 60 to 80 days to change a habit.
Even though we’re in the second half of the year, there's still plenty of time to transform one to two habits before 2025 arrives.
How often have you said, "I'll wait until after Christmas," "I'll start on New Year's Day," or "I'll change when..."?
By the time those milestones arrive, you'll already have a strong foundation and be well on your way to success if you start now.
So what's one goal you've been putting off? What habits do you want to change before the new year?
Don't wait for the 'when' or the 'right time.' The time to change is now. Right now.
Let's talk!